769: How to Connect Better with Remote Colleagues, with Charles Duhigg

Charles Duhigg: Supercommunicators

Charles Duhigg is a Pulitzer Prize–winning investigative journalist and the author of The Power of Habit and Smarter Faster Better. He is a winner of the National Academies of Sciences, National Journalism, and George Polk awards. He writes for The New Yorker and other publications and is the author of Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection (Amazon, Bookshop)*.

A lot of us grew up in a world where most of our relationships started in person. That means many of us are beautifully equipped for a world that no longer exists. In this conversation, Charles and I discuss how to get better at connecting in a remote-first world.

Key Points

• When the telephone first became popular, people had to learn how to communicate with it. We’re at a similar inflection point with digital communication.

• We all have three kinds of conversations: (1) What’s this really about? (practical/decision-making), (2) How do we feel? (emotional), and (3) Who are we? (identity).

• Many of us tend to default to practical/decision-making conversations online and miss conversations about emotion and identity.

• Ask questions that invite an emotional or identity response. Instead of, “Where do you live?” consider a shift like, “What do you love about where you live?”

• Notice when people bring elements into a conversation that aren’t related to the topic. These clues, especially online, can point to entry points for emotional connection.

• Supercommunicators pay just a bit more attention to how people communicate than the rest of us. A slight shift can make a big difference.

Resources Mentioned

Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection • by Charles Duhigg ( Amazon • , Bookshop • )*

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

The Way to Get People Talking, with Andrew Warner • (episode 560)

How to Lead Engaging Meetings, with Jess Britt • (episode 721)

How to Show Up Authentically in Tough Situations, with Andrew Brodsky • (episode 727)

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