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Dave Stachowiak

Leaders aren’t born, they’re made. This Monday show helps you discover leadership wisdom through insightful conversations. Independently produced weekly since 2011, Dr. Dave Stachowiak brings perspective from a thriving, global leadership academy, plus more than 15 years of leadership at Dale Carnegie. Bestselling authors, expert researchers, deep conversation, and regular dialogue with listeners have attracted 40 million downloads and over 250K followers on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Activate your FREE membership to access the entire leadership and management library at CoachingforLeaders.com

Coaching for Leaders

Andrew Brodsky: Ping
Andrew Brodsky is an award-winning professor, management consultant, and virtual communications expert at the McCombs School of Business at The University of Texas at Austin. He is an expert in workplace technology, communication, and productivity, and serves as the CEO of Ping Group. He is the author of Ping: The Secrets of Successful Virtual Communication*.

We’ve all heard the well intended advice that having interactions in person is always best. And that being as close to perfect as possible is ideal. Turns out, not always. In this conversation, Andrew and I explore how adapting to the context of tough situations can help you show up in a way that’s helpful for the other party and for you.
Key Points

 In virtual interactions, what feels authentic to you may not seem authentic to the person you’re interacting with.
 While video is best for being present, it may not be best when your underlying emotions could leak into a situation.
 Surface acting helps us all land with the other party more authentically. Audio only can help this land better.
 If using a less rich medium to communicate (i.e. email instead of a conversation) it’s helpful to explain why you made that choice.
 People who appear perfectly competent may not be as likable. Consider surfacing blunders that aren’t central to the core expertise of your work.
 We often default to the medium that works best for us. Consider what will land best with the other party.

Resources Mentioned

 Ping: The Secrets of Successful Virtual Communication* by Andrew Brodsky

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 How to Genuinely Show Up for Others, with Marshall Goldsmith (episode 590)
 How to Make a Better Impression on Camera, with Mark Bowden (episode 643)
 How to Grow From Feedback, with Jennifer Garvey Berger (episode 713)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

727: How to Show Up Authentically in Tough Situations, with Andrew Brodsky

Simon Sinek: Start with Why* and Leaders Eat Last*
Questions from Mastermind members:

 How do you make these ideas part of the operating culture of the organization? —Mike
 I have listened to Simon's book, Why Leaders Eat Last. Simon provided a lot of examples of what he calls the circle of safety. His philosophy and ideas are rational. Does he have data to support that getting buy in on his philosophy is actually good for business by reducing costs or increasing profits? —Chris

Quotes
Companies should not be deciding their purpose or cause based on market research. That’s like a politician deciding what their vision is based on poll numbers.
—Simon Sinek

The first step to becoming that leader we wish we had is to actually want to be the leader.
—Simon Sinek

It’s about all about purpose and creating strong human relationships, and learning your “Why” gives you a massive advantage in decision-making.
—Simon Sinek

Fulfillment comes through service to others. When we make it about ourselves, it never really works. When we make it about others, it really feels amazing.
—Simon Sinek

If your kid has a bad report card, you don’t put him up for adoption, you get him a tutor. If someone has performance issues at the company, you don’t fire them, you coach them.
—Simon Sinek

Leadership is a process, and it requires commitment.
—Simon Sinek

The only way to find out if it will work is to do it.
—Simon Sinek

Leaders are not responsible for the numbers; leaders are responsible for the people responsible for the numbers.
—Simon Sinek
Resources

 Book: Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action* by Simon Sinek
 Book: Leaders Eat Last* by Simon Sinek
 TED talk: How great leaders inspire action

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Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

223: Start With Why, with Simon Sinek

Mollie West Duffy: Big Feelings
Mollie West Duffy is an expert in organizational design, development, and leadership coaching. She previously was an organizational design lead at global innovation firm IDEO. She’s helped advise and coach leaders and founders at companies including Casper, Google, LinkedIn, Bungalow, and Slack. She’s experienced in designing talent processes and systems, as well as organizational structures and behaviors, cultural values, and learning and development programs.

She's written for Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Entrepreneur, Quartz, and other digital outlets. She co-founded the Capital Good Fund, Rhode Island's first microfinance fund. She is the co-author with Liz Fosslien of the Wall Street Journal bestseller No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work and now their second book Big Feelings: How To Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay*.

We’ve all heard the well-intended advice that we should not compare ourselves to others. In this conversation, Mollie and I explore why that's almost impossible to do and how we can cooperate a bit more with the inevitable and make our comparisons more useful. We highlight some of the key ways that comparison can help us and where leaning in may actually be useful in your own happiness and development.
Key Points

 It’s a myth that the less you compare yourself to others, the better. Often, the opposite is true: we don’t compare ourselves enough.
 We tend to compare our weaknesses to other people's strengths. Finding ways to curate our inputs is often much more useful.
 Shifting from malicious envy to benign envy is helpful. Thoughts such as “I’m inspired by what they’ve done…” or “I haven’t done what they’ve done…yet,” can move us to a healthier place.
 We see the best of people on social media. It’s helpful to piece together the missing footage by comparing some of the nitty gritty.
 Compare present you against past you.

