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Kevin Miller | YAP Media

The big question - what is the meaning of life? The great quest - to find meaning in life. I devoted my life to filling all the roles, pursuing all the achievements, and engaging with all the relationships I thought would provide the greatest meaning to my life. Only to come to the reckoning that the world doesn't give meaning to my life. I do. Join me as I discuss how we make meaning from our lives and how we can satisfy ourselves in every moment, regardless of the circumstances.

kevinmiller.co

*Over 75 million downloads, 350 expert guests, 1,700 episodes...and the journey continues on the podcast evolution from 'The Ziglar Show' to 'The Self-Helpful Podcast' to 'What Drives You' to 'The Kevin Miller Podcast'...

What Drives You with Kevin Miller

Should you have lots of friends or not? Should you have just some really close ones? I think before this question should be an audit of how you view friends to begin with. What is the purpose of a friend? Is a friend a luxury or a necessity? What are the pros and cons? A few years ago a book came across my desk, titled The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs. Just the focus on friends caught my attention, and as I started reviewing the book, I felt it was entirely relevant for men and ultimately, anyone. The author, and my guest in this episode, is Laura Tremaine. I thoroughly appreciated her perspectives on friendships. Some highlights for me was her looking at having multiple friends, for multiple purposes. She actually has 11 chapters for 11 types of friendships. I found that I’d fulfilled some, had some missing that I wanted, and there were some slots I didn’t care to fill. Something else I interested myself with is Laura saying her husband is not her best friend. She had her best friend long before him and he didn’t replace her. But she counts her husband as her most important friend. I’ve never forgotten this conversation and continue to help myself with how I reoriented my perspective on friendships every since. You can find Laura on your podcast platform, she has a very popular podcast called, 10 Things To Tell You where she speaks primarily to women about friendship, anxiety, motherhood, and marriage. 

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Getting Real With How Friends Can Benefit Your Life (Or Not) w/ Writer & Podcaster Laura Tremaine

My best friend Randy, a medical doctor, frustrates himself with all the pathologies that we refer to as having, or not. Such as diabetes, depression, or auto immune issues. He says we are all on the spectrum to a degree, the issue is whether you tip over into a clinical level where you need acute treatment. In this show I'm looking at ADHD the same way. I have a daughter finishing grad school in psychology who believes I'm fairly high on the ADHD scale, but I've found constructive ways to manage and function. When a new book came across my desk I decided to take the opportunity to understand ADHD better and moreso, hear ideas on how to function and manage better regardless of where you may fall on the ADHD scale. My guest is Jenna Free. Jenna is a counselor for ADHD with ADHD. She specializes in working with the ADHD brain to get it out of fight-or-flight and into working its best, while honoring neurodivergence and all of our uniqueness. She has a focus on making ADHDers lives more enjoyable while also being more productive. She works with clients through her program ADHD Regulation Groups and teaches other mental health professionals the ADHD Regulation Method in her Certification program. The new book is, THE SIMPLE GUIDE TO ADHD REGULATION: The Secret to Finding Balance, Getting Things Done, and Enjoying Your Life. She has a large following on IG @adhdwithjennafree

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Regulating Our Sometimes Difficult Minds To Get The Best From Ourselves w/ ADHD Expert Jenna Free

Stoicism has gotten much attention in recent years, making a comeback from the old school Stoicism, commonly criticized for promoting emotional suppression, fostering passivity in the face of injustice, and being psychologically unrealistic. Modern day focus has upheld the stoic traits that focus on cultivating inner peace and resilience through virtue, rationality, and acceptance of what cannot be controlled. Psychology models more and more these days are calling to the need for personal agency, and stoicism is a leading model for taking responsibility for our perceptions, values, and held beliefs in life. I appreciate seeing new personalities and perspectives come to the forefront of worthy initiatives, and in stoicism, Tanner Campbell has brought a fresh take to the concept. Tanner is an American philosopher of Stoicism whose goal is to clear up contemporary miscommunications about Stoicism, with a focus to uphold what virtue really is against the traditional interpretation of Stoicism, challenging the, as he says, “watered down Silicon Valley take on Stoicism.” A few years ago Tanner launched a podcast called, Practical Stoicism, that went relatively viral and quickly eclipsed 500,000 downloads per month. Which is to say the show did in months many of us podcasters took years to attain. Find Practical Stoicism wherever you listen to podcasts and Tanner also has a book out now, titled, What Is Stoicism?: A Brief and Accessible Overview.

