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Kevin Miller | YAP Media

The big question - what is the meaning of life? The great quest - to find meaning in life. I devoted my life to filling all the roles, pursuing all the achievements, and engaging with all the relationships I thought would provide the greatest meaning to my life. Only to come to the reckoning that the world doesn't give meaning to my life. I do. Join me as I discuss how we make meaning from our lives and how we can satisfy ourselves in every moment, regardless of the circumstances.

kevinmiller.co

*Over 75 million downloads, 350 expert guests, 1,700 episodes...and the journey continues on the podcast evolution from 'The Ziglar Show' to 'The Self-Helpful Podcast' to 'What Drives You' to 'The Kevin Miller Podcast'...

What Drives You with Kevin Miller

I’m bringing back a conversation that forever changed some foundational beliefs I had on motivation. Dr Benjamin Hardy is a now famous Organizational Psychologist. He’s also now the author of multiple best selling books. I first had him on this podcast for his book, Willpower Doesn’t Work. Then again for his book, Personality Isn’t Permanent. I think he’s been on here four or five times now. But it was during one show that he just touched on a story that I ended up using for the opening story in my book, What Drives You. Ben grew up in what I would call a fairly strict religious construct, where the religion was looked at as the purpose of life. Then he watched his parents divorce, which was antithetical to the religion, and while his mom devoted herself to a sketchy health related business, his dad became a meth addict. Ben couch surfed as a teen, barely made it through high school, and at age 19 found himself playing video games, literally all day, sometimes having to fend off other meth addicts who came to his dad’s apartment. And I hear about this while Ben is on my show with his next bestselling book in the “self-help” category. Meanwhile I had nine kids who I was trying to raise “perfectly” so they’d grow up to…maybe be a renowned psychologist and author making big money with a beautiful family. Like Ben. So following, is the in depth story I was incredibly curious to understand. Find Ben anywhere, just type in Ben Hardy.

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Finding Motivation To Embrace Life When Your Only Exposure Is Motivation Not To w/ Organizational Psychologist Benjamin Hardy

More and more in psychology we are hearing about the “end-of-history illusion,” which is a psychological bias where we feel we’ve changed a lot from our past, but we think who we are now is…who we are. We don’t conceive of the almost fact that in five years from now we will look back and be amazed at how much we’ve changed from who we are right now. I want to embrace that and hold more lightly to who I think I am today, and be more open to significant opportunities for change in myself. Right now. My guest in this show has made big change. Eric Zimmer is an author, teacher, speaker, and the creator of The One You Feed podcast—an award-winning show with over 50 million downloads across 800+ conversations exploring meaningful living. At 24, Eric was homeless, addicted to heroin, and facing prison. That was “who he is.” His journey from those depths sparked his lifelong inquiry into human transformation and resilience. He’s seen himself make massive transformation to the core of “who he is,” and now through his podcast he’s talked with hundreds of others who have transformed to significant degrees. Eric has a brand new book out, HOW A LITTLE BECOMES A LOT: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life. We talk through some of the concepts here and I think you will gain more confidence and inspiration to your own ability to evolve and not only become more of who you want to be, but find more peace for yourself at all times. Connect with Eric online at theoneyoufeed.net, on Instagram @one_you_feed, and of course just type The One You Feed into your podcast player now to find his hit podcast.

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Changing Behavior & Changing Identity w/ Podcast Rockstar Eric Zimmer

Should you have lots of friends or not? Should you have just some really close ones? I think before this question should be an audit of how you view friends to begin with. What is the purpose of a friend? Is a friend a luxury or a necessity? What are the pros and cons? A few years ago a book came across my desk, titled The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs. Just the focus on friends caught my attention, and as I started reviewing the book, I felt it was entirely relevant for men and ultimately, anyone. The author, and my guest in this episode, is Laura Tremaine. I thoroughly appreciated her perspectives on friendships. Some highlights for me was her looking at having multiple friends, for multiple purposes. She actually has 11 chapters for 11 types of friendships. I found that I’d fulfilled some, had some missing that I wanted, and there were some slots I didn’t care to fill. Something else I interested myself with is Laura saying her husband is not her best friend. She had her best friend long before him and he didn’t replace her. But she counts her husband as her most important friend. I’ve never forgotten this conversation and continue to help myself with how I reoriented my perspective on friendships every since. You can find Laura on your podcast platform, she has a very popular podcast called, 10 Things To Tell You where she speaks primarily to women about friendship, anxiety, motherhood, and marriage. 

