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Lyt når som helst, hvor som helst 

Dave Stachowiak

Leaders aren’t born; they’re made. Many leaders reach points in their careers where what worked yesterday doesn’t work today. This Monday show helps leaders thrive at these key inflection points. Independently produced weekly since 2011, Dr. Dave Stachowiak shares insights from a decade of leading a global leadership academy, plus more than 15 years of leadership at Dale Carnegie. Bestselling authors, proven leaders, expert thinkers, and deep conversation have attracted 50 million downloads and over 300,000 followers. Join the FREE membership to search the entire leadership and management library by topic at CoachingforLeaders.com

Coaching for Leaders

Today is the FINAL day to apply for the Coaching for Leaders Academy.

Are you at an inflection point? Apply to the Academy by the of the day today, Friday, September 11th.

FINAL Day to Apply for the Academy

Dave shares four words that detail what’s different about leaders who consistently get better – and even THRIVE – and those who don’t.

Are you at an inflection point? Apply to the Coaching for Leaders Academy by Friday, September 11th.

Four Words That Set Successful Leaders Apart

Aiko Bethea: Anchored, Aligned, Accountable

Aiko Bethea is the Founder and CEO of RARE Coaching & Consulting, a leadership development firm that partners with Fortune 100 companies, nonprofits, and global organizations to build accountable, values-driven cultures. She is listed as #3 on the list of Top Executive Coaches of 2026 by the Industry Leader and has spent over a decade coaching C-suite leaders across industries, and served previously as deputy director at the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. She is the author of Anchored, Aligned, Accountable: A Framework for Transcending BS and Transforming Our Lives and Work (Amazon, Bookshop)*.

I have seen so many activities over the years to help leaders clarify their values. I have built some of them myself. And most of them, including the ones I’ve built, miss a big question: what do those values actually mean? In this conversation, Aiko and I explore that question in detail to help us all do a better job of staying grounded.

Key Points

 • In an era of information everywhere, it’s more challenging than ever to engage our inner awareness.

 • An anchor keeps a ship in place during the storm. Our values do the same for us as leaders.

 • Values aren’t just decorative. Simply naming a value doesn’t tell us much about what it means.

 • Explore the behaviors that come out of labels we use for values. Those behaviors help us better align with others – and ourselves.

 • A value label may mean one thing to one person and something entirely different to someone else. Curiosity will help you uncover what really matters to people.

 • Beware naming values that are simply aspirational. Instead, zero in on what is actually true for you.

Resources Mentioned

Anchored, Aligned, Accountable: A Framework for Transcending BS and Transforming Our Lives and Work • by Aiko Bethea (
Amazon • , 
Bookshop • )*.

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

Leadership in the Midst of Chaos, with Jim Mattis • (episode 440)

How to Discover What Others Value, with Joe Hart • (episode 616)

The Way to Build Collective Power, with Ruchika T. Malhotra • (episode 759)

Discover More

Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. Go beyond the podcast to find the right ideas and apply them with confidence inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

799: How Leaders Stay Grounded, with Aiko Bethea

Academy alum Jen Quammen joins Dave to share how she prioritized showing up at her best when taking on a major leadership role.

Are you at an inflection point? Apply to the Coaching for Leaders Academy by Friday, September 11th.

How to Show Up at Your Best, with Jen Quammen

Pam Manfredo Curtis: The Origin of a Leader

Pam Manfredo Curtis is an executive coach and Founder and President of Manfredo Curtis Associates. Her coaching approach involves mining the hearts and souls and childhoods of her CEO clients so they can reach their full potential—to lead authentically, to achieve extraordinary results, and to forge deep, emotional connections, both professionally and personally. She hosted SiriusXM’s Corner Office Confidential and is the author of The Origin of a Leader: Transforming Family Patterns into Leadership Power (Amazon, Bookshop)*.

All of us get blocked, and when we do, our tendency is to set aside or sometimes to run away from our emotions. Today’s guest invites us to do the exact opposite so we can actually tap into our leadership power. In this conversation, Pam and I explore how to learn more about yourself and to use that insight for good.

Key Points

 • A significant predictor of how you show up as a leader is your childhood.

 • As you learn about yourself, you realize that everyone else already knows these things about you.

 • Create an emotional timeline by drawing a line from birth to today and highlighting the highs and lows of your life’s events.

 • It’s significant what shows up on your timeline – and also how the length of the highs and lows relate to each other.

 • When you understand how childhood impacts your leadership and who you are as a human being, you see how it affects an essential need as a leader: power.

 • By creating a timeline, you will be motivated to change in positive ways, see connections you’ve never seen before, and have more empathy for yourself and others.

