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Your Favorite Band Sucks

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Let’s review: there’s no good art and it’s a red flag for adults to have a favorite band. Naturally, most of you will disagree. That's fine. Just pretend it's a drinking game. An algorithm randomly assigns the band Mark & Tyler destroy in every episode. Start on one everybody knows is trash, like The Beatles. But soon you'll realize culture is a pyramid scheme and your favorite band is just the soundtrack to a fake vintage t-shirt. (Get Ad-Free Episodes Here: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/subscribe)

Voted one of the Five Worst Bands of the '90s by Rolling Stone readers in 2013, Nirvana made what BBC listeners in 2005 considered to be the most overrated album ever, Nevermind. So, it's not even up to us, the results are in and Nirvana sucks! You know we have problems with Kurt Cobain being one of the most heralded "songwriters" of the slacker generation. (He's not even a songwriter, let alone a good one.) You know we have problems with Nirvana biting their sound from better bands. You know we have problems with this whole 27 Club suicide death cult self-selected martyr thing. But Nirvana was merely a symptom of a much larger problem: grunge. A truly awful cacophony - and dangerous, too! It's quite possible that grunge killed more people than gangster rap. Anyway, you're already pissed off about us making this episode, so you may as well listen to it now.

Nirvana Sucks

Whether or not humor belongs in music, Frank Zappa doesn't. It is an objective fact that he didn't even want to be making this trash, so why are you listening to it? Oh, you're in on the joke. Cool, cool. That must be fun to say out loud to yourself while listening to Zappa albums since no other living person has ever wanted to participate in that activity with you. Who needs friends when you have some asshole with a mustache, a ton of recording gear and absolutely no respect for you as a listener, right?

Zappa's autobiography should have been titled Being An Asshole To Make Music To Be An Asshole To.

Frank Zappa Sucks

Yeah, yeah. You think we think we're edgy for saying The Beatles suck. No, they really do suck. They made bad music and you should feel bad for liking it. Unless you already agree with us, in which case, welcome to your new favorite podcast. The Beatles took American music and sold it back to us with accents and stupid haircuts. Why are we supposed to be impressed? Oh, because they were the first ones to... Wait, they weren't the first ones to do anything important? What's going on here? Mark thinks if The Beatles are your favorite band then you don't even like music. Tyler doesn't disagree. Hear why The Beatles don't deserve credit for anything other than how much they suck on the first episode of Your Favorite Band Sucks.

The Beatles Suck

If you think the Rolling Stones are "cool" then you probably tried to join the Sons of Anarchy motorcycle gang at some point. They're not cool. They never were. They were told how to dress and how to talk. Even they know they suck at making music because they've only put out two albums in the past, like, twenty years and one of them was just a bunch of stupid covers.

The Rolling Stones Suck

This has to stop. Nobody asked for it and nobody wants it. Christmas music is canceled. If we all come together on this then we can make it happen. How would that be for a Christmas miracle?! We dedicate this episode of Your Favorite Band Sucks to anyone who has ever worked retail in the month of December. You didn't deserve that.

Christmas Music Sucks

Is U2 the single most overrated band on the planet? They very well may be. Saying that U2 sucks is like saying that passing a cluster of kidney stones sucks. Words don't do it justice. Still, Mark and Tyler have bad things to say about U2. Very bad things. The Edge has never even been able to play guitar. Bono seems to have a total lack of self-awareness from day one. Side note: can we please get a petition going to ban him from being in documentaries and/or continuing to be a massive hypocrite on political issues?

U2 Sucks

Red Hot Chili Peppers are the herpes of music! They destroyed American rock radio, maybe forever. (Like herpes.) Flea can play a lot of notes but he's playing them on a bass guitar so nobody should care. Oh, by the way, does anyone happen to know what Anthony Kiedis' favorite state is? Yeah, shut up about California, dude. We get it. Switch it up a little. Write another song about your wiener. What on earth was John Frusciante ever doing in this band? Mark has strong opinions about Dave Navarro! Tyler is concerned about the ability of one particular RHCP fan to pass an STD screening! Mike Patton has a legitimate reason to hate Anthony Kiedis! All that and more - on this week's episode of Your Favorite Band Sucks!

Red Hot Chili Peppers Suck

This is what would happen if Derek Zoolander started a band. Next time New York City comes up with some trash like this, do everyone a favor and keep it to yourselves. LCD Soundsystem sucks so hard, their own fans got mad at them for getting back together. That's pretty bad, right? Would anyone know or care about this band if dude hadn't founded DFA Records? No, they would not. Mark and Tyler break it down.

LCD Soundsystem Sucks

Don't feel bad for listening to Mark & Tyler dump on Green Day. They deserve it, maybe more than any other band on the podcast so far. They've stolen more songs than Led Zeppelin, their big political statements are all BS and, well, they suck. In defense of Green Day, everyone who has accused them of selling out is an idiot. This band never started (or stopped) sucking for monetary gain because they have always sucked. Too old for their schtick? Check. Hypocrites? Check. Amateur hour with the booze? Check. Song thieves? Check.

Green Day Sucks

The Police hate being called white reggae, which is weird because this is what happens when a self-admitted "fake punk band" tries to rip off reggae. Your super-spiritual aunt thinks Sting is enlightened and she's wrong because Sting is audio blackface. Some guy who hasn't bought a new album in 15 years thinks Stewart Copeland is a phenomenal drummer and he's wrong because Copeland is one of the most overrated musicians in history. Nobody thinks anything about Andy Summers. The Police suck.

The Police Suck

Just when you thought the '90s Boy Band Fandom Wars were over, the podcast pulls you back in! Take a trip with us to the past. Every college freshman either has frosted tips or a nipple ring - and those are just the guys. The sound blasting out of every dorm room is another slight variation on legitimately the worst-sounding music you've ever heard in your life but, for some reason, you're expected to select and defend one iteration of this evil banality. Who do you choose to stan? Certainly not NSYNC. Even by commercial pop music standards, NSYNC is indefensible. Press play on the episode to hear Mark and Tyler sing parody versions of a bunch of NSYNC songs, stay for the astute breakdown and analysis of some of the most baffling con artistry in the history of the music industry.

NSYNC Sucks

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