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Getting Real With How Friends Can Benefit Your Life (Or Not) w/ Writer & Podcaster Laura Tremaine

My best friend Randy, a medical doctor, frustrates himself with all the pathologies that we refer to as having, or not. Such as diabetes, depression, or auto immune issues. He says we are all on the spectrum to a degree, the issue is whether you tip over into a clinical level where you need acute treatment. In this show I'm looking at ADHD the same way. I have a daughter finishing grad school in psychology who believes I'm fairly high on the ADHD scale, but I've found constructive ways to manage and function. When a new book came across my desk I decided to take the opportunity to understand ADHD better and moreso, hear ideas on how to function and manage better regardless of where you may fall on the ADHD scale. My guest is Jenna Free. Jenna is a counselor for ADHD with ADHD. She specializes in working with the ADHD brain to get it out of fight-or-flight and into working its best, while honoring neurodivergence and all of our uniqueness. She has a focus on making ADHDers lives more enjoyable while also being more productive. She works with clients through her program ADHD Regulation Groups and teaches other mental health professionals the ADHD Regulation Method in her Certification program. The new book is, THE SIMPLE GUIDE TO ADHD REGULATION: The Secret to Finding Balance, Getting Things Done, and Enjoying Your Life. She has a large following on IG @adhdwithjennafree

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Regulating Our Sometimes Difficult Minds To Get The Best From Ourselves w/ ADHD Expert Jenna Free

Stoicism has gotten much attention in recent years, making a comeback from the old school Stoicism, commonly criticized for promoting emotional suppression, fostering passivity in the face of injustice, and being psychologically unrealistic. Modern day focus has upheld the stoic traits that focus on cultivating inner peace and resilience through virtue, rationality, and acceptance of what cannot be controlled. Psychology models more and more these days are calling to the need for personal agency, and stoicism is a leading model for taking responsibility for our perceptions, values, and held beliefs in life. I appreciate seeing new personalities and perspectives come to the forefront of worthy initiatives, and in stoicism, Tanner Campbell has brought a fresh take to the concept. Tanner is an American philosopher of Stoicism whose goal is to clear up contemporary miscommunications about Stoicism, with a focus to uphold what virtue really is against the traditional interpretation of Stoicism, challenging the, as he says, “watered down Silicon Valley take on Stoicism.” A few years ago Tanner launched a podcast called, Practical Stoicism, that went relatively viral and quickly eclipsed 500,000 downloads per month. Which is to say the show did in months many of us podcasters took years to attain. Find Practical Stoicism wherever you listen to podcasts and Tanner also has a book out now, titled, What Is Stoicism?: A Brief and Accessible Overview.

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Managing vs Suppressing Our Self w/ Stoicism Advocate Tanner Campbell

When a book came across my desk about the benefits of heat, my first thought was, “Really?” We’ve been in the age of cold plunges for quite a while, but now it’s heat? I also wondered, does it take an entire book to explain this? Then I saw the author was Bill Gifford. Bill is a veteran magazine writer and editor who writes about extraordinary athletes and cutting-edge health science. He is coauthor of the #1 New York Times bestseller, Outlive, which has sold more than two million copies, as well as the New York Times bestseller Spring Chicken: Stay Young Forever (Or Die Trying). He is a longtime contributing editor at Outside, and his work has appeared in Wired, Bloomberg Businessweek, Men’s Health, Bicycling, The Washington Post, and others, as well as in Best American Sportswriting. This latest book is called HOTWIRED: How the Hidden Power of Heat Makes Us Stronger, and in it he does like all the great journalist and shares his personal journey in experiencing heat therapy. What I initially intrigued myself with was Bill’s look into history where we routinely experienced long periods of high heat and air conditioning wasn’t normal until the 1950s and 1960s. We always had fire and the ability to heat up an environment, but when it was hot, for the span of our existence, we adapted to it. We discuss the issues around our seeming inability to deal with any discomfort, and how fragile we seem to be becoming in our culture. So while we can exist in temperature controlled environments almost entirely, and it may be comfortable, is this existence best for our overall health and well-being? 

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The Benefits of High Heat & Discomfort w/ Health Science Journalist Bill Gifford

I grew up believing we are only who we make ourselves to be. Nature vs Nurture and I was all about nurture. Then, I had seven biological children. Four boys and three girls. And they came out of the womb with specific propensities. Two of my sons are only 15 months apart, so their upbringing was nearly identical. And they could not be more different. As a culture we have gotten pretty enamored with personality profiles and ancestral data to help us “know who we are.” A well known profile is the Enneagram. My guest in this episode is Ian Morgan Cron. Ian is a Wall Street Journal bestselling author, psychotherapist, and Enneagram teacher. He has a very popular podcast called Typology where he discusses aspects of the Enneagram. In this episode we talk about our personality and our propensities and reference one of Ian’s book, The Story of You: An Enneagram Journey to Becoming Your True Self. My interest was in honoring aspects of our natural selves while not being controlled by them. I’ll admit as time goes on I’m less clear on what about myself is natural and what is learned, and I actually don’t put too much stock in either, instead looking at what is giving me peace or not, and what is proving constructive to my life and others. You can connect with Ian at his website, typologyinstitute.com, and find him at his podcast, Typology.

