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Kevin Miller | YAP Media

Join Purpose Coach Kevin Miller as he conducts deep discussions on personal evolution from his own, curious journey toward greater purpose and deeper fulfillment. Kevin researches and curates the best teachers and guides you may never find, as they are busy teaching in classes, counseling in therapy rooms, researching in labs, and coaching in offices. 

Go from knowledge to integration at kevinmiller.co

*Over 70 million downloads, 300 expert guests, 1,500 episodes...and the journey continues on the podcast evolution from 'The Ziglar Show' to 'The Self-Helpful Podcast' to 'What Drives You' to 'The Kevin Miller Podcast'...

What Drives You with Kevin Miller

I want to start off by asking a question I continually interest myself with. Do we really want to be happy? If I survey the culture, it looks like we very much want happy moments. The little jolts of dopamine from entertainment, food, drugs and such. But do we really want deep and abiding happiness in our souls? Because if we do, then our primary interest would be in relationships. But not just any relationships. I’m revisiting a conversation I had with Robert Waldinger. Robert is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development at Massachusetts General Hospital which has been going on for 87 years. His devotion is on what most equates to human happiness, and the answer is, relationships. But let me point out that Robert himself is a Zen master and teaches meditation around the world. Which is a focus on what I feel is our first and most important relationship. The relationship with ourselves. I have continued to grow in appreciation, not just for the message, but for Robert himself. If you have my book, What Drives You, you’ll see his endorsement. Roberts book, which is how I came to know of him, is, The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study on Happiness. And you type in, “Robert Waldinger TED” you will find his TED talk, titled, What Makes A Good Life, that between postings on both YouTube and TED has over 80 million views.

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87 Year Study On What Provides Happiness = Relationships w/ Harvard Grant Study Director & Zen Master Robert Waldinger

If you search as to why brain surgery is on the rise you will read it’s due to advancements in technology. Less invasive techniques, AI-guided imaging, and robotics—which have made procedures safer, more precise, and more accessible. But to me it begs the question of why we are in need of so much brain surgery? My feeling is I would rather not have my head cut into. At all. In this episode I’m joined by a friend. Dr. Lee Warren is a brain surgeon at the top of field. And he is here to tell us that the most effective brain surgery we can do is through our thoughts. But he is not giving some motivational speech. He is being completely literal. He takes tools and instruments to dig into the human skull and literally restructure the brain, and he says you can do more and better restructuring with your thoughts. He leads us in understanding that our thoughts are creating our brain structure. When we have the same thoughts over and over we strengthen and create pathways, and to a degree, at this level he can’t help you with any medical procedure. No surgery or resetting can overcome a concrete belief or fear you keep reinforcing. Lee’s new book is called, The Life-Changing Art of Self-Brain Surgery: Connecting Neuroscience and Faith to Radically Transform Your Life. I’d encourage you to pull the book up on Amazon and click “read sample” and just peruse the contents and see his “10 Commandments of Self-Brain Surgery.” This alone will either inspire you or show you that you don’t want to take the level of personal responsibility Lee is calling us to. Search for Dr Lee Warren and you will find him everywhere.

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Restructuring Your Brain Better Without Surgery w/ Brain Surgeon Dr Lee Warren

Ultimately, the research shows what we all most want is love. To be desired past the point of like, and actually loved. And to receive the resulting affection, devotion, care, and commitment. Yet the research also shows that overall, we are not super successful at achieving and maintaining healthy relationships. My guest today feels we define love incorrectly and we pursue it errantly. Humble The Poet is a Canadian-born rapper, spoken-word artist, poet, international bestselling author, and former elementary school teacher. He began reciting spoken word poetry in coffee shops to impress girls and now has four books. He has a huge social media following and uses his platform to help people learn and grow and…love. His book that caught my attention is How To Be Loved: Simple Truths For Going Easier On Yourself, Embracing Imperfection & Loving Your Way To A Better Life. I really resonated with the book, which is why I invited him onto my podcast. Humble headlines the concept of his book with, “Love doesn’t have to be earned or found, it has to be realized.” I think the discussion will challenge your paradigm on what love is and how to better realize it. Find the book and all he’s involved with by searching for Humble The Poet.

