5 Things Secretly Stealing Your Pleasure

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In this Sex with Emily episode, Dr. Emily brings on sex educator Dr. Emily Nagoski for a live conversation—and they get brutally honest about their own sex lives falling apart.

Why even bestselling sex experts lose their desire—and how Dr. Emily's nervous system was so shot she didn't even want orgasms.

The myth that kept her terrified to stop sex once it started: believing "blue balls" required hospitalization—and the truth that you can stop and start anytime.

A parent worried their college-age kids aren't having sex or relationships—the questions to ask instead of pushing sex on them, and why nobody dies from not having sex but people do die from loneliness.

The most important thing parents can do around sexuality: unlearn your own shame first—because your embarrassment when they ask questions teaches them more than any words ever could.

The reframe for anyone struggling with desire: what you actually want when you want sex (it's not orgasm—you can do that alone), and what you don't want when you don't want sex.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction

1:26 – Sex Experts Lose Desire Too

7:24 – The Pleasure Thieves

17:53 – Why It's Okay to Stop During Sex

20:20 – Cold Feet and Orgasms

25:50 – The Role of Shame

30:17 – Navigating Social Media Censorship

35:41 – Teaching Kids About Sex

38:47 – The Patriarchy Problem

39:49 – Closing