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Lyt når som helst, hvor som helst 

Larry Hagner

The Dad Edge Podcast is a movement. It is a strong community of Fathers who all share a set of values.

Larry Hagner, founder of The Dad Edge, breaks down common challenges of fatherhood, making them easy to understand and overcome.  Tackling the world of Fatherhood can be a daunting task when we try to do it alone.

The mission of The Dad Edge Podcast is to help you become the best, strongest, and happiest version of yourself so that you can help guide your kids to the best version of themselves. Simple as that.  

Everything you need and all of our resources can be found at thedadedge.com/podcast

The Dad Edge Podcast

Larry Hagner and Joe sit down for a Wednesday Q&A the day after Larry's 51st birthday, and this one goes deep on marriage repair. Nick brought a raw, real question to the room: his wife has finally said she's willing to try to fix things and go to counseling, and he's scared. Scared to hope. Scared she doesn't mean it. Scared he'll lose himself in the process of trying to save the relationship.
 
 What follows is one of those conversations that only happens when the guys in the room have actually lived it. Joe opens up about being what he calls a three-time marriage loser and a one-time marriage big winner, and he doesn't dress it up. He blew up three marriages before he learned the thing that changed everything: when you take your wife as your bride, you inherit all of her wounds, even the ones her father put there, even the ones you didn't create. Your job isn't to fix only the damage you did. Your job is to become sensitive to all of it, so she finally feels safe enough to lower the shields.
 
 Then Larry brings in two tools that shift the whole frame. The first is vision, fast-forwarding the tape to a year from now and asking your spouse what you'd both be celebrating, because whatever we focus on grows and whatever we resist persists. The second is forgiveness, and here Larry shares the framework Father Stephen Gadberry gave him: forgiveness isn't a single conversation, it's a plant. You water it, you don't overwater it, and as it grows you keep pruning it. You forgive but you never fully forget, so you keep coming back to the conversation with curiosity instead of an attack.
 
 If you're a man trying to rebuild trust in a marriage that's been hard for years, or you're carrying resentment you don't know how to put down, this episode gives you a real place to start. It's about consistency when you don't feel like it, owning wounds you didn't cause, and building a vision worth walking toward together.
 
 
 
 Timeline Summary
 
 [1:02] Larry opens the Wednesday Q&A the day after turning 51, and shares why his 50s beat his 40s
 
 [1:19] The July birthday promotion breakdown: signed book, patience course, marriage course, and 50 conversation starters
 
 [2:34] Joe comes on and speaks from the heart about getting a front row seat to Larry's last decade
 
 [3:43] Nick asks his question after his wife agreed to try repairing the relationship and start counseling
 
 [4:26] Larry points Nick back to the consistency and brotherhood that softened his wife in the first place
 
 [5:30] Why real repair takes years not months, and why you keep going even without visible results
 
 [6:19] Joe introduces himself as a three time marriage loser and one time big winner
 
 [7:12] Nick admits he's responsible for about 90% of his wife's wounds, and Joe says he owns all of them
 
 [8:11] The wisdom Joe was given: you inherit the wounds her father and others put in her heart
 
 [9:01] Why women go into self preservation mode and how shields only drop when they feel safe
 
 [10:02] Joe shares how his tone of voice was unknowingly triggering Ivy's father wounds
 
 [10:54] Larry names Nick's real fear, that his wife is only saying the words to keep things civil
 
 [15:00] Joe offers to talk with Nick personally about forgiveness and what it is and isn't
 
 [16:06] Larry sets up the Father Stephen Gadberry forgiveness episode and who Gadberry is
 
 [17:07] The vision exercise: fast forward to July 7th next year and ask what you'd be celebrating
 
 [19:25] The forgiveness-as-a-plant framework: plant the seed, water it right, and keep pruning it
 
 [23:49] Larry drops the line that lands hardest: what you criticize metastasizes, what you affirm multiplies
 
 [24:38] Larry's real example of praising his oldest son over text and watching the good behavior grow
 
 
 
 Five Key Takeaways
 
 1. When you marry someone, you inherit all of their wounds, even the ones you didn't cause and the ones their parents left behind. Your job isn't to address only the damage you're responsible for. It's to become sensitive to all of it so she feels safe.
 2. Real repair is built on consistency, not intensity. If things have been hard for three years, they won't turn around in three months, so you keep showing up and doing the work even when you don't feel like it and even when you don't see the softening yet.
 3. Women stay guarded when they're in self preservation mode. The shields only come down when they feel safe with you around all of their wounds, so lead differently around the walls even when you didn't build them.
 4. Stop fighting over the past and build a shared vision instead. Ask your spouse what you'd both be celebrating a year from now, because whatever you resist persists and whatever you focus on grows.
 5. Forgiveness is a process, not a single conversation. Think of it like a plant you water, protect, and prune over time. You forgive but you never fully forget, so keep returning to the conversation with curiosity instead of an attack.
 
 
 
 Links & Resources
 
 • Shownotes for this episode — 
https://thedadedge.com/1501 • Join the Dad Edge Alliance (July promotion: signed book, patience course, marriage course, 50 conversation starters) — 
https://thedadedge.com/join • How to Forgive Someone Without Letting Them Off the Hook featuring Father Stephen Gadberry — 
 https://thedadedge.com/how-to-forgive-someone-without-letting-them-off-the-hook-featuring-father-stephen-gadberry/ 
 
 
 Closing
 
 Nick came into this call scared to hope, and by the end he'd shown he was already doing the work: leading with vision, talking about letting old habits die, thinking in terms of pruning the plant instead of tearing it down. That's the whole thing right there. You don't rebuild a marriage by beating down the resentment. You build it by owning the wounds, staying consistent when it's hard, and affirming the good things you want to see multiply. If your marriage has been in a hard season, take Joe's challenge to heart, own all of it, and take Larry's, cast a vision worth walking toward together. Go out and live legendary.

Stop Fighting the Past & Build a Vision Together In Marriage

My guest is Caitlin V, a sexologist and relationship coach who started out as a sexual health researcher and policy analyst before realizing that real change doesn't happen in research papers. It happens in honest conversations between real people. She's the host of Good Sex on HBO Max, her YouTube channel has reached hundreds of millions of people, and she's become one of the leading voices in men's sexual health, helping guys overcome erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, premature ejaculation, and the isolation that comes with those struggles.
 
This conversation went places I didn't expect. Caitlin explains why the biggest roadblock in a couple's sex life isn't your partner, it's the gap between your expectations and reality. She breaks down why "why can't we have more sex" is almost never about sex, what women are actually attracted to in a man (the Indiana University smell study blew my mind), and why the way you do anything is the way you do everything. I also got personal about my own marriage, including why I quit porn years ago and the one question I asked my wife in our mudroom three months ago that changed how we think about intimacy.
 
If you and your wife have slipped into roommate mode, if the conversation about sex feels impossible to start, or if you want to rebuild attraction and connection after years of kids, schedules, and busyness, this episode is your roadmap back.
 