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How We Perceive & Pursue Love Poorly & How To Recover w/ Spoken-Word Artist Humble The Poet

Steve Smith is a friend of mine. He runs Potter’s Inn, which provides soul care. Much of Steve’s time is spent with people running large organizations, from mega church pastors to Fortune 500 CEOs. People who as Steve says, live much of their lives in the white water of life. And living this way takes a toll on your soul. Years ago, I actually argued with Steve. I said I was living in a way to keep myself strong so I could endure the constant white water. And I did. Until I couldn’t. Until I burnt out and caused plenty of collateral damage in my life. Recently Steve sent me a book of poetry he had written. He’s published many books, but with poetry he feels he can say more with less. The book is called, Greening: Poems In The Unfolding Of Our Lives. And the focus is on unfolding through the seasons and reasons of our lives. Steve has walked intimately with so many people. Dramatically successful people as our culture tends to define success. But Steve walks with them as their lives unravel and their identities unfold. In recent years, Steve has had some losses and gone through his own unfolding. As my own life has unfolded, I brought Steve on to discuss some of the concepts of his poetry book, and his life experience. Greening is a term he relates to our flourishing, vitality, well-being, and emotional health. As a speaker, spiritual director, and author, Steve offers soul care and spiritual care through many avenues. Find him at pottersinn.com

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The Raw Transformation From Feeling & Experiencing Life Deeply w/ Spiritual Director Steve W Smith

Sometimes a story comes along that challenges my perspectives at a core level. As a father, I took great responsibility in instilling self-worth into my children. And, I still had kids who struggled with their self-worth. I feel our culture as a whole is more insecure than ever. My guest in this episode is Peter Mutabazi, and he found his self-worth after a childhood that gave him zero access to any concept of it. Peter was born out in the boonies of Uganda in what can hardly be described as a home. He was routinely beaten by his father and treated like a stray dog. Or worse. Treated like trash. He ran away at age 10 for fear his father would finally kill him. He made it to the city of Kampala where he lived on the streets and slept in the sewers. Literally. It was so disgusting in the sewers nobody would venture there, which meant it was the only place he could find safety. He lived as a street kid where he only ate every few days, he never slept in a bed, rode in a car, or had shoes. But at age 15, someone befriended him and gave him a chance. Today he lives in America where he fosters and adopts children and runs an organization he founded called, Nowiamknownfoundation.org where his goal is to encourage and affirm marginalized and abandoned children. He wrote a book titled, Now I Am Known: How a Street Kid Turned Foster Dad Found Acceptance and True Worth. My focus was on how Peter could come from such dramatic abuse, abject poverty, and zero exposure to any nurturing or support, and not only find his self-worth, but then serve others in finding their self-worth. And be at peace with this world that he found so much pain from for the first 15 years of his existence. What could we learn and apply to ourselves? Find Peter on Instagram where he has nearly 900k followers @fosterdadflipper 

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Self Worth - If He Can Find It So Can All Of Us w/ Peter Mutabazi

This episode is a dive into the awakening of self-awareness and a connection to what really matters in your life. This has been my journey over the past few years as I've unraveled my identity from what I do and achieve and learned to embrace who I am being aside from any doing or producing or achievements. My guest is a kindred spirit in working themselves to the bone to prove their worth to themselves and everyone else. Jen Fisher a global authority on workplace wellbeing, the bestselling author of Work Better Together, and the founder and CEO of The Wellbeing Team. Jen was Deloitte US's first chief wellbeing officer who pioneered a groundbreaking, human-centered approach to work that gained international recognition and reshaped how organizations view wellbeing. From her personal experiences with burnout and cancer to her role as a trailblazer in wellbeing intelligence Jen has dedicated her career to

helping people thrive—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Jen has a new book titled, Hope Is The Strategy: The Underrated Skill That Transforms Work, Leadership, and Wellbeing. As you're about to hear, Jen shares, “My identity had slowly merged with my output and I became what I produced." She realized she had no real hope in anything so she just worked to stay busy, filling the void with production and accomplishment. She was languishing in performance with profound emotional emptiness. Finally, she says, “I began to understand that productivity is a tool, not a purpose; that work is a part of life, not its meaning; that doing is important, but being is essential." Today she focuses on doing less, but doing activities of more value, and questioning what all she is doing for external validation alone. 