Resources Mentioned

The Origin of a Leader: Transforming Family Patterns into Leadership Power • by Pam Manfredo Curtis (
Amazon • , 
Bookshop • )*

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

The Way to Be More Self-Aware, with Tasha Eurich • (episode 442)

Discover Who You Are, with Hortense le Gentil • (episode 459)

How to Discover Self-Awareness Through Enneagram, with Ian Morgan Cron • (episode 605)

Discover More

Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. Go beyond the podcast to find the right ideas and apply them with confidence inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

798: How to Get Unblocked, with Pam Manfredo Curtis

Olivia Fox Cabane: The Charisma Myth

Olivia Fox Cabane is one of the world’s leading authorities on the science of charisma and the bestselling author of The Charisma Myth, which has been translated into 27 languages. Previously Director of Innovative Leadership for Stanford StartX, Olivia has lectured on charisma, leadership, and innovation at Harvard, Yale, MIT, the Marine War College and the United Nations. She has been featured in The New York Times, The Economist, and The Wall Street Journal and has recently released the revised version of The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Amazon, Bookshop)*.

Charisma. We all notice leaders who’ve got it. Many of us wish we had more of it. Good news though – like so many leadership skills we talk about on this podcast, you can get better at it. In this conversation, Olivia and I explore how almost anyone can improve their charisma.

Key Points

 • Charisma is a skill that you can learn and practice.

 • While some people have natural strengths for charisma more so than others, people are not simply born charismatic. Many just start young.

 • You don’t have to be naturally outgoing. You can be a very charismatic introvert.

 • Presence + Power + Warmth = Charisma

 • Power is the “Can you move mountains for me?” question. Warmth is the “Would you want to move them for me?” question. Presence is the “Are you aware of which mountains I need moved?” question.

 • A small amount of improvement can make a big difference on how you are perceived.

Three quick tips to improve your charisma:

 • Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences.

 • Reduce how quickly and how often you nod.

 • Pause for two full seconds before you speak.

Resources Mentioned

The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism • by Olivia Fox Cabane (
Amazon • , 
Bookshop • )*

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

Six Ways to Recover From a Bad First Impression, with John Corcoran • (episode 169)

The Way to Make Sense to Others, with Tom Henschel • (episode 518)

How to Make a Better Impression on Camera, with Mark Bowden • (episode 643)

Discover More

Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. Go beyond the podcast to find the right ideas and apply them with confidence in Coaching for Leaders Plus.

797: How to Improve Your Charisma, with Olivia Fox Cabane

Academy alum Dev Baldwin joins Dave to share how he leveraged the power of learning from peers.

Are you at an inflection point? Apply to the Coaching for Leaders Academy by Friday, September 11th.

The Power of Learning from Peers, with Dev Baldwin

Simone Stolzoff: How to Not Know

Simone Stolzoff is an author and journalist who explores big questions about work, meaning, and identity. A former design lead at the global innovation firm IDEO, his work has been featured in The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and on the TED stage. He is the author of How to Not Know: The Value of Uncertainty in a World that Demands Answers (Amazon, Bookshop)*.

I’m not sure about you, but I very much dislike uncertainty. And yet, basically the job of leadership is to not only deal with it but to help others thrive in the midst of it. In this conversation, Simone and I explore how to build your tolerance for uncertainty so you can lead much more effectively.

Key Points

 • We love certainty and our tolerance for uncertainty is decreasing due to the internet, smartphones, and AI access.

 • Organizations with higher uncertainty tolerance tend to be more innovative and adaptable.

 • We assume unwavering confidence breeds credibility, when in fact, research shows that those who admit what they don’t know are perceived as more credible.

 • Professional athletes have the same threshold for pain but a higher pain tolerance. We can develop a similar tolerance for uncertainty.

 • Find your anchor points. By knowing the key boulders you can hang onto in a storm, you are vastly better able to weather uncertain times.

 • Build to learn. Progress depends on uncertainty.

 • Row through the fog. Maintain faith that you will discover the next step by continuing to row.

 • Sometimes what we feel is most uncertain is actually more certain than we realize.

Resources Mentioned

How to Not Know: The Value of Uncertainty in a World that Demands Answers • by Simone Stolzoff (
Amazon • , 
Bookshop • )*

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

How to Lead Better Through Complexity, with Jennifer Garvey Berger • (episode 613)

Notice Disruption and Innovate Through It, with Steve Blank • (episode 761)

The Counterintuitive Secret to Creativity and Focus, with David Epstein • (episode 789)

Discover More

Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

796: Build Your Tolerance for Uncertainty, with Simone Stolzoff

Neal Schore: The 25th Hour

Neal Schore is the founder and CEO of 25th Hour Group, an executive coaching and leadership events firm. Previously, he served as the founder, president, and CEO of Triton Digital, a global technology, data, and services leader in the digital audio and podcast industry. He is the author of The 25th Hour: How to Thrive (And Gain Ridiculous

Amounts of Time) By Getting Out of Your Own Way (Amazon, Bookshop)*.