Resources Mentioned

 Big Feelings: How To Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay* by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy
 How to Manage Your Anger at Work by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 Four Steps to Get Unstuck and Embrace Change, with Susan David (episode 297)
 What to Do With Your Feelings, with Lori Gottlieb (episode 438)
 How to Reduce Burnout, with Jennifer Moss (episode 561)

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Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

582: How to Compare Yourself to Others, with Mollie West Duffy

Jennifer Garvey Berger: Unleashing Your Complexity Genius
Jennifer believes that leadership is one of the most vital renewable resources in the world. She designs and teaches leadership programs, coaches senior teams, and supports new ways of thinking about strategy and people. In her three highly acclaimed books, Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps, Simple Habits for Complex Times (co-authored with Keith Johnston), and Changing on the Job, she builds on deep theoretical knowledge to offer practical ways to make leaders’ work more meaningful and their lives more fun. She has worked with senior leaders in the private, non-profit, and government sectors around the world with organizations like Novartis, Google, KPMG, Intel, Microsoft, Wikimedia, and the New Zealand Department of Conservation.

Jennifer also supports executives one-on-one as a leadership coach. Over the last decade, she has developed the Growth Edge Coaching approach. She supports clients to find their current growing edge and then make choices about how they want to develop. She teaches coaches around the world transformational and developmental coaching approaches in her Growth Edge Coaching certification series. Jennifer speaks at leadership and coaching conferences, and she offers courses for coaches at universities all over the world. She is the co-author with Carolyn Coughlin of Unleash Your Complexity Genius: Growing Your Inner Capacity to Lead*.

In this conversation, Jennifer and I discuss the reality that most of us don’t like uncertainty. That makes experimenting with new ideas and actions in complex environments very challenging. We uncover several practices that can help us benefit from experimentation in the midst of complexity and grow from these experiences.
Key Points

 Complicated situations are hard, but have a clear answer (such as how to send humans to the moon). In contrast, complex situations are dynamic; yesterday’s answer may not work tomorrow.
 Most of us really dislike complexity, to the extent that that people with terminal diseases are happier than those who will likely recover.
 Step-by-step approaches don’t work in very complex situations. Instead, take action through thoughtful experimentation.
 When experimenting, release your attachment to outcomes.
 Lean into humility and don’t shy away from endings. Putting end dates on experiments helps us move forward — and sometimes remove what isn’t working.

Resources Mentioned

 Unleash Your Complexity Genius: Growing Your Inner Capacity to Lead* by Jennifer Garvey Berger and Carolyn Coughlin

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 Essentials of Adult Development, with Mindy Danna (episode 273)
 How to Pivot Quickly, with Steve Blank (episode 476)
 Help Your Brain Learn, with Lisa Feldman Barrett (episode 513)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

613: How to Lead Better Through Complexity, with Jennifer Garvey Berger

Daphne E. Jones: Win When They Say You Won't
Daphne E. Jones has 30 years of experience in general management and executive level roles at IBM, Johnson & Johnson, Hospira, and General Electric but began her career as a secretary. At GE, she served as Senior Vice President for Future of Work, Senior Vice President & Chief Information Officer for Product Engineering, Imaging, and Ultrasound, and as Senior Executive & Chief Information Officer for Global Services, all of which composed a $13 billion segment of GE Healthcare.

She serves on the board of directors for AMN Healthcare, Inc., Barnes Group Inc., and Masonite International Corp. She is the recipient of numerous domestic and international awards and recently started a company that teaches leaders how to prepare to serve on boards. She is the author of Win When They Say You Won't: Break Through Barriers and Keep Leveling Up Your Success*.

In this conversation, Daphne invites us to look at ourselves through the lens of a product, just as others will view us. We discuss the three critical elements of how stakeholders view you. Plus, Daphne and I explore the steps you can take to improve how you’re perceived through the different lenses that stakeholders see us through.
Key Points

 Stakeholders are crucial for your success and it’s helpful for you to view yourself in their eyes (and yours) as a product.
 Three elements are key: performance is doing your job well, image is how people describe you, and exposure is who knows you.
 When you get radio silence in the context of happenings inside of your organization, that’s an indicator you are underexposed. Caution: you can also be overexposed.
 Map your stakeholders in the context of their influence in your work and their interest in how it supports their own objectives.
 Mentors will make suggestions of things you should try. Find the part that will work for you and move on the advice.