 
 
Timeline Summary
 
[1:02] Larry opens with an adult content disclaimer and celebrates episode 1500 landing on his 51st birthday after 11 years
 
[3:00] The single biggest roadblock in couples' sex lives, the painful gap between expectations and lived experience
 
[5:16] The performance expectations men carry into the bedroom, from lasting longer to frequency to technical skill
 
[10:11] Caitlin's first piece of advice for every man, start with your own relationship to sexuality before approaching your wife
 
[11:37] Why "why can't we have more sex" is really a request for closeness, connection, and feeling loved
 
[16:33] Caitlin's story, from sexual health researcher to sexologist and host of Good Sex on HBO Max
 
[20:13] Fact checking the viral claim that 50% of couples married three plus years haven't had sex in a year
 
[21:55] Why Gen Z is having less sex, porn access, dating app algorithms designed to keep you single, and Covid
 
[28:49] The Indiana University t-shirt study, why smell predicts attraction and how birth control changes desire
 
[36:37] What women actually find attractive in a man's body, hands, forearms, posture, and capability over six packs
 
[44:40] Why your solo sex life shapes your marriage, and Caitlin's snack versus whole meal analogy
 
[49:49] Larry opens up about quitting porn years ago and how it fixed his arousal issues and transformed intimacy
 
[53:37] Retraining your body without porn, why orgasm may take weeks to return, and why nobody fails to get there
 
[57:00] Escaping roommate syndrome, why sex was never actually spontaneous, and reclaiming the effort of courtship
 
[59:35] The intimacy spectrum beyond penetration, and Caitlin's personal story of healing pain through yoni massage
 
[1:06:09] The mudroom moment, how one question changed the way Larry and his wife connect after 23 years of marriage
 
 
 
Five Key Takeaways
 
 1. 

The biggest obstacle in your sex life isn't your wife. It's the unspoken gap between what you expected sex to be and what it actually is, and the shame that keeps both of you from talking about it.
 2. 
 3. 

Never bring the conversation to her when it's burning hot. Do your own untangling first, figure out what you actually need underneath the request, and come with self-awareness and accountability instead of a demand.
 4. 
 5. 

How you care for your body is a proxy for how you care for everything. Your grooming, your hygiene, and your posture tell her more about who you are than a six pack ever will.
 6. 
 7. 

Don't show up to your wife starving. If she's the only source of meeting your needs, every approach carries desperation. Take care of yourself first and you'll come to her with something to give instead of something to take.
 8. 
 9. 

Sex is one point on a wide spectrum of intimacy. A shoulder massage, a hand in hand walk, or a deep conversation on the couch can keep you insanely connected without needing to lead anywhere.
 10. 
 
 
 
Links & Resources
 
 • Caitlin V on YouTube — 
https://www.youtube.com/@caitlinvneal • Caitlin V's website with free yoni massage guide and courses — 
https://caitlinvneal.com • Erotic Blueprints playlist — search "Caitlin V blueprints" on YouTube
 • Join The Dad Edge Alliance in July to get a signed copy of The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood, both courses, and the 50 Intimate Conversation Starters PDF — 
https://thedadedge.com/join • This episode — 
https://thedadedge.com/1500 
Closing
 
Fifteen hundred episodes, and this might be one of the most important conversations I've ever had on this show. When I stood in my mudroom and asked my wife "what type of intimacy would you be up for today," everything about how we connect shifted, and that's available to you too. Don't wait until it's burning hot to have this conversation, and don't settle for being roommates with the woman you married. Share this one with a brother who needs it. Go out and live legendary.

Why Asking for More Sex Pushes Her Further Away featuring Caitlin V

If you're trying to put the puzzle pieces of your marriage back together, or you're stuck in that roommate syndrome that drains the life out of a home, this replay is for you. I'm bringing back G.S. Youngblood, author of two bestselling books, The Masculine in Relationship and The Art of Embodiment for Men, because over the past couple of months I've gotten so many emails from men who are really, really struggling in their marriages. His work has come up again and again in our community, and he's even helped me with my own clients.
 
What I love about G.S. is that he lives in neither of the two extremes most men swing between. There's the ultimate nice guy who's disrespected, unappreciated, and quietly filled with resentment because his needs never get met, and there's the toxic, controlling, domineering guy on the other end. Neither one is attractive, and neither one leads. G.S. teaches what he calls relational masculinity, staying grounded in your masculine core while being deeply connected to your partner, and he lays out a three part blueprint any man can actually follow.
 
This was one of our top shows of the past year, and we get into the stuff that changes marriages. We talk about firm but loving parenting and why ruling by fear breaks down the relationship you'll want with your kids later. We talk about grounding your nervous system before you ever try to fix anything, and G.S. even walks me through a live embodiment exercise right there in my chair. And we get honest about sex, rejection, and the little hurt boy that shows up when we feel shut down.
 
G.S. was one of our speakers at the Men's Forge this past April, and he blew the doors off. I've read his book three times now. If you've been banging your head against the wall in your marriage, or you just want to understand why your wife can sniff out an agenda from a mile away, this conversation is going to give you clarity and probably piss you off a little at the same time, in the best way.
 
 
 
Timeline Summary
 
[1:02] Larry sets up the replay and why he's bringing G.S. Youngblood back for men struggling in their marriages
 
[3:00] The July promotion for the Alliance and Boardroom, with a hard stop on July 31st
 
[5:05] G.S. on his intense but loving childhood and how it polarized him into the good boy role
 
[7:36] Firm but loving parenting, and why he went the opposite direction with his own kids
 
[10:06] The energetic difference between "no" with an iron fist and "I love you, but no"
 
[11:15] Why ruling by fear gets compliance but breaks the free flowing relationship you want later
 
[14:05] Inner clarity comes first, and why nice guys chase external validation instead
 
[16:01] The daily embodiment practice G.S. installs with every man before anything else
 
[20:03] A day in the life of his grounding routine: ground connection, breathwork, movement, meditation
 
[22:41] Why embodiment sticks better than meditation, and a live exercise Larry does in his chair
 
[26:36] Curiosity, agenda, and how women sense the energetic plane men usually ignore
 
[31:21] The frozen "data file" picture men keep of their wives, and why the feminine is always changing
 
[34:31] Emotional safety as the foundation of sexual chemistry, and going for the cause not the symptom
 
[39:38] The Masculine Blueprint: respond versus react, provide structure, and create safety
 
[41:07] What to tell the man who says "I stay calm and she still pushes back"
 
[45:59] Provide structure without domination, and the clarity plus inclusion principle
 
[50:18] Larry's story of owning his need for sex without getting pissy, and how it landed for his wife
 
[53:02] Why sexual rejection feels like kryptonite, and owning your sexuality with power or humor
 
[58:02] The gift of reassurance from Larry's wife, and reframing rejection that isn't about you
 
[1:03:16] Leading your partner toward arousal by getting her back into her body
 
[1:04:35] Where to find G.S.: his bootcamp, workshops, Instagram, and book
 
 
 