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Managing vs Suppressing Our Self w/ Stoicism Advocate Tanner Campbell

When a book came across my desk about the benefits of heat, my first thought was, “Really?” We’ve been in the age of cold plunges for quite a while, but now it’s heat? I also wondered, does it take an entire book to explain this? Then I saw the author was Bill Gifford. Bill is a veteran magazine writer and editor who writes about extraordinary athletes and cutting-edge health science. He is coauthor of the #1 New York Times bestseller, Outlive, which has sold more than two million copies, as well as the New York Times bestseller Spring Chicken: Stay Young Forever (Or Die Trying). He is a longtime contributing editor at Outside, and his work has appeared in Wired, Bloomberg Businessweek, Men’s Health, Bicycling, The Washington Post, and others, as well as in Best American Sportswriting. This latest book is called HOTWIRED: How the Hidden Power of Heat Makes Us Stronger, and in it he does like all the great journalist and shares his personal journey in experiencing heat therapy. What I initially intrigued myself with was Bill’s look into history where we routinely experienced long periods of high heat and air conditioning wasn’t normal until the 1950s and 1960s. We always had fire and the ability to heat up an environment, but when it was hot, for the span of our existence, we adapted to it. We discuss the issues around our seeming inability to deal with any discomfort, and how fragile we seem to be becoming in our culture. So while we can exist in temperature controlled environments almost entirely, and it may be comfortable, is this existence best for our overall health and well-being? 

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The Benefits of High Heat & Discomfort w/ Health Science Journalist Bill Gifford

I grew up believing we are only who we make ourselves to be. Nature vs Nurture and I was all about nurture. Then, I had seven biological children. Four boys and three girls. And they came out of the womb with specific propensities. Two of my sons are only 15 months apart, so their upbringing was nearly identical. And they could not be more different. As a culture we have gotten pretty enamored with personality profiles and ancestral data to help us “know who we are.” A well known profile is the Enneagram. My guest in this episode is Ian Morgan Cron. Ian is a Wall Street Journal bestselling author, psychotherapist, and Enneagram teacher. He has a very popular podcast called Typology where he discusses aspects of the Enneagram. In this episode we talk about our personality and our propensities and reference one of Ian’s book, The Story of You: An Enneagram Journey to Becoming Your True Self. My interest was in honoring aspects of our natural selves while not being controlled by them. I’ll admit as time goes on I’m less clear on what about myself is natural and what is learned, and I actually don’t put too much stock in either, instead looking at what is giving me peace or not, and what is proving constructive to my life and others. You can connect with Ian at his website, typologyinstitute.com, and find him at his podcast, Typology.

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Being Aware of But Not Controlled By Our Propensities w/ Enneagram Teacher Ian Morgan Cron

I think we’ve gotten to the point of defining hope as the expectation of something good happening in the future. But I’ve not found many, if any, people who I’d refer to as hopeful, who didn’t exude hope in the right here and now. A primary definition of hope is simply, a feeling of trust. My guest in this episode says, “Hope is the single best predictor of well-being compared to any other measure of trauma recovery.” So if hope includes having trust, then it’s relevant for us all to consider how trusting we feel in our lives. Not just in other people, but in life in general. My guest is Dr. Julia Garcia. Julia is a psychologist and author dedicated to empowering people through the science of mental health. Julia works with people facing life’s toughest moments—helping them overcome fear, doubt, and hopelessness to build lasting habits of healing and hope. She says her mission is to prove that hope isn’t just something you feel—it’s something you practice, one habit at a time. I find hope, trust, in short supply in our culture. And yet I find my own hope in the miracle of living, a constant fuel for my own peace and joy. Julia has written a book on her work, The 5 Habits of Hope: Stories and Strategies to Help You Find Your Way. We start off talking about the cultural concepts around hope, and then walk and talk through her five habits of hope.

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Redefining Hope & Why It Is The Greatest Predictor of Your Well-Being w/ Psychologist Julia Garcia

I have never wanted to give much credit to genetics or my upbringing. I wanted to feel, and really did, like I’m my own person. Until sometime in my 40s when I realized I kept repeating some patterns that weren’t helping me. Today I amaze myself at the impact our upbringing and family has on us. All of us. For better and worse, but as people so want to be their “authentic selves,” I wonder how fully authentic we can ever be. So…I have an expert. My guest and guide on this subject is Vienna Pharaon. She has a book called The Origins of You: How Breaking Family Patterns Can Liberate the Way We Live and Love. Vienna has been posting her insights, driven from thousands of patient encounters, on Instagram and has over 700k followers tuning in to find their authentic selves. Vienna Pharaon is a licensed marriage and family therapist and one of New York City’s most sought after relationship therapists. She has practiced therapy for almost 20 years and is the founder and owner of the group practice, Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy. Pharaon has been featured in The Economist, Netflix, Vice, and Motherly, and has led workshops for Peloton and Netflix, amongst others. Vienna has become a therapist that many other therapists look to for guidance. 