Resources Mentioned

 Win When They Say You Won't: Break Through Barriers and Keep Leveling Up Your Success* by Daphne E. Jones
 To receive a free workbook, send receipt of your book purchase to daphne@daphneejones.com

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 How to Deal with Opponents and Adversaries, with Peter Block (episode 328)
 What You Gain By Sponsoring People, with Julia Taylor Kennedy (episode 398)
 How to Support Women of Color, with Minda Harts (episode 506)
 The Art of Mentoring Well, with Robert Lefkowitz (episode 599)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

614: The Way to Get Noticed by Key Stakeholders, with Daphne E. Jones

Anne Chow: Lead Bigger
Anne Chow was the CEO of AT&T Business and the first woman of color CEO in AT&T’s 140+ year history, responsible for leading a $35B global operating unit of over 35,000 people. She was named to Fortune’s Most Powerful Women in Business twice and today serves on a number of boards, including FranklinCovey, 3M, and CSX. She is the author of Lead Bigger: The Transformative Power of Inclusion.

We all know the importance of values, but it’s often hard to know where to begin when clarifying them with a team. In this conversation, Anne and I explore how to align on values that support a great culture and move towards a vision.
Key Points

 Values and ideologies are distinct. Leading bigger means honoring diverse ideologies while aligning on core values.
 Bigger leaders have the courage to admit and cite situations where they fall short.
 When asking people to craft values, invite them to start by individually considering their personal values.
 When discussing values as a group, highlight both the common agreements and also the outlying ideas.
 Leaders must ultimately decide which values best embody the culture and vision of their organization.
 Bring in different stakeholders to do a gut check on whether the values are legitimate.
 Measure behaviors against values and review and update values and metrics regularly.

Resources Mentioned

 Lead Bigger: The Transformative Power of Inclusion by Anne Chow

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 How to Create Team Guidelines, with Susan Gerke (episode 192)
 How to Discover What Others Value, with Joe Hart (episode 616)
 How to Prevent a Team From Repeating Mistakes, with Robert “Cujo” Teschner (episode 660)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

712: Clarifying Values for a Workplace People Love, with Anne Chow

Jennifer Garvey Berger: Changing on the Job
Jennifer Garvey Berger is cofounder and CEO of Cultivating Leadership, a consultancy that serves executives and teams in the private, non-profit, and government sectors. Her clients include Google, Microsoft, Novartis, Wikipedia, and Oxfam International. She is the author of four leadership books, including now in it’s second edition, Changing on the Job: How Leaders Become Courageous, Wise, and Steady in an Anxious World*.

We often think about feedback as something we give to someone else. What if, in addition to that, feedback is an opportunity for both parties to learn and grow? In this conversation, Jennifer and I explore how this can open a door to some of the best leadership work we do.
Key Points

 If we view feedback as only giving our truth to someone else, we’ve missed a huge opportunity for growth.
 Start by separating what happened from the interpretation of what happened.
 Get curious about your own response: what made you react so strongly?
 Talk it out. You have to welcome someone else into your thinking if you’re going to really learn.
 Invite in how the other person sees the situation. Consider saying, “I’m really interested in what this looked like from your perspective.”
 The process of unwinding what you hear is the good work of leadership and some the best work you can do.
 Build a solution together.

Resources Mentioned

 Changing on the Job: How Leaders Become Courageous, Wise, and Steady in an Anxious World* by Jennifer Garvey Berger

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 Essentials of Adult Development, with Mindy Danna (episode 273)
 How to Give Feedback, with Russ Laraway (episode 583)
 How to Lead Better Through Complexity, with Jennifer Garvey Berger (episode 613)

Production Credit
Coaching for Leaders is edited by Andrew Kroeger. Production support is provided by Sierra Priest.
Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

713: How to Grow From Feedback, with Jennifer Garvey Berger

Bonni Stachowiak: Teaching in Higher Ed
Bonni is the host of the Teaching in Higher Ed podcast, Dean of Teaching and Learning and Professor of Business and Management at Vanguard University, and my life partner. Prior to her academic career, she was a human resources consultant and executive officer for a publicly traded company. Bonni is the author of The Productive Online and Offline Professor: A Practical Guide*.
Listener Questions

 Josh asked about helpful practices for setting chat groups in the workplace, especially for remote workers.
 Lily was curious about the best way to structure a first session of a new innovation group and also how to help people engage.
 Nicole wondered how she might navigate a situation with a particular donor who is asking for more support than is typical.

