Ep 390 From Betrayal to Building True Intimacy with Matthew & Joanna Raabsmith

Zach sits down with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, co-founders of the RaabSmith Team, to talk about their journey from betrayal and addiction to building a thriving marriage and coaching practice.

They share candidly about Matthew’s struggles with sex addiction and pornography, Joanna’s experience of betrayal trauma, and the long process of stabilizing their relationship. What began as survival slowly transformed into something deeper, thanks to radical honesty, acceptance, and the development of their “Pyramid of Intimacy,” which helps couples rebuild step by step from honesty to safety, trust, vulnerability, and finally intimacy.

Now leading a team of couples who help other couples, Matthew and Joanna demonstrate that it’s possible not only to recover, but to thrive—turning personal pain into a pathway for others.

Key Takeaways

Addiction doesn’t define the whole story - Matthew explains how accepting his past, rather than hiding it, became the turning point toward freedom and connection.

Betrayal trauma is real - Joanna describes how deception and secrecy shattered her sense of safety, and why naming betrayal trauma was key to healing.

Honesty is the foundation - Their “Pyramid of Intimacy” begins with honesty, because trust and connection can’t exist without it.

Recovery takes time and practice - Small, consistent acts of honesty, even about little things, helped restore safety and rebuild intimacy.

Second chances can be stronger - Their “second ‘I do’” is richer and more meaningful than the first, because it’s grounded in truth and intentionality.

Purpose, passion, and play fuel intimacy - They emphasize that thriving couples cultivate not just survival, but shared joy and adventure.

Guest Info

Matthew and Joanna RaabSmithFounders of the RaabSmith Team, Matthew and Joanna are authors, speakers, and coaches specializing in betrayal recovery and intimacy building. Their book Building True Intimacy outlines their Pyramid of Intimacy framework. Together, they lead a team of couples who have walked through betrayal and now help others find honesty, healing, and deeper connection.

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