Five Key Takeaways
 
 1. Lead your family with firmness and heart at the same time, not with an iron fist and not with a loose "anything goes" structure. You can be powerful, clear, and unyielding while staying in your heart, and that artful blend is what your kids and your wife actually need.
 2. Before you try to fix anything in your marriage, ground your nervous system with a daily embodiment practice. When you're triggered, you make regressed, reactive decisions, but when you bring your awareness back into your body and into the present moment, the fight in front of you isn't nearly as scary as your nervous system claims.
 3. Stop pounding on the symptoms and go find what's underneath. When a good woman is chronically prickly, critical, or shut down sexually, it's usually because a need isn't being met or a wound never got addressed, and your job as a man is to lead the way back to connection rather than blame her mood.
 4. You may or may not be the problem, but you are the solution. Stop trying to figure out who caused the fight and step up to be bigger than her mood, because taking ownership of the repair is what masculine leadership actually looks like.
 5. Rejection around sex feels like kryptonite, but going into your little hurt boy and pouting is deeply unattractive to your wife. Own your sexuality with calm power or playful humor, remember that a "no" often has nothing to do with you, and know that her desire can live just below the surface waiting for connection to bring it up.
 
 
 
Links & Resources
 
 • Episode 1499 show notes: 
https://thedadedge.com/1499 • Join The Dad Edge Alliance and Boardroom (July promotion): 
https://thedadedge.com/join • The Dad Edge Boardroom mastermind (apply and book a call): 
https://thedadedge.com/mastermind • G.S. Youngblood's website and bootcamp: 
https://gsyoungblood.com • G.S. Youngblood on Instagram: 
https://www.instagram.com/gsyoungblood 
 
 
Closing
 
Go back to the moment in this episode where I told G.S. about my wife looking me dead in the eye and saying, "Larry, it's never you." I had spent years viewing every "not tonight" through a lens of personal rejection, and that one piece of reassurance changed how I show up. That's the whole point of this work. You are not the toxic iron fist guy and you are not the resentful nice guy, you're a man learning to lead with a straight spine and a big heart. If this episode shook something loose for you, share it with a brother who's been quietly banging his head against the wall in his own marriage, and go grab the July promotion at thedadedge.com before it's gone on July 31st. Go out and live legendary.

The Masculine Blueprint That Fixes 80% of Marriage Problems featuring G.S. Youngblood

This is a marriage and fatherhood Q&A episode of The Dad Edge with Larry Hagner and Joe, recorded as Larry rolls his June birthday promotion into July ahead of his 51st. It's a quieter, more vulnerable episode than most. Two members brought real questions, and both answers turned into something close to a masterclass on leading at home without resentment.
 
Rich opened up about a marriage that's been struggling for a couple of years. He and his wife have started reconnecting, but he feels the load is one-sided. He's carrying the household, the kids, two jobs, and the role of primary parent, while she's drawing a line on how much she's willing to change. Joe's answer reframed the whole problem. Stop compromising, he said, because compromise has regret baked into it. Lead instead. He shared how he and Ivy split their money, how he trained himself to notice the socks on the floor she'd notice, and why an underlying resentment will sabotage everything no matter how well you execute the plan.
 
Then Larry delivered what Joe called a freaking masterclass on the difference between expectations and boundaries, the thing 95% of the men he coaches get backwards. An expectation is a clearly communicated request you then release because you don't control the other person. A boundary is the part you own and enforce on yourself. He walked Rich through actual language, leading with structure, owning specific responsibilities, and turning a fight into a collaboration. The line that landed: uncommunicated expectations breed resentment.
 
The second half got personal fast. Jason Grace, a leader in the Alliance who runs the divorce group, asked about the gap between being ready for a new stage of fatherhood and being willing to step into it. His daughter just graduated and is leaving for an equestrian science program in Virginia. Both Larry and Joe are living the same thing right now. Larry's son leaves for the University of Arkansas on August 6th, and he choked up describing the 5.5-hour campfire conversation they shared on a recent trip. Joe read Psalm 127 and the picture of children as arrows, the archer deciding how he launches them into the world. If you've got a kid getting close to leaving, or a marriage where you feel like you're carrying it alone, this one is for you.
 
 
 
Timeline Summary
 
[1:01] Larry welcomes July, turns 51, and extends his birthday promotion with a hard stop on July 31st
 
[3:06] Joe checks in from a new location mid-move, and the hosts set up the marriage and fatherhood themes
 
[4:04] Rich asks for help with a marriage that feels one-sided on compromises, budgeting, and household responsibilities
 
[7:23] Joe makes the case against compromising because regret is baked into it, and reframes the answer as leading
 
[9:25] How Joe and Ivy handle money with separate accounts and real trust instead of monitoring every dollar
 
[12:48] Joe on the socks he trained himself to notice and paying attention to what matters to your wife
 
[14:39] Why underlying resentment is the biggest turnoff and will sabotage how you lead at home
 
[16:24] Larry breaks down the difference between expectations and boundaries that 95% of men get backwards
 
[18:38] The clean room example showing why clarity beats assuming people should just know
 
[20:16] Larry gives Rich exact language to open the conversation without it landing as an attack
 
[21:35] How to lead with structure by owning specific responsibilities and inviting your wife to collaborate
 
[24:27] Joe warns against tying too much to one conversation and shares the expectancy versus expectations idea
 
[27:17] Larry asks Jason Grace about the gap between readiness and willingness as kids hit new stages
 
[29:06] Larry talks through his son leaving for Arkansas on August 6th and the 5.5-hour campfire conversation
 
[36:14] Joe reads Psalm 127 and the picture of children as arrows the archer launches into the world
 
[40:18] The real readiness question is whether you've made your kids ready, and why it's never too late
 
 
 
Five Key Takeaways
 
 1. Stop compromising and start leading. Compromise has regret built into it, so instead of giving something up and quietly resenting it, decide what your household needs and choose to lead in that area.
 2. Resentment leaks out no matter how well you execute. Your wife can sense your discontent through your body language and energy, so address the underlying resentment before you ever try to change the dynamic at home.
 3. Expectations and boundaries are not the same thing. An expectation is a request you communicate clearly and then release because you don't control the other person, while a boundary is the part you own and enforce on yourself.
 4. Uncommunicated expectations breed resentment. Don't assume your partner should just see how much you're doing and step up, because adults need to hear things at least three times, and it's on you to communicate clearly and calmly.
 5. You'll never be fully willing to let your kids go, so focus on whether you've made them ready. The readiness that matters isn't yours, it's whether you've given your kids the tools, the faith, and the foundation to face the world and pick themselves back up when they fall.
 