Resources Mentioned

 The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters* by Priya Parker
 The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable* by Patrick Lencioni
 Sunrise, Sunset from Fiddler on the Roof

Related Episodes

 How to Create Meaningful Gatherings, with Priya Parker (episode 395)
 Transitioning to Remote Leadership, with Tammy Bjelland (episode 509)
 Transcend Leadership Struggles Through Your Strengths, with Lisa Cummings (episode 692)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

714: Team Collaboration and Communication, with Bonni Stachowiak

Sunita Sah: Defy
Sunita Sah is an award-winning professor at Cornell University and an expert in organizational psychology, leading groundbreaking research on influence, authority, compliance, and defiance. A trained physician, her research and analyses have been widely published in leading academic journals and media entities including The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Harvard Business Review, and Scientific American. She is the author of Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes*.

We often think of defiance as a snap judgement. Yet, it’s so much more nuanced and purposeful than it often appears. In this conversation, Sunita and I explore the common patterns of defiance and how we can all do a better job of standing up for ourselves.
Key Points

 We follow bad advice – even when we know it is obviously bad – to avoid appearing unhelpful.
 Defiance means acting in accordance with your true values when there is pressure to do otherwise.
 True defiance is not a snap judgement; it’s a process.
 Acts of defiance are preceded by many moments of conscious compliance, when defiance is deferred.
 Five stages of defiance often emerge: (1) Tension, (2) Acknowledgement (to ourselves), (3) Escalation (vocalize to others), (4) Threat of non-compliance, and (5) Act of defiance.
 Vocalizing our concern to someone else is a key pivot point on the journey to ultimately saying no.
 Respond explicitly to these questions: (1) Who am I? (2) What type of situation is this? and (3) What does a person like me do in a situation such as this?

Resources Mentioned

 Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes* by Sunita Sah

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 Find Courage to Speak When It Matters Most, with Allan McDonald (episode 229)
 How to Build Psychological Safety, with Amy Edmondson (episode 404)
 How to Speak Up, with Connson Locke (episode 546)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

715: How to Stand Up for Yourself, with Sunita Sah

Adam Galinsky: Inspire
Adam Galinsky is the Vice Dean for Diversity, Equity and Inclusion and Paul Calello Professor of Leadership and Ethics at the Columbia Business School. He co-authored the book Friend & Foe and his TED talk, How to Speak Up for Yourself, is one of the most popular of all time with over 7 million views. He's the author of Inspire: The Universal Path for Leading Yourself and Others.

Leaders can delegate many things, but vision is not one of them. Most every leader needs to be able to articulate the future. In this conversation, Adam and I explore the building blocks to get better at inspiring others.
Key Points

 Every leader has the potential to be inspiring. We can choose to get better.
 Whatever a leader says, either positive or negative, will be amplified.
 When values are brought front and center, they inspire behavior that creates a better future.
 Inspiring leaders offer a big picture, optimistic view of the future.
 Make visions simple and vivid. Simplicity is the key to inception. Use strong imagery that brings details to life.
 Repetition is essential for a vision to take hold. The more often we hear something, the more likely it becomes our own truth.

Resources Mentioned

 Inspire: The Universal Path for Leading Yourself and Others* by Adam Galinsky

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 How to Sell Your Vision, with Michael Hyatt (episode 482)
 The Beliefs of Inspirational Leaders, with Stephen M. R. Covey (episode 707)
 How to Create Your Personal Vision (Audio course)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

716: How to Share an Inspiring Vision, with Adam Galinsky

Jon Fogel: Punishment-­Free Parenting
Jon Fogel is a husband, a father of four, and a parenting educator. His goal is to teach how to parent more effectively, with less stress and more success by combining modern neuroscience, developmental psychology, counseling, and positive, gentle parenting wisdom. He is the author of Punishment-­Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice*.

Most of us aspire to lead well in every area of our lives, not just in the workplace. A key place for leadership with many of us is with our kids and the other young people in our lives. In this conversation, Jon and I discuss how to raise kids without raising your voice.
Key Points

 Consequences and punishment are not the same thing, even if the words are used interchangeably.
 Our kids want us to like them. They are not giving you a hard time; they’re having a hard time.
 Punishment doesn’t “teach kids a lesson.” More often, it crowds out higher-level thinking, and children are unable to remember what they were being punished for.
 Rather than imposing retribution, help children surface the natural and logistical consequences of their behaviors.
 Get curious, not furious. Often, there’s a perfectly rational reason that children are acting the way they are.
 Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.

Resources Mentioned

 Punishment-­Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice* by Jon Fogel
 Jon Fogel on Instagram

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 How to Reduce Drama With Kids, with Tina Payne Bryson (episode 310)
 The Way Into Better Conversations About Wealth, with Kristin Keffeler (episode 606)
 Supporting Return to Work After Maternity Leave, with Danna Greenberg (episode 639)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

729: How to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice, with Jon Fogel

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