How To Identify Covert Narcissistic Behavior

Are we all just pawns in the elaborate game of narcissists, or can we learn to see through their facade? This is the question that emerged from a recent episode of the podcast "Hidden Killers," where host Tony Brueski and trauma therapist Heather Boorman delved into the complex world of narcissism.

Narcissism, often tossed around in casual conversation, may be more pervasive than we think. Boorman, author of 'A Thousand Paper Cuts,' explained, "Just because there are narcissistic tendencies does not necessarily qualify for an official NPD [Narcissistic Personality Disorder] diagnosis." She emphasized the spectrum of narcissism, from overt to covert, and the challenge of diagnosing based on the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).

Boorman described overt narcissists as those who exhibit grandiosity and a palpable need for admiration. They stand out at social gatherings with their self-centered behavior. In contrast, covert narcissists, while equally self-absorbed, are more insidious, often maintaining a positive public profile and employing psychological manipulations.

"The overt narcissist is like a big meteor that hits, and a covert narcissist is like the Colorado River that chips away gradually," Boorman analogized. She explained that victims often don't realize the gradual erosion of their well-being in such relationships.

The discussion also covered the motivations behind narcissistic behavior. Boorman outlined three primary goals: seeking supply (to feel their existence through others' reactions), avoiding introspection and underlying shame, and obtaining maximum benefit with minimal effort.

Boorman and Brueski also discussed the pattern of narcissistic abuse, which typically follows a cycle of love bombing, devaluation, and discard. Victims often stay for decades, entangled in this cycle, unable to pinpoint the cause of their unhappiness.

This enlightening conversation sheds light on a topic often misunderstood and oversimplified. As we navigate our relationships, it's crucial to ask: Are we equipped to recognize and protect ourselves from the subtle manipulations of narcissists?

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Release date

Lydbog: 20. februar 2024