 
 
Links & Resources
 
 • Join The Dad Edge Alliance (July promotion with signed book, two courses, and bonus PDF): 
https://thedadedge.com/join • 50 Intimate Conversation Starters PDF: 
https://thedadedge.com/kidquestions • Episode 1498 show notes: 
https://thedadedge.com/1498 
 
 
Closing
 
If today hit home, it's probably because you're living one of these seasons right now, whether that's feeling like you're carrying your marriage alone or watching a kid get close to leaving the nest. Go back to the moment Larry described sitting at that campfire until 12:26 a.m., having the longest and best conversation he's ever had with his son, and ask yourself where you can create that kind of connection this month. Don't lose the battle for someone's heart just to win an argument, and don't wait until the last few years, because they fly by faster than anything. Share this episode with a dad or a husband who needs to hear it, and if the show keeps adding value to your life, follow, rate, and leave a review so more men can find it. Go out and live legendary.

Expectations Vs. Boundaries When Leading Your Family at Home

Charles Gaudet built his first multi-million dollar business at 24 years old while battling severe learning disabilities, survived a hospitalization in his early twenties after working from 3:30am until midnight seven days a week, and has since helped clients across six, seven, eight, and nine figure businesses generate over $1 billion in combined revenue. Yahoo Finance nicknamed him the CEO Whisperer, his work has been featured in Forbes and Fox Business, and he hosts the Beyond Seven Figures podcast. But none of that is what makes this conversation worth your time.
 
What makes this episode worth your time is Charles sitting down with Larry and being completely honest about the phone call his dad made in the final weeks of his life, offering to give up everything he had ever made just to spend more time with his kids and grandkids. That one moment reframed everything Charles thought he knew about success, hard work, and what a father is actually building toward. If you have ever worn your busyness like a badge, this one is going to hit you somewhere important.
 
Charles is a husband of 24 years to his wife Heather, a father of three, a CEO coach to some of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world, and a man who learned the hard way that working harder is not the same as building something that lasts. This is Episode 1497 of the Dad Edge.
 
Charles Gaudet went from a kid selling construction paper art door to door at age four to coaching billionaires in boardrooms, and the thread connecting all of it is the same lesson a neighbor named Mrs. Hersey gave him when he was mortified: always bring your best.
 
Timeline Summary
 
[1:02] Larry opens with a June-only Alliance offer including a signed copy of his book, a patience course, and 50 intimate conversation starters
 
[3:07] Charles explains how Yahoo Finance dubbed him the CEO Whisperer and why asking the questions nobody else will ask is his edge
 
[4:40] The boardroom moment with the CEO of a $34 billion company and why Charles was the only person in the room willing to challenge him
 
[8:03] Charles tells the story from the US Army War College: a five-star general who couldn't figure out why they kept losing a battle until he asked the lowest-ranking soldier on the ground
 
[13:26] The phone call from his dad in the final weeks of his life: "I would give up everything I've ever made just to spend more time with you and the grandkids"
 
[17:29] Growing up barely seeing his dad, the pillow and blankets by the front door, and starting his first business at age four just to get his dad's attention
 
[20:29] Selling construction paper art door to door as a kid and the lesson Mrs. Hersey gave him that shaped every standard he has held himself to since
 
[23:07] Charles teaching his son the difference between being an employee and owning a business using a lemonade stand, and watching his son at 19 reach a multi-million dollar valuation
 
[28:16] Working 3:30am to midnight seven days a week, not eating, not sleeping, and landing in the emergency room at 22 with his organs shutting down
 
[41:32] The diving board principle: the further it bends, the higher you spring, and why gratitude became Charles's superpower when resistance shows up
 
[45:29] Charles's dad competing against him instead of cheering for him, and why Charles chose a completely different approach with his own kids
 
[47:35] What it means to be the shoulders your kids stand on, matching his son dollar for dollar on a car, and why making it easier is not always making it better
 
[52:55] How Charles and Heather built a marriage strong enough to last by having the hard conversation about honesty before they were even fully exclusive
 
[1:02:26] The distinction between being rich and being wealthy, and the mic drop moment when Charles's son told him exactly why their family has the highest quality of life he knows
 
[1:07:32] Why a loud house means happy kids and what it looks like to build a home people actually want to come back to
 
Five Key Takeaways
 
 1. 

The people who give you the most honest feedback are the most valuable people in your life. Whether it is a 10-year assistant, a lowest-ranking soldier, or a neighbor who tells a four-year-old his artwork is not worth $0.50, the person willing to tell you the truth is the one who actually helps you grow.
 2. 
 3. 

Hustle culture is using the wrong scorecard. Working hard and working until midnight are not goals. The question is what outcome you are actually working toward, and whether the sacrifices you are making are getting you closer to the life you want or further from it.
 4. 
 5. 

Resistance is not a sign that something is going wrong. It is usually a sign you are about to break through to a new level. Charles uses gratitude as a tool to stay in his own power rather than giving it away to circumstances he cannot control.
 6. 
 7. 

Your kids do not need you to make everything easy for them. They need you to build the shoulders they can stand on. The goal is to help them become healthier, wealthier, and happier than you, not to protect them from the lessons that would get them there.
 8. 
 9. 

True wealth is not measured by the bank account. It is measured by the quality of your life. When Charles asked his son how he would rate their family's quality of life, his son said they had the highest of anyone he knew, because he actually wanted to spend time with his parents.
 10. 
 
Links & Resources
 
 • Predictable Profits — 
https://www.predictableprofits.com • Beyond Seven Figures Podcast — search "Beyond Seven Figures" on your podcast app
 • Follow Charles Gaudet on Instagram and LinkedIn — @CharlesGaudet
 • Dad Edge Episode 1497 Show Notes — 
https://www.thedadedge.com/1497 • Join the Dad Edge Alliance — 
https://www.thedadedge.com/join • Kid Questions Resource — 
https://www.thedadedge.com/kidquestions 
Closing
 
Charles Gaudet sat in a boardroom with the CEO of a $34 billion company and asked the question no one else in the room was willing to ask. He built companies, lost his health, nearly lost his mind, and then got a phone call from his dying father that reframed everything. And somehow, in the middle of all of it, he figured out how to be the kind of dad whose kids say they want to spend more time with him than anyone they know. That is the whole game right there. Share this episode with a man in your life who is still confusing busyness with progress. He needs to hear it. Subscribe, leave a review, and help other dads find the show. Go out and live legendary.

What a Dying Father Taught His Son About What Actually Matters in Life & Business featuring Charles Gaudet

Marty Hofman built a multi-million dollar real estate operation from a single $5,000 duplex, but what he's really known for isn't the portfolio. He's the founder of OKC REIA, the host of the Kill Complacency podcast with over 180,000 downloads, and the author of "Complacency Kills: Stop Drifting and Start Living the Life God Designed You For." He's also a husband of 24 years to his wife Ginger, a father of six, and a man who has built his entire life around one relentless idea: complacency is always at the door.
 
In this conversation, Marty and Larry get into the Seven F's framework, why "I want to be more intentional" is meaningless without specifics, how your environment will eventually defeat your willpower, and what it actually looks like to fight for your marriage and your kids at the same time. If you've ever felt like you're living on autopilot and you can't quite put your finger on why, this episode was made for you.
 
Marty is a husband, father of six, real estate investor, podcast host, and author who has given his life to helping men kill complacency before it kills everything they care about. This is Episode 1496 of the Dad Edge.
 
