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Tall or Nothing

Welcome to the Therapy Crouch! The smash hit podcast from Abbey Clancy and Peter Crouch. Join us on our weekly episodes where we will be exploring the trials and tribulations experienced by us, and you the listener, as we navigate our way through complex relationships. 

Enter into our safe space where nothing is off limits and expect some tears, tantrums and plenty of laughs along the way.

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Therapy Crouch

On this week’s episode of The Therapy Crouch, the gang are back from their travels and there is a lot to unpack. Ross kicks things off with his dreamy sunrise snorkel with horses in Barbados, while Peter gives a full theme-park debrief after their “holiday of a lifetime” to Universal Studios — including the rides that nearly had him upside-down, inside-out and mildly incontinent.

There’s chaos from Fright Night, jet-lagged 6am adventures, and a heartfelt listener story that leads them into a surprisingly deep chat about turning 40, giving fewer f*cks and finding out who you really are. Abbey dives into her latest passive-aggressive Instagram threads (no context as usual), sparking debates about midlife crises, emotional burnout and why our brains obsess over insults more than compliments.

In the Agony Abs, they help a listener whose partner double-booked their night out during peak firework season — leaving their terrified pooch in the middle. Plus, an emotional email from a mum navigating the reality of her kids moving to the other side of the world.

It’s a warm, chaotic, funny, emotional episode with plenty of wisdom… and even more unintentional nonsense.

00:00 – Intro

00:18 – Sunkissed Returns & Holiday Catch-Up

00:55 – Ross’s Dreamy Horse Snorkelling Experience

01:46 – Saddle Sizes

03:10 – Movember, Moustaches & the ‘Womb Broom’ Comment

04:51 – Orlando & Universal Studios Trip

06:03 – Terrifying Rollercoasters & Hagrid’s Motorbike Adventure

07:20 – Universal Fright Night Chaos

11:14 – Amazon’s Surprise Gift Delivery

15:46 – 'Threads' Begin: Passive-Aggressive Instagram Psychology

17:45 – Life Begins or ends at 40 & Midlife Wobbles

28:03 – Dinner Plans & Relationship Compromise

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Email: thetherapycrouch@gmail.com 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapycrouchpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapycrouch 

Website: https://thetherapycrouch.com/ 

For more from Peter

https://twitter.com/petercrouch

For more from Abbey

https://www.instagram.com/abbeyclancy

Our clips channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZntcv96YhN8IvMAKsz4Dbg

#TheTherapyCrouch #AbbeyAndPete #RelationshipAdvice #Podcast

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Does Life END At 40?! - Holiday Blues, Midlife Breakdowns & Chaotic Instagram Threads

On this week’s Ask Me Anything episode of The Therapy Crouch, the gang are taking in the last of the Portuguese sun before home time - as Abbey and Peter take on your funniest and most relatable listener questions. 

From a poor listener whose “handyman husband” has turned the house into a DIY disaster zone, to another who’s convinced the Crouches have restored her faith in marriage, it’s another chaotic yet heartwarming week on the pod.

Pete wades into the debate of why Scotland are “so shite at football,” while Abbey campaigns to abolish homework once and for all. The pair also reveal their proudest life moments — with Abbey getting emotional about motherhood and Pete somehow bringing it back to the World Cup.

Plus, there’s chat on couple fashion faux pas, a dramatic bird update from the villa, and plenty of laughs about champagne-fuelled parenting.

Still on holiday, still bickering, still brilliant — it’s another unfiltered episode of The Therapy Crouch.

00:00 – The pair kick off the AMA episode in Portugal

00:01:10 – Holiday reflections

00:01:49 – Petition to “abolish all homework forever.”

00:03:20 – The bird in the drainpipe

00:04:10 – Listener message: “You make me excited to be married”

00:06:09 – Why are Scotland so shite at football?

00:11:10 – “Have you always been tidy?”

00:12:37 – Abbey opens up about motherhood

00:14:46 – A listener writes in about how the Crouches’ advice saved their relationship.

00:15:10 – Couple fashion debate

00:17:26 – “The Handyman Era”

00:19:10 – The importance of being upfront in relationships

Email: thetherapycrouch@gmail.com 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapycrouchpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapycrouch 

Website: https://thetherapycrouch.com/ 

For more from Peter

https://twitter.com/petercrouch

For more from Abbey

https://www.instagram.com/abbeyclancy

Our clips channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZntcv96YhN8IvMAKsz4Dbg

#TheTherapyCrouch #AbbeyAndPete #RelationshipAdvice #Podcast

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“This DIY Disaster Almost FLOODED Their House!” - Matching Outfits Go Wrong & Abolishing Homework!

On today’s episode of The Therapy Crouch, the gang are still living their best lives in sunny Portugal — but it’s not all cocktails and calm seas. Abbey spirals into her biggest dilemma yet: how on earth to plan her 40th birthday when every idea feels wrong? Between kitchen renovations, skipped parties, and Peter’s “whatever I do will be wrong” defeatism, tensions are high (and hilarious).

Ross chimes in with holiday dreams and more chaos ensues as they unpack why every marriage argument somehow ends with builders, bags, or birthday parties. Listeners write in with tales of Fitbit-fuelled competition, friendship ghosting, and family heartbreak — including one letter that has Abbey on the verge of tears.

Of course, there’s laughter too — from Peter’s golf obsession and dream bench, to Abbey’s life-changing fashion advice that proves every mum can still feel sensational. It’s classic Therapy Crouch: a mix of sunshine, sarcasm, and surprisingly emotional honesty from podcasters abroad.