No productivity approach can negotiate with physics. How we manage time is really how we manage ourselves. In this conversation, Neal and I explore a key question to help us shift from ordinary to exceptional.

Key Points

 • Swirling shows up for all of us when we ruminate on an interaction in a way that’s not helpful.

 • Most people don’t think to ask about others’ intent.

 • The key question to shift our thinking: “What’s the intent?”

 • Ordinary thinking goes with the flow. Exceptional thinking pauses and allows us to consider the intent behind the interaction.

 • To free time each day, pause before responding in a complex situation and ask yourself, “What’s the intent?”

 • This question becomes powerful when you can ask and answer yourself without needing to say it out loud.

Resources Mentioned

The 25th Hour: How to Thrive (And Gain Ridiculous Amounts of Time) By Getting Out of Your Own Way • by Neal Schore (
Amazon • , 
Bookshop • )*

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

How to Genuinely Show Up for Others, with Marshall Goldsmith • (episode 590)

How to Help Difficult Conversations Go Better, with Sheila Heen • (episode 655)

How to Take Back Your Evenings, with Guy Winch • (episode 783)

Discover More

Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

795: The Question That Frees an Hour a Day, with Neal Schore

Jia Jiang: Easy Discipline

Jia Jiang is an award-winning speaker, entrepreneur, and the bestselling author of Rejection Proof. His TED Talk is among the top 1% most viewed of all time, and he has spoken to over 400,000 people worldwide. He is also the creator of Rejection Therapy, a platform designed to help people overcome fear and build resilience, and is the author of Easy Discipline: An Unconventional Way to Achieve Ambitious Things (Amazon, Bookshop)*.

No pain, no gain. We’ve all heard that before – and it’s true that one way to achieve is through a lot of pain. Good news: there are other ways, too. In this conversation, Jia and I explore how to harness the ambition you already have through easy discipline.

Key Points

 • Pain tolerance is admired and celebrated. When greatness comes through pain, our society cheers it. When greatness comes through loving work, we are suspicious.

 • Hard discipline and easy discipline both produce results, but easy discipline does so with more joy and sustainability.

 • Ambitious people often suffer from High Eyes, Low Hands Disease. Higher ambitions create higher expectations that make a gap seem harder to transcend.

 • In the game of Catan, it’s not the lucky players that win; it’s the most active players. Professional learning follows the same pattern.

 • The momentum loop is the practice of early action generating greater fuel for later action. Even wrong movements are almost always superior to standing still.

Resources Mentioned

Easy Discipline: An Unconventional Way to Achieve Ambitious Things • by Jia Jiang (
Amazon • , 
Bookshop • )*

Jia Jiang’s speaking

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

How to Change Your Behavior, with BJ Fogg • (episode 507)

How to Get Out of a Rut, with Anne-Laure Le Cunff • (episode 747)

How to Help People Flourish, with Marcus Buckingham • (episode 778)

Discover More

Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

794: Build the Resilience to Match Your Ambition, with Jia Jiang

Bonni Stachowiak: Teaching in Higher Ed
Bonni Stachowiak is the host of the Teaching in Higher Ed podcast, a professor of business and management at Vanguard University, and my life partner. Prior to her academic career, Bonni was a human resources consultant and executive officer for a publicly traded company. She joins me monthly to respond to listener questions.
Questions

 Marcelo asked about how to navigate boundaries between personal and professional relationships.
 Martin asked for advice on handling defensiveness from an employee.
 Louise wanted our advice on negotiating a new position in her company — and potentially stepping away from leadership.

Resources Mentioned

 Books by Edgar Shein*
 The Coaching Habit* by Michael Bungay Stanier
 Dan Pink’s 1-3-20 podcast 
 Seth Godin’s Akimbo podcast
 Getting Things Done podcast
 NPR: Up First podcast
 Pod Save the People podcast
 Ear Hustle podcast
 Brains On podcast

Related Episodes

 The Seven Steps You Follow To Delegate Work (episode 117)
 How to Manage Former Peers, with Tom Henschel (episode 257)
 The Way to Stop Rescuing People From Their Problems, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 284)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

354: Handling Defensiveness and More Questions, with Bonni Stachowiak

Lyt når som helst, hvor som helst

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