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Who You Are Aside From What You Do & What You Produce w/ Wellbeing Expert Jen Fisher

We are a world that devours stories. Most people tune in every night to be taken in by the stories others are living or they have created, and the vast majority of these stories are centered about a grand cause. The action and adventure movies and dramas we love so often showcase someone encountering a cause and devoting themselves to it. A cause. Something bigger than themselves that involves protecting or supporting the welfare of something or someone else. Finding and having a cause is often the most profound aspect of a life well lived. But we don’t seem to grasp how finding a cause works. We tend to think of learning and training and preparing, so that we can commit to something truly big and worthy. A grand purpose. A cause. My guest today argues, in the most compassionate way possible, we have it backwards, and that the greatest people ever known simply committed to something they believed in, and the journey within it is what made them great. It crafted and honed them. The challenge and trials and triumphs along the way is what refined them. Then the charge is not to commit to preparation, but to commit now and let the commitment prepare you along the way. Lynne Twist is a recognized global visionary and legendary humanitarian. Lynne wowed the world with her first book, The Soul of Money, but I had her on my show for her book, Living a Committed Life: Finding Freedom and Fulfillment in a Purpose Larger Than Yourself. Lynne’s own story began when she heard about the The Hunger Project where their goal was to end world hunger, and knew she was supposed to devote her life to it. She spent a decade there and has influenced more people through more humanitarian efforts than nearly anyone. Lynne has been an advisor to the Desmond Tutu Foundation. The United Nations honored her with a “Woman of Distinction” award. From working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta to the refugee camps in Ethiopia and the threatened rainforests of the Amazon, Lynne’s on-the-ground work has brought her a deep understanding of the social tapestry of the world and the historical landscape of the times we are living in. Over the past 45 years Lynne has worked with over 100,000 people in 50 countries in the arenas of fundraising with integrity, conscious philanthropy, strategic visioning and having a healthy relationship with money. Find Lynne Twist’s book, “Living a Committed LIfe” anywhere, and connect with her at Soulofmoney.org.

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How To Have Your Own Cause Instead Of Merely Romanticizing The Causes Of Others w/ Renowned Humanitarian Lynne Twist

I feel we are in an age of trust. A desire for trust, and a lot of distrust. Right now you are listening to this podcast. Outside of podcasts that are news or entertainment, I see people tuning in to listen to hosts that they look to for…trust. You would not be listening here and now if you did not have a level of trust in me. And I see this as good and bad. As of this recording I am headed to a podcast convention where they are inducting my Dad, Dan Miller, into the Podcast Hall of Fame. He’s being inducted by Dave Ramsey and my family and I are receiving it and I’m giving the acceptance speech. I’m incredibly honored. But Dave Ramsey. He’s a celebrity who got famous for his guidance on money. Today however he has massive trust from a huge audience who looks to him for guidance on about everything. And I see a cultural who is erroring on over-trust. And I feel it brings up the question of how much we trust ourselves. So in this episode I have Dr. Shadé Zahrai with me. Shadé is a behavioral researcher, peak performance educator, and leadership strategist for major global companies, with a PhD in organizational behavior. She is known for helping organizations and individuals build confidence and overcome self-doubt through practical strategies drawn from psychology and neuroscience. Shadé has a new book that compiles her findings, Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence, And Fuel Success. She walks us through a proven framework of Acceptance, Agency, Autonomy, and Adaptability, and helps us reveal and reframe limiting beliefs, quiet imposter thoughts, and reclaim our inner strength. Whether you’re second guessing a big decision, overthinking in high-stakes moments, or feeling stuck despite knowing you’re capable of more, Shadé has developed practical steps that lead to powerful, lasting results. You can find Shadé at bigtrustbook.com and do a 12 question self-diagnostics on your level of trust and self-doubt.