Marty's book just dropped in May and this conversation is everything you'd hope for from a man who doesn't just talk about living with intention, he's built an entire framework to help you do it every single day.
 
Timeline Summary
 
[1:02] Marty joins the show and Larry kicks things off with a quote that anchors the whole episode: "The enemy of intention is complacency"
 
[2:18] Why complacency isn't a one-time enemy you defeat — it keeps knocking, every single day, like Oreos on the kitchen counter
 
[5:22] "Your environment will eventually trump your willpower" — Marty and Larry debate where willpower ends and environment takes over
 
[8:46] Why saying "I want to be more intentional" is not enough — and what it actually takes to turn that into a real behavior change
 
[10:43] The difference between a vague goal and a measurable one: phone away at the door, greet your wife by name, make it specific
 
[12:34] Todd Herman's insight on the first 45 seconds of any interaction and why Marty puts it to work every time he walks through the front door
 
[14:04] Larry introduces Marty's full background — the $5,000 duplex, the Kill Complacency podcast, the Seven F's framework, 24 years of marriage to Ginger
 
[30:27] How intentional actions become identity over time — and why date night stops being a discipline and starts being just who you are
 
[32:16] Why putting your marriage on the front burner is the best thing you can do for your kids, not despite them
 
[36:50] Faith as a daily decision — how Marty grew up in a Christian home of 10 kids, went to Bible college at 18, and met Ginger there
 
[43:16] Six kids, ages 9 to 22 — how Marty stays intentional across the board by protecting Friday family night like a funeral-level commitment
 
[51:33] Parenting adult kids and the part nobody talks about — Marty tells the story of his son Ezekiel, video game addiction, homelessness, and what it means to show up when your kid can't have a conversation
 
[57:54] Why we have to let our kids fail — and why praying for your child to hit rock bottom is one of the hardest, most loving things a parent can do
 
[1:00:29] Where Ezekiel is now — working construction, up at 5am to read his Bible, completely transformed
 
[1:02:04] Where to find Marty, the Kill Complacency assessment, and the book that just came out May 12th
 
Five Key Takeaways
 
 1. 

Complacency is not something you defeat once. It comes back every day, in every area of your life, which is exactly why intentionality has to be a daily practice, not a one-time decision.
 2. 
 3. 

"I want to be more intentional" means nothing without specifics. Put your phone in the car on date night, greet your wife by name when you walk in the door, and schedule one-on-ones with each of your kids. Vague goals produce vague results.
 4. 
 5. 

Your environment will eventually beat your willpower. If you want to change a behavior, change what you're surrounded by first, whether that's removing the cookies from the counter or getting away from friends who make the habit harder to break.
 6. 
 7. 

Prioritizing your marriage over your kids is not selfish, it's the most important thing you can do for them. When your kids feel the security of a strong, affectionate marriage, they feel safe. When that foundation cracks, they feel it at 9 and still feel it at 39.
 8. 
 9. 

You have to let your kids fail. As painful as it is to watch, failure is where they learn best and sometimes the most loving thing a dad can do is stay in relationship, keep showing up, and pray for them to hit the bottom they need to hit to climb back up.
 10. 
 
Links & Resources
 
 • Kill Complacency (book and website) — 
https://www.killcomplacency.com • Kill Complacency Podcast — search "Kill Complacency" on your podcast app
 • Complacency Assessment — available at killcomplacency.com
 • Follow Marty Hofman on social media — @MartyHofman (1 F, 2 N's)
 • Willpower Doesn't Work by Benjamin Hardy — available wherever books are sold
 • The Alter Ego Effect by Todd Herman — available wherever books are sold
 • Dad Edge Episode 1496 Show Notes — 
https://www.thedadedge.com/1496 • Join the Dad Edge Community — 
https://www.thedadedge.com/join • Kid Questions Resource — 
https://www.thedadedge.com/kidquestions 
Closing
 
Marty spent years watching complacency chip away at men who had everything going for them and he built an entire life and a framework to fight back against it. Whether it was the moment he described greeting Ginger by name when he walked through the door, the Friday night family tradition his kids now look forward to, or the raw honesty of watching his son Ezekiel hit rock bottom and praying for it to happen so he could finally come back, this conversation was a reminder that intentional living isn't a personality type. It's a daily decision. Share this one with a man in your life who you know is drifting. He needs to hear it. And if this episode moved you, subscribe, leave a review, and help other dads find the show. Go out and live legendary.

Building Legacies That Outlast You By Being An Intentional Father featuring Marty Hofman

In this episode, Lee returned to the Dad Edge Alliance for an exclusive live Q&A with members asking real-time questions about raising kids to think like value creators. The conversation covers everything from how to engage a four-year-old in family finances to what to do when a capable adult son is drifting in a digital fog. If you've ever wanted to raise kids who don't just follow rules but genuinely understand why building a life of meaning matters, this one delivers.
 
Most parenting conversations focus on values, the character traits we want our kids to have. Lee draws a sharp distinction: having a values list is fine, but the real work is teaching kids to create value, holistically, across three buckets: material (money and lifestyle), positive emotional energy (how alive you feel going through life), and spiritual connectedness (family, community, and purpose). That framework, combined with one simple question (how would you like to create value in the world?), is the thread that runs through every answer Lee gives, whether he's talking to a dad with four-year-old twins, a dad with checked-out teenagers, or a dad watching a 20-year-old spend six hours a day alone in his room.
 
This is especially powerful for any dad who has felt the frustration of talking at his kids instead of being with them, who wants to make family meetings something his kids actually look forward to, or who is watching a young adult drift and wondering when to push harder versus when to change the environment instead.
 
 
 
Timeline Summary
 
[1:02] Larry introduces Lee Benson: Wall Street Journal bestselling author, founder of Dinner Table (impacting 50,000-plus families), serial entrepreneur with eight companies and a nine-figure exit, back for a second exclusive Alliance Q&A
 
[3:31] Lee's entrepreneurial origin story: pulling weeds at age 6 for $0.25 an hour, playing over 1,000 shows in a band in the early 80s, and launching his first actual business in 1993 after a lifetime of learning to trust the struggle
 
[5:36] Coming home at 17 to find his clothes in paper grocery sacks on the porch and the locks changed, and why getting forced out of a toxic, dangerous home was one of the best things that ever happened to him
 
[10:23] The Dinner Table framework: the critical difference between having a values list and intentionally creating holistic value across three buckets, material, positive emotional energy, and spiritual connectedness, and why keeping all three in balance is the whole game
 
[12:41] How the monthly family meeting works: setting shared goals, defining what leadership looks like in the family, reviewing the household budget as a team sport, and why a six-year-old can absolutely have her own line item
 
[16:19] Tommy's follow-up on his 23-year-old daughter who comes to him for financial advice but won't take it, and the one question Lee says works better than any advice you could give
 
[19:18] Luke's question: his family used to have a dinner table culture, but phones and teenage independence have caused it to drift, what's the one actionable thing he can take into tomorrow?
 