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Being Aware of But Not Controlled By Our Propensities w/ Enneagram Teacher Ian Morgan Cron

I think we’ve gotten to the point of defining hope as the expectation of something good happening in the future. But I’ve not found many, if any, people who I’d refer to as hopeful, who didn’t exude hope in the right here and now. A primary definition of hope is simply, a feeling of trust. My guest in this episode says, “Hope is the single best predictor of well-being compared to any other measure of trauma recovery.” So if hope includes having trust, then it’s relevant for us all to consider how trusting we feel in our lives. Not just in other people, but in life in general. My guest is Dr. Julia Garcia. Julia is a psychologist and author dedicated to empowering people through the science of mental health. Julia works with people facing life’s toughest moments—helping them overcome fear, doubt, and hopelessness to build lasting habits of healing and hope. She says her mission is to prove that hope isn’t just something you feel—it’s something you practice, one habit at a time. I find hope, trust, in short supply in our culture. And yet I find my own hope in the miracle of living, a constant fuel for my own peace and joy. Julia has written a book on her work, The 5 Habits of Hope: Stories and Strategies to Help You Find Your Way. We start off talking about the cultural concepts around hope, and then walk and talk through her five habits of hope.

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Redefining Hope & Why It Is The Greatest Predictor of Your Well-Being w/ Psychologist Julia Garcia

I have never wanted to give much credit to genetics or my upbringing. I wanted to feel, and really did, like I’m my own person. Until sometime in my 40s when I realized I kept repeating some patterns that weren’t helping me. Today I amaze myself at the impact our upbringing and family has on us. All of us. For better and worse, but as people so want to be their “authentic selves,” I wonder how fully authentic we can ever be. So…I have an expert. My guest and guide on this subject is Vienna Pharaon. She has a book called The Origins of You: How Breaking Family Patterns Can Liberate the Way We Live and Love. Vienna has been posting her insights, driven from thousands of patient encounters, on Instagram and has over 700k followers tuning in to find their authentic selves. Vienna Pharaon is a licensed marriage and family therapist and one of New York City’s most sought after relationship therapists. She has practiced therapy for almost 20 years and is the founder and owner of the group practice, Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy. Pharaon has been featured in The Economist, Netflix, Vice, and Motherly, and has led workshops for Peloton and Netflix, amongst others. Vienna has become a therapist that many other therapists look to for guidance. 

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Discovering A More Authentic Self When We Can’t Discount The Influence of Our Upbringing w/ Renowned Marriage & Family Therapist Vienna Pharaon

Cultural testimony is that while we are in more contact with people than ever, but we are also feeling more isolated, disconnected, and lonely than ever. That’s not a broad brush opinion but I continue to get the research and surveys to back this up. We seem to be a culture so hungry to be heard and understood and loved, and from this, we have become a culture working hard to tell. We tell our opinion and viewpoint and thoughts and feelings. And we ask fewer and fewer questions, and have fewer and fewer questions asked of us. But this isn’t a focus on simply asking more questions, but asking meaningful questions that foster true connection. My guest calls them “well constructed” questions. Topaz Adizes is an Emmy Award-winning writer, director, and experience design architect. He is an Edmund Hillary fellow and Sundance/Skoll stories of change fellow. His works have been selected to Cannes, Sundance, IDFA, and SXSW; featured in New Yorker magazine, Vanity Fair, and the New York Times; and have garnered an Emmy for new approaches to documentary. He is currently the founder and executive director of the experience design studio The Skin Deep. If you go to YouTube and search for The Skin Deep you will find his channel with almost a million subscribers. On this channel you will find couples. They may be married, parent and child, best friends, or any pairing of two people desiring a close relationship, and they take turns answering questions that Topaz and his team have prepared. Questions that open each other up and connect. I fascinate myself. Topaz also has a new book that digs into the concepts, called 12 Questions for Love: A Guide to Intimate Conversations & Deeper Relationships. You can also find a lot of offerings for these well constructed questions at skindeep.com

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How To Deepen Relationships With Well Constructed Questions w/ Experience Design Architect Topaz Adizes

That show title is a volatile question that will ultimately shape your life trajectory. All of us have made good and bad decisions that have resulted in making our circumstances better or worse. Hopefully we take responsibility for these decisions we know we made. Then there are the circumstances in our lives we did not choose and can not control. They happened to us; a hard childhood, abuse, car wrecks, toxic people, job loss, handicap, and much more. They were not our fault and we are not to blame. But how do we let those issues affect the rest of our lives? That...is a decision we all get to make. So for this episode I posted this question to the Ziglar audience, “Do you honestly believe that your current circumstances are a result of your personal choices?” What followed was 54 of possibly the most lengthy comments we’ve ever had, and some healthy debate. You may receive more freedom and empowerment from this show and topic than anything else we’ve ever covered.
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724: Are your current circumstances a result of your personal choices?

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