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In This Age Of Distrust It Seems We Do Not Trust Ourselves - This Is Where To Start w/ Behavioral Researcher Shadé Zahrai

In the world of self-help and psychology there are people who have made certain topics a household term. Gary Chapman made love languages famous. Henry Cloud is the grandfather of boundaries. Eckhart Tolle helped us conceive of the ego. And Melody Beattie is why we know about codependency, due to her classic tome, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. I was so honored to have an audience with Melody to discuss the book for a revised edition, just a few years ago. Since we talked, Melody has actually ended her time here on earth. But, her message lives on. Melody is literally cited as one of the pioneers of the self-help movement. This breakthrough book of hers still remains the resource on codependency. Newsweek named Codependent No More one of the four essential self-help books of all time. Melody actually added a chapter on trauma to this revised edition and it went right to the top of the best seller charts, once again. As a human, can we even be completely non-codependent? I’m not sure, but by becoming aware of the signs and habits, we can surely mediate and mitigate codependency in our lives to a great degree. As humans we innately look for the A’s from other people; approval, affirmation, attention, and acceptance. How codependent we are relates to how much we need those A’s to feel ok about ourselves. It’s nice to get them, but are we ok without them? Can we be at peace without desperately needing positive feedback and reinforcement from other people? The answer is yes and this show will discuss how. When I asked Melody about her own life and any regrets, she flatly stated, “I regret that I've spent much of my life ragging on myself for not being enough.” This is a thoughtful, pondering discussion with Melody where her compassion for herself and others will pour through. 

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Reveal & Mitigate Your Codendency w/ The Legendary Melody Beattie

I experience our culture growing more and more fearful of unexpected and undesired change. If you were to look back on your life and make a list of all the unexpected and undesired changes you have experienced in your life, I bet it’s fairly long. I would ask you to consider why you think many more unexpected and undesired changes aren’t ahead of you. But what I see is that when you have anxiety about the possible, and I’d say probable changes ahead of you, you are taking away from your ability to have joy and fulfillment today. I find myself looking at two perspectives. One, none of the unexpected and undesired changes in my past have killed me. They haven’t ruined me. And two, I amaze myself to think of how many of those unexpected and undesired changes actually turned out to be great, great gifts to my life. To unpack the psychology around change, in this episode I have Maya Shankar back on the podcast. I first had Maya on for the launch of her podcast, A Slight Change of Plans, which Apple awarded as the Best Show of the Year 2021. After four years of the podcast, Maya has now culminated her findings and experience in a book, The Other Side Of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans. Maya says, "I’ve written this for anyone who is currently in the choppy waters of a change, is trying to make sense of a past change, or is anxious about a future change." Maya is a cognitive scientist and was a Senior Advisor in the Obama White House, where she founded and served as Chair of the White House Behavioral Science Team. She also served as the first Behavioral Science Advisor to the United Nations. Maya has a postdoctoral fellowship in cognitive neuroscience from Stanford, a Ph.D. in cognitive psychology from Oxford on a Rhodes Scholarship, and a B.A. from Yale. She's been profiled by The New Yorker and been the featured guest on NPR's All Things Considered, Freakonomics, and Hidden Brain. All that to say, she knows the psychology behind change and is here to help us, help ourselves.

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How To Better Navigate Unexpected & Undesired Change w/ Cognitive Scientist Maya Shankar

We ask a big question..."What do you want people to think of when they hear your name?" The question came from show 607 with Lisa Grimes, in the section where we discussed creating your personal brand. I was so enamored with the question, I decided to use it for this weekly facebook question, and asked Lisa to come back and talk through the comments with me. But I took the question further and split it into a two part question, because I think we all may have two truthful answers. 1) how does your base ego want people to think of you, and 2) how does your more mature, altruistic and I'll say "righteous-self" want people to think of you? I actually did a little video on Facebook to pose the question, and gave my own answers. Over 500 people watched the video and we got a lot of interesting comments that took us down some amazing roads, including some of the unique challenges men and women face regarding...how they are perceived. It’s a powerful exercise we really challenged everyone to do. You won’t want to miss our discussion and all the comments submitted. You can join these weekly discussions and submit your own comments and feedback by finding and friending me on Facebook at agentkmiller, I’d be delighted to connect with you there and get your perspective.
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610: How do you want people to think of you?

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