[21:23] The loneliness epidemic Lee witnessed firsthand: speaking to six groups of high school seniors in a single day, he watched every group melt when asked what it actually feels like to be more digitally connected and lonelier than ever
 
[24:03] The statistic that stops the room: only 18% of American families are traditional nuclear families with two biological parents and kids under 18 at home, and why it means anyone can build the family culture they want, regardless of where they started
 
[27:02] Larry's raw personal question: his 20-year-old son is a great kid headed for the fire academy, but right now he's spending five to six hours a day on screens, physically declining, and stuck in a liminal space with no clear purpose, and Larry doesn't know how to get through to him
 
[32:49] Lee's answer: environment shapes human nature more reliably than any conversation, and the story of his own brother whose entire trajectory changed when the Marine Corps changed his surroundings, and reversed the moment it was gone
 
[35:31] Lee pushes back hard on the "kids can't do it today" narrative: two grown men agree they would crush the exact same challenges facing young people right now, so why do adults keep having conversations that tell kids they can't?
 
[39:36] The digital isolation question: why providing basic needs without accountability for how hours are spent creates the exact environment that enables drift, and what rules of engagement actually look like when you apply them clearly and without flinching
 
[43:56] Lee flips the table and asks Larry a question: in his entire life, across thousands of leaders he has studied and worked with, only two people have ever been truly "with" him, not talking at, over, or down to him, and what does Larry think most dads are missing?
 
[45:29] Larry's honest answer: 80% generative questions and psychological safety, 20% intense and emotion-driven lectures, and why that 20% probably feels like the majority of the experience for his son
 
[48:42] Lee reframes the whole conversation: planting seeds takes time, and being frustrated that a 20-year-old hasn't learned what took you 30 years to figure out is a form of unfairness, the job is to keep planting, not to demand the harvest
 
[53:06] Lee and Luke on using a hard childhood as rocket fuel: it took Lee 17 years to fully separate from a toxic family situation, and the shift that freed him was realizing it was never about him, it was about people who couldn't even raise themselves
 
 
 
Five Key Takeaways
 
 1. There is a critical difference between having values and intentionally creating value. Values are character traits on a list. Value creation is an active, daily practice across three buckets: material (money and the lifestyle your family needs), positive emotional energy (how alive and energized you feel going through life), and spiritual connectedness (your bonds with family, community, and purpose). Families that confuse the two drift. Families that focus on all three build something that compounds over decades.

 2. The one question that works at every age is: how would you like to create value in the world? For a four-year-old it plants a seed. For a teenager it opens a door that lectures can't. For a 23-year-old in "I Know Everything Syndrome," it bypasses the defense wall entirely and invites her into a real conversation about who she wants to become. Lee uses it with 3-year-olds and 80-year-old CEOs because it is never about telling someone what to do, it is about making the conversation theirs.
 3. The environment shapes human nature more reliably than any conversation. If you make it easy to drift, human nature says they'll drift. Lee has seen this in a brother who became a model Marine the moment the Corps changed his surroundings, and unraveled the moment it was gone. For any dad watching a young adult spiral, the most powerful lever is not a harder talk. It is changing the rules of engagement in the home, clearly and without negotiation, so that moving forward becomes the path of least resistance.
 4. Only 18% of American families are traditional nuclear families, and households with two parents where one stays home represent just 7%. Lee's point is not that the numbers are discouraging, it is that they are liberating. The vast majority of families are navigating this in some non-traditional structure, which means there is no inherited blueprint you are obligated to follow. You can build exactly the family you want to lead, and you can start that process at any age.
 5. Most adults talk at, over, or down to kids. Almost no one is truly with them, with their potential, with their future self, with who they are still becoming. In Lee's entire life, across thousands of leaders he has studied, only two people showed up for him that way. The dads in this community have the chance to be that person. Getting curious, asking generative questions, and sitting beside a kid instead of facing off against him is not just a communication tactic. It is the whole relationship.
 
 
 
Links & Resources
 
 
 
 • Dinner Table Community: 
https://dinnertable.com
 • Execute to Win (CEO Mastermind Groups): 
https://etw.com
 • Value Creation Family by Lee Benson: 
https://www.amazon.com/Value-Creation-Family-Playbook-Setting/dp/1636805981
 • The Dad Edge Alliance: 
https://thedadedge.com/join
 • Episode Shownotes: 
https://thedadedge.com/1495 http://thedadedge.com/kidquestions 
 
 
Closing
 
What Lee brought to this Q&A is not a framework you need a consultant to implement. It is one question, how would you like to create value in the world?, and the willingness to ask it and actually listen to the answer. Try it this week with one of your kids. And if Larry's raw honesty about talking at his son instead of being with him hit close to home, share this episode with a dad who needed to hear it. If you're not yet part of the Alliance where conversations like this happen live every month, head over to thedadedge.com. Follow the show, leave a rating and review, and help us get this in front of the dads who need it most.
 
Go out and live legendary.

Raising Kids Who Thrive with Purpose & Confidence featuring Lee Benson

Most of us grow up thinking success means staying busy, staying strong, and never stopping. But what happens when the career that defined you is gone? Michael Kay spent decades as a financial planner and NYU instructor helping high achievers build wealth — until he realized the most important investments had nothing to do with portfolios. He's the host of the Chapter X Podcast and author of How to Craft Your Chapter X, and he's spent years guiding successful men through the emotional and psychological shift from career identity to a purposeful next chapter. He's been married to his college sweetheart Wendy since 1977, is a dad of two, and a grandfather of three.
 
This conversation goes deep on the patterns we inherit from our fathers, what it actually means to listen instead of just waiting to respond, and why retirement without intention is a trap most men never see coming. If you've ever tied your worth to what you do instead of who you are, this one is for you.
 
Timeline Summary
 
[1:02] Larry introduces the June Alliance promo — signed copy of The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood plus three bonus courses for new members
 
[3:01] Michael joins in studio, sharing what it means to be a dad and grandfather first
 
[3:48] Larry invites Michael to describe growing up with a demanding, workaholic father who didn't spare physical discipline
 
[5:29] Michael reflects on how watching his father — who had no model himself — taught him what he would never do with his own children
 
[9:49] Michael shares what he learned from his father's dedication as a sixth-grade teacher who taught every student at their own reading level
 
[10:42] Michael's musical upbringing — his uncle was good enough to play with Duke Ellington, and Michael took weekly lessons from a New York Philharmonic trumpeter at 14
 
[17:55] A butcher named Al Roth becomes a turning point — the first man Michael ever saw who loved his family openly, and what that lit up in him
 
[22:31] Larry asks how Michael and Wendy have navigated 49 years of marriage, especially given the communication models neither of them grew up with
 
[26:36] Michael breaks down how men and women process differently — and why creating space instead of rushing to solve is the real skill in marriage
 
[29:47] What deep listening actually looks like in practice, and why a "yeah, but" response signals that no one was listening at all
 