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Discovering A More Authentic Self When We Can’t Discount The Influence of Our Upbringing w/ Renowned Marriage & Family Therapist Vienna Pharaon

Cultural testimony is that while we are in more contact with people than ever, but we are also feeling more isolated, disconnected, and lonely than ever. That’s not a broad brush opinion but I continue to get the research and surveys to back this up. We seem to be a culture so hungry to be heard and understood and loved, and from this, we have become a culture working hard to tell. We tell our opinion and viewpoint and thoughts and feelings. And we ask fewer and fewer questions, and have fewer and fewer questions asked of us. But this isn’t a focus on simply asking more questions, but asking meaningful questions that foster true connection. My guest calls them “well constructed” questions. Topaz Adizes is an Emmy Award-winning writer, director, and experience design architect. He is an Edmund Hillary fellow and Sundance/Skoll stories of change fellow. His works have been selected to Cannes, Sundance, IDFA, and SXSW; featured in New Yorker magazine, Vanity Fair, and the New York Times; and have garnered an Emmy for new approaches to documentary. He is currently the founder and executive director of the experience design studio The Skin Deep. If you go to YouTube and search for The Skin Deep you will find his channel with almost a million subscribers. On this channel you will find couples. They may be married, parent and child, best friends, or any pairing of two people desiring a close relationship, and they take turns answering questions that Topaz and his team have prepared. Questions that open each other up and connect. I fascinate myself. Topaz also has a new book that digs into the concepts, called 12 Questions for Love: A Guide to Intimate Conversations & Deeper Relationships. You can also find a lot of offerings for these well constructed questions at skindeep.com

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How To Deepen Relationships With Well Constructed Questions w/ Experience Design Architect Topaz Adizes

I recorded this episode three years ago. Before I’d experienced the greatest traumas of my life. I make different meaning from the message now. The idea of recovering from a trauma or tragedy is different. To recover seems like getting back to “normal.” Back to where you were. But with my experience now, this is impossible. It’s like having adult kids and wanting to get back to when they were little. Impossible. You must recover to a new existence. My guest is Dr Neeta Bhushan. When Neeta was 16 her mom died. When she was 17 her brother died. Then when she was 19 her Dad died and she became caregiver for her younger brother. She “recovered” and started a successful cosmetic dentist business. She married and then divorced from an abusive marriage. She finally found some real recovery and later founded the Global GRIT Institute and cofounded the Dharma Coaching Institute. She has a very large following and a popular podcast, The Brave Table, where people tune in to hear her guidance on dealing with the hardships of life. I met Neeta after she published her book, That Sucked. Now What?: How to Embrace the Joy in Chaos and Find Magic in the Mess. We cover deep territory in regards to what resilience and recovery really is and how it differs for each of us, depending on...a lot. 

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How To Recover When Things Can’t Ever Be The Same w/ Mental Health Celebrity Neeta Bhushan

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is…to actually feel the rapture of being alive.” This is a quote by Joseph Campbell that kicks off the book by my guest in this episode. A key aspect of my personal and professional devotion is how we make meaning of life. You will be hearing much more from me about this in the coming weeks and months. In this episode I have with me Director of the Life Design Lab at Stanford, Bill Burnett. Bill is a guru of design. He worked at Apple designing laptops and spent years in the toy industry designing Star Wars action toys. But he’s been at Stanford, he says, “since dinosaurs roamed the campus.” Dave Evans is also a master designer and lecturer at Stanford and together they lead students in designing their lives. They recently co-wrote a book, How To Live A Meaningful Life: Using Design Thinking to Unlock Purpose, Joy, and Flow Every Day. Bill joined me to discuss how we view meaning in life. Bill says, “Meaning is how we experience our felt response to an encounter that matters to us.” Bill and Dave literally go through steps to designing a meaningful life in their book, drawing from the same guidance they give students at Stanford, but I spend most of my time with Bill talking conceptually about how we perceive and pursue meaning. One thing Bill said that stuck with me and I’ve been discussing a lot, is that in his 40+ years at Stanford they are experiencing the loneliest student population ever, which correlates to what we are seeing in the general populace. So I interest myself with the correlation between both our feelings of increased loneliness and lack of felt meaning in life. Find Bill and Dave’s work at designingyour.life

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How To Design A Meaningful Life w/ Stanford Prof Bill Burnett

Could a brief testimony radically change your perspective of yourself?? We hear a message from Zig Ziglar on how our paradigm might shift if we got a...special call...to begin our day. A call from someone we respected that testified to our value and worth. From the message I posted this question, "If 1) God undeniably appeared to you and simply informed you...you were currently functioning at about 1/4 the capacity and ability He had placed within you, then 2) you took an IQ test and it scored you beyond genius level, and then 3) three different people you highly respected asked you to join a high level mastermind with them (at no cost, they just wanted you to be involved with them...would you feel any different about yourself? How?" So many different responses we got, not all what you would expect. Tom Ziglar joined me to talk through the comments. 
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640: Jet fuel for your self-image

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