What's God Got To Do With It?: She Was a Pastor But Couldn't Receive What She TaughtColleen was a pastor. She was teaching God's word, leading others, preaching identity in Christ. But behind closed doors, she felt like a hypocrite.
She knew what God said about her. She could teach it. She believed it was true... for everyone else. But for her, it felt like words on a page that wouldn't land in her heart.
And on top of that, she was carrying a lifetime of shame about her body. Since she was eight years old, shopping in the "chubby girls" section, she'd been told she had a problem to fix. She'd been on every diet. She'd tried to overachieve in everything else to make up for the one area she couldn't get right. She'd been given mixed messages her whole life: skinny is beautiful, but you're okay just the way you are. Don't overeat, but finish everything on your plate. Sugar is bad, but it's the reward for being good.
By the time menopause hit, she was gaining more weight, trying harder and harder to lose it, and sinking into the lowest point of her life. She felt like a failure. She felt disgusted with herself. And the worst part? She couldn't reconcile what she knew in her head with what she felt in her heart.
She had seen God heal her miraculously from incurable diseases. So why couldn't she get from what she knew about her identity in Christ to actually seeing it and feeling it in her life? She kept thinking: I'm the problem. I have to fix myself.
Colleen had fought so many battles—behavioral modification, diet plans, spiritual disciplines, positive affirmations—but she was fighting the wrong battles. And when you fight the wrong battles, you don't win the war.
When she heard Leanne's podcast with Dr. Lee Warren, she cried through the whole thing. She thought, This is too good to be true. But she was desperate. She had nowhere else to turn. And she asked God, Did you put Leanne in my path?
In this powerful case study, Colleen shares how she finally learned to go to the root instead of just trying to fix the behavior. How she dismantled the lies that had infiltrated every area of her life and built what she calls "new beautiful beliefs"—not positive affirmations, but truth that actually landed in her bones. How she learned to be friends with her body again, to take off the minister hat and just be the woman, the essence, the soul God created her to be.
Today, Colleen is at peace with herself for the first time in her life. She's not obsessed with her weight or her size. She's not fixated on what she looks like. She's learning to care for her body instead of punishing it. She's starting strength training—not to lose weight, but to get stronger and thrive. She's wearing clothes that make her feel alive instead of hiding in frumpy baggy outfits. She's showing up in rooms without worrying about how she looks or what she said. She's ushering in God's peace and grace instead of getting pulled into other people's chaos.
And the sweetest part? She has a hope-filled expectation for the future. Instead of dreading getting older, fatter, more wrinkled, she's asking, What's the abundant part of life here for me in this season? She's living Psalm 92: Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God. They will bear fruit even in old age.
If you've ever felt like you know God's promises are true but they don't feel true for you, or if you've ever felt like a hypocrite because you can't receive what you teach, Colleen's story is for you. Because healing isn't about trying harder or praying more or fasting more. It's about going to the root. It's about learning how to take your thoughts captive in a way that actually works. And it's about finally surrendering—not giving up, but letting God show you the right battle to fight so you can win the war.
HOST: Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington // @theteenagerbrain
To learn more about Leanne, head over to www.LeanneEllington.com, and to share your thoughts, questions, feedback, or guest suggestions instantly, head on over to www.WhatsGodGotToDoWithIt.com.
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