[34:26] The origin of "Chapter X" — and how an eighth-grade algebra class planted the idea that every next season of life is something to solve for
 
[40:19] Why the book is not about money — it's about reclaiming the curious, unfinished person you were before your career became your identity
 
[43:33] The eulogy exercise: Michael and Larry on why writing your own eulogy is one of the most powerful things a man can do to realign his actions with his values
 
[47:37] The hard truth that 98% of daily activity often isn't in alignment with what you'd want said about you at the end
 
[49:44] Michael tells his 50-years-younger self to stop taking himself so seriously, start listening better, and soften the edges
 
Five Key Takeaways
 
 1. Nothing happens in a vacuum. The way your father treated you was shaped by everything that happened to him before you arrived. Understanding the roots of that behavior doesn't excuse it, but it changes how you carry it forward.
 2. You only break a cycle when something from outside enters your normal. For Michael, that was Al Roth — a marine turned butcher who loved his family loudly and openly. You can't change patterns you can't see, and sometimes it takes a single outside example to show you another way.
 3. Men and women don't process information the same way, and pretending otherwise is what creates most communication breakdowns. Allowing space, taking things in small chunks, and saying "let me think about that" are not signs of weakness — they're how you stop reacting and start responding.
 4. Retirement without intention is just drift. Most high-achieving men have never asked themselves who they are without the title. Chapter X isn't about winding down; it's about solving for what comes next before the career disappears and leaves a vacuum behind it.
 5. Your eulogy is your roadmap. What you want your spouse, your kids, your grandchildren to say about you at the end is the truest picture of what you actually value. The gap between that and how you spent last Tuesday is worth sitting with.
 
Links & Resources
 
 • The Dad Edge Alliance (June promo — signed book + bonus courses) — 
https://thedadedge.com/join • Episode show notes and links — 
https://thedadedge.com/1494 • Kid Questions resource — 
https://thedadedge.com/kidquestions • Michael Kay's website, blog, and podcast — 
https://michaelfkay.com/ • Contact Michael directly — 
mk@michaelfk.com How to Craft Your Chapter X • — available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and at michaelfk.com
 
Closing
 
Michael Kay has been figuring out what matters most for a long time, and everything he shared in this conversation — from a demanding father who had no model of his own, to a butcher named Al who showed him what a loving man actually looks like — points to the same truth: the way we show up is almost always about where we came from, until we decide it isn't. If this episode hit close to home, send it to a man in your life who's chasing the next thing without knowing why. Rate and review the show so more dads find these conversations, and follow along so you don't miss what's coming next. Go out and live legendary.

Most Men Retire Into Emptiness Instead of Purpose featuring Michael F. Kay

I'll be honest with you — this conversation gave me chills more than once. JoJo Simmons grew up with one of the most recognizable names in music history, the son of Joseph "Run" Simmons, co-founder of Run-D.M.C. and a pioneer of hip hop culture. But what I've always respected about JoJo is that he's never coasted on that name. He's spent years carving out his own path in music, entertainment, and now podcasting, while quietly doing the harder work of becoming a present father and a committed husband.
 
We went everywhere in this conversation. We talked about what it was like growing up under a microscope, making the kinds of mistakes every teenager makes except having them show up on TMZ. We talked about his parents, how they kept love intact through divorce, how his mother made one of the hardest decisions a parent can make to protect her son, and how his dad evolved from tough love to open communication in a way that shaped the father JoJo is today. This episode is filled with wisdom I didn't expect and moments that made me stop and think about my own home.
 
JoJo has been married to his wife Denise for nearly seven years, together for 17. They're raising a ten-year-old daughter named Mia and a four-year-old son, Joseph, who is nonverbal and receiving occupational therapy. Watching JoJo talk about both of his kids, the way he's learning to hold space for his daughter as she grows into her own person, and the way he's modeling confidence and calm for his son, you can see a man who is fully in it. Not perfect. Fully in it.
 
He's also building something. His podcast and media community, For Good, launched just a year ago and it's already growing fast. The name says everything: it represents forever, and it represents putting good into the world. JoJo's vision for it goes beyond episodes and downloads. He wants festivals. He wants a movement. He wants people from every walk of life sitting in a room together feeling heard and seen. After spending an hour with him, I believe he'll build it.
 
 
 
Timeline Summary
 
[1:02] Growing up as the son of Run from Run-D.M.C. — the good and the hard of a very public childhood
 
[3:47] How JoJo's parents stayed committed to their kids' wellbeing despite divorce, and why he never felt an absence of love
 
[5:07] The arrest that showed up in the New York Times and TMZ, and the moment JoJo knew he had gone too far
 
[10:24] What his dad did specifically that shaped the father JoJo wants to be, including the shift from discipline to conversation
 
[14:28] Dad Edge June offer — signed copy of The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood, the Patience course, and more at thedadedge.com/join
 
[17:28] JoJo's mom: a single mother with a doctorate who ground every day, never spoke ill of his father, and made the hard call to send JoJo to live with his dad at 13
 
[22:23] How JoJo met Denise at McDonald's — two vegetarians, one bold move, and a phone call to her mother
 
[28:38] Ten years of dating, a breakup, a promise ring, and why the time apart made the relationship real
 
[32:21] How communication and being willing to ask "are we really this bad?" has kept their marriage intact through seven years
 
[36:56] Raising a ten-year-old daughter — learning to listen instead of lead, and why how you treat her now shapes who she'll accept later
 
[40:44] JoJo's morning routine: up at 5:30 a.m., candle lit, meditation music, 20–30 minutes of emotional regulation before the household wakes up
 
[44:54] Raising his four-year-old son Joseph — teaching both kids that they are the value in every room they walk into
 
[46:30] How JoJo thinks about raising kids in the public eye, protecting them from attaching their worth to fame
 
[49:39] How the For Good podcast started, what the name means, and the community and movement JoJo is building
 
[57:38] A ten-year dinner table visualization — what JoJo wants his wife and kids to say when they look back
 
 
 
Five Key Takeaways
 
 1. 

Growing up in the spotlight teaches you fast that public mistakes carry a different weight — JoJo's arrest at a pivotal teenage moment became front-page news, and he now uses that experience to stay honest with his own kids about consequence and accountability without shame.
 2. 
 3. 

The way your parents handle their relationship with each other after a split shapes your children more than you realize — JoJo's parents never let him see the turmoil between them, and that protection of the family unit became one of the greatest gifts they gave him.
 4. 
 5. 

Marriage takes courage from both people — brushing arguments under the rug feels like peace in the short term but builds into the bigger blowups, and JoJo has learned to address issues in the moment rather than let them accumulate.
 6. 
 7. 

As a father of a daughter, your emotional regulation sets the template for what she will tolerate and accept in her own relationships — staying calm, listening deeply, and being the safe place she can come to at 2 a.m. at age 20 is the whole job.
 8. 
 9. 

You are the thermostat in your home, not the thermometer — JoJo wakes up at 5:30 every morning before the household starts because he knows the energy he brings into the day is the energy the whole family will operate in.
 10. 
 
