83. Peacemaking, Reframed: The Art of Productive Discourse // Steven Collis

Most of us think peacemaking means keeping the peace — avoiding conflict, not ruffling feathers, smoothing things over. But what if that's actually not peacemaking?

In this episode, I sit down with Steven Collis — law professor, First Amendment scholar, and author of Habits of a Peacemaker — to dig into what productive dialogue actually looks like in real life. Not in a boardroom or a courtroom, but in your home, your family, your neighborhood.

We talk about why intellectual humility is the foundation of everything, how to reframe a conversation from a fight into a treasure hunt, why you probably don't need a strong opinion on most things, and what it actually means to listen — not just wait for your turn to talk.

This one is packed. I think you're going to love it.

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TIMESTAMPS

[00:00] — Why keeping the peace isn't the same as making peace

[01:30] — Introducing Steven Collis and how he got interested in peacemaking

[03:37] — What is peacemaking, really? Steven reframes it as "productive discourse"

[06:32] — Intellectual humility: the most important habit of a peacemaker

[07:40] — How to hold humility and conviction at the same time

[11:27] — Do you actually need an opinion on everything? (Probably not.)

[12:41] — Reframing conversations as a treasure hunt for understanding

[14:44] — Live example: how to defuse a heated argument as a third party

[19:02] — Real learning vs. being fed: how peacemakers gather information

[22:06] — How to navigate media bias and find overlap across opposing sources

[25:35] — Why you should hunt for the best argument against your own position

[30:48] — Comment sections, bots, and why online arguing is mostly a waste of your life

[34:11] — What to do when someone comes at you hard — and how to reframe it

[35:04] — What happens when someone genuinely won't engage? Is there a point of no return?

[38:50] — The lost art of pausing before you respond

[42:35] — Active listening: why most of us are terrible at it and how to get better

[50:41] — Going into a conversation with an open mind — what that actually looks like

[52:20] — Is peacemaking being weaponized? When "don't stir things up" becomes avoidance

[55:31] — The difference between being a peacemaker and being a pushover

[1:04:45] — How to have productive dialogue with someone who has more power than you

[1:09:48] — Finding where the real disagreement actually lives

[1:13:00] — If you remember one thing: don't give up on becoming a peacemaker

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