 
 
Links & Resources
 
 • Join the Dad Edge Alliance (June offer — signed book, Patience course, marriage course, and more) — 
https://www.thedadedge.com/join • Kid Questions resource — 
https://www.thedadedge.com/kidquestions • Full show notes for this episode — 
https://www.thedadedge.com/1493 • For Good Podcast website — 
https://www.forgooduniverse.com • JoJo Simmons on Instagram — 
https://www.instagram.com/jojo_simmons • For Good Podcast on Instagram — 
https://www.instagram.com/forgoodpodcast • For Good Podcast on YouTube — 
https://www.youtube.com/@ForGoodPodcast 
 
 
Closing
 
JoJo came into this conversation humble, honest, and more self-aware than I expected from someone who's been in the public eye since he was a teenager. That moment where he talked about looking back ten years from now at the dinner table — not asking for perfection, just asking that every person around that table felt seen, heard, and not forced into anything — that hit me. That's the goal. That's the whole thing. If this episode spoke to something you're working through in your own home, share it with another dad who needs to hear it. And if you haven't already, please follow The Dad Edge, leave a rating, and drop a review. Go out and live legendary.

The Real Reason Most Men Avoid the Hard Conversations in Their Marriage featuring JoJo Simmons

Jenna Free is a counselor specializing in ADHD regulation who discovered her own diagnosis while drowning in grad school with two babies 17 months apart. She has since developed a full certification program teaching other mental health professionals her ADHD regulation method, and she runs ADHD regulation groups for clients from her home base in Calgary, Alberta.
 
In this episode, Jenna joined The Dad Edge Alliance for a live Q&A that goes far deeper than a typical ADHD conversation. The focus isn't the diagnosis itself — it's the nervous system, specifically how chronic fight-or-flight mode silently drives the impatience, compulsive behavior, crashes, and parenting struggles so many dads in this community experience. If you've ever wondered why you can't just logic your way into being calmer, this one's for you.
 
Most of us assume ADHD is about the brain you were born with. Jenna reframes it completely — the real problem isn't the diagnosis, it's the dysregulated nervous system underneath it, and that part is something you can actually change. This conversation pulls back the curtain on the frantic-crash cycle, the fight-flight-freeze-fawn response, why pressure feels like performance, and what it looks like to function from a regulated baseline instead of white-knuckling through the day.
 
This is especially powerful for any dad who has ever snapped at his kids in the morning, struggled to slow down, or quietly wondered whether go, go, go is actually working against him.
 
 
 
Timeline Summary
 
[1:02] Jenna's background: how her own ADHD diagnosis in grad school — with a six-month-old and an 18-month-old at home — led her to develop the ADHD regulation method
 
[3:24] Why calendars and timers weren't enough: the frantic-crash cycle Jenna kept seeing in herself and every client she worked with
 
[4:13] The nervous system root cause: why almost every neurodivergent person (and most parents) is running in a chronic state of fight-or-flight
 
[6:36] Can you think your way out of it? Jenna explains why logic alone can't calm a dysregulated nervous system
 
[9:16] Alliance member Jason's question: where to start with regulation for yourself and how to notice when your son is sliding into dysregulation
 
[10:06] The first practical step — learning to physically feel dysregulation in your body: tight shoulders, rushing, impatience, holding your breath
 
[11:49] The rushing reframe every parent needs: shifting from "let's go, let's go" to "let's focus" and why that small shift changes the whole morning
 
[17:55] Breaking down all four modes: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn — including why people-pleasing is a survival response, not a personality trait
 
[25:26] Alliance member Chris's question: the "pressure to perform" cycle and why functioning in high-intensity fight-or-flight leads to hard crashes and compulsive avoidance
 
[30:21] Why a formal diagnosis may not matter: Jenna's framework focuses on nervous system regulation regardless of whether you have a label
 
[40:19] Dysregulation is contagious — but so is regulation: how Jenna's own internal work changed her husband without a single conversation about it
 
[42:16] Joanne's question: how to help a high-achieving son who struggles at school, and why the most powerful thing parents can do happens before they drop the kids off
 
[47:21] Jenna's upcoming book, Full Capacity, and why she believes regulation is the most ambitious thing a driven person can pursue
 
[54:12] The dreamer-freeze type: why a low-motivation, avoidant kid is just as dysregulated as a hyperactive one — it just looks different
 
[57:10] The host shares his own ADHD management tools — exercise and clean eating — and Jenna explains exactly why they work from a nervous system standpoint
 
 
 
Five Key Takeaways
 
 1. 

You can't think your way out of fight-or-flight because it's not a thought problem — it's a nervous system problem. The primal part of your brain believes you're being chased by a bear, and no amount of self-talk will convince it otherwise until you address the physical and behavioral patterns keeping it on alert.
 2. 
 3. 

The frantic-crash cycle isn't a productivity style — it's a symptom. When you require pressure to get things done and then collapse afterward, you're not built that way; you've been trained into it. The only way out is to consciously lower the intensity during the good stretches, not just manage the crashes.
 4. 
 5. 

Rushing is one of the clearest signals your nervous system has flipped into survival mode. When you catch yourself rushing the kids in the morning, the fix isn't to push through faster — it's to physically slow down and shift from "let's go" to "let's focus," which calms everyone's system and actually gets you out the door more effectively.
 6. 
 7. 

Your regulation — or lack of it — is setting the baseline for your whole family. Kids and partners co-regulate with the people around them. You can't force your kids to be calm, but becoming a regulated, grounded presence does more than any conversation about breathing ever will.
 8. 
 9. 

Fight-or-flight doesn't always look like intensity. Freeze and avoidance are just as much a dysregulated state as frantic rushing — they're just the other end of the pendulum. A kid who looks unmotivated or a dad who procrastinates for two weeks is dealing with the same nervous system problem as the guy who can't slow down.
 10. 
 
Links & Resources
 
 • The Dad Edge Alliance — 
https://thedadedge.com/join • Questions for the Car (free resource) — 
https://thedadedge.com/kidquestions • ADHD with Jenna Free (social media) — @adhdwithjennafree
 • Full Capacity HQ (upcoming content on regulation for ambitious people) — @fullcapacityhq
 • Episode Shownotes: 
http://thedadedge.com/1492 
Closing
 
What Jenna laid out here isn't a quick fix — and she'd be the first one to tell you that. But there's something powerful in knowing that the part of you that snaps at your kids, crashes after a big push, or can't quite slow down no matter how much you want to — that part isn't a character flaw. It's a nervous system that's been running in survival mode, and it can be retrained. If this conversation hit close to home, share it with a dad you know who's quietly fighting the same battle. And if you're not yet part of the Alliance where conversations like this happen every month, head over to thedadedge.com/join. Follow the show, leave a rating and review, and help us get this in front of the dads who need it most.
 
Go out and live legendary.

The ADHD Regulation Method That Replaced Medication featuring Jenna Free

For all the links mentioned in this show and to connect with Larry Hagner, head over to our show notes page HERE

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