00:22 – Back in sunny Portugal and feeling smug about it.

01:08 – The surprise reveal: the kids think they’re flying home… but they’re off to Universal Orlando!

02:38 – Flashback to Abbey’s secret pregnancy at Thorpe Park — and why Pete ended up as the bag holder.

04:10 – Abbey’s Weekly Whinge: the never-ending 40th birthday indecision and kitchen chaos.

05:24 – Peter admits, “Whatever I do will be wrong” — a brutally honest husband moment.

06:25 – Abbey declares, “You’re not invited to my 40th!” and jokes she wants an upgrade.

08:12 – The Kardashian kitchen dream and Pete’s sarcastic budget breakdown.

10:32 – Home life meltdown: Abbey rants about builders, skips, and endless renovation stress.

13:10 – The acorn apocalypse: squirrels, gardeners, and a ridiculous countryside conspiracy.

15:00 – The “high maintenance” debate turns into a surprisingly heartfelt love declaration.

16:45 – Abbey calls out Pete for his smartwatch laziness — then a listener’s Fitbit rivalry takes centre stage.

19:25 – A listener vents about organizing a group gift — and creating a “spreadsheet of resentment.”

21:20 – Pete reveals the bizarre golf tradition of buying everyone drinks when you get a hole-in-one.

23:46 – “The Bench Legacy”: Pete’s dream of having his name immortalised on the golf course.

26:10 – Abbey and Pete discuss fashion fails and why confidence beats trends every time.

35:20 – Abbey gives a pep talk to a listener stuck in a wardrobe rut — “Tell yourself you’re sensational!”

39:18 – Listener dilemma: discovering a friend has been replying to messages using ChatGPT.

45:00 – A touching letter from a stepmum losing connection with her grown-up stepkids — Abbey gets emotional.

Email: thetherapycrouch@gmail.com 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapycrouchpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapycrouch 

Website: https://thetherapycrouch.com/ 

For more from Peter

https://twitter.com/petercrouch

For more from Abbey

https://www.instagram.com/abbeyclancy

Our clips channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZntcv96YhN8IvMAKsz4Dbg

#TheTherapyCrouch #AbbeyAndPete #RelationshipAdvice #Podcast

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“Whatever I Do Will Be Wrong!” - Pete’s Party Planning Panic & Abbey’s Wardrobe Wisdom!

On this week’s The Therapy Crouch, it’s an Ask Me Anything special — and things get juicy fast. Abbey and Peter dive headfirst into your burning relationship dilemmas and personal confessions. From how to tell the difference between playful teasing and emotional sabotage, to tackling the awkward art of dirty talk, no topic is off-limits. 

Abbey opens up about the trauma of post-pregnancy hair loss and how she got her confidence — and her locks — back, while Pete gives a surprisingly wholesome take on Christmas food tastings, banister indecision, and why opposites really do attract.

It’s equal parts hilarious, honest, and heartfelt — the perfect pre-holiday dose of Therapy Crouch chaos.

(Note: this episode was recorded before Pete & Abbey’s trip to Portugal!)

00:00 – Abbey’s cookie chaos & festive food tasting at M&S

00:03:20 – Abbey’s Christmas shopping panic and banister meltdown

00:04:20 – Listener dilemma: When banter crosses the line

00:06:25 – Hilarious “miniature donkey” moment

00:10:10 – The Batman chin debate & couple impressions

00:10:18 – Listener dilemma: Postpartum hair loss & Abbey’s honest experience

00:14:39 – The “Dirty Talk GCSE Drama Exam” confession

00:17:09 – Dirty talk attempt gone wrong

00:20:10 – The “soft launching” dilemma—Is he hiding me?

00:23:29 – Do opposites really attract? Abbey & Peter’s candid take

00:25:05 – Relationship values vs. personality clashes

00:26:09 – Final reflections: finding balance and saying goodnight

Email: thetherapycrouch@gmail.com 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapycrouchpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapycrouch 

Website: https://thetherapycrouch.com/ 

For more from Peter

https://twitter.com/petercrouch

For more from Abbey

https://www.instagram.com/abbeyclancy

Our clips channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZntcv96YhN8IvMAKsz4Dbg

#TheTherapyCrouch #AbbeyAndPete #RelationshipAdvice #Podcast

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is He Hiding You? The Truth About Soft Launching in Relationships & Chat GPT’s Dirty Talk Test…

On this week’s episode of The Therapy Crouch, Abbey and Peter are soaking up the sun as the gang records from Portugal. Between tales of hangovers, gym disasters, and brutal Hyrox sessions, Abbey’s quick wit and Peter’s self-deprecating humour are in full flow.

From the chaos of Brits abroad to parenting dilemmas, decathlon obsessions, and an emotional listener email about body confidence, it’s the perfect mix of laughs, reflection, and holiday chaos.

Expect brutally honest advice on pushy parenting, hilarious household spats about bins and ladders, and the usual marital mayhem that makes The Therapy Crouch the most relatable therapy session on the internet.

00:00:25 – Abbey and Pete welcome listeners from sunny Portugal

00:01:43 – Abbey reveals how their “no drinking” plan spectacularly fell apart on night one.

00:02:18 – Pete boasts about smashing his Hyrox workout — before pulling his calf moments later.

00:05:01 – Pete limping out of the gym “like Saving Private Ryan.”

00:07:24 – Pete gives Abbey his “Weekly Shine” for their stress-free airport run.

00:10:17 – “It’s Brits abroad — we can’t help ourselves.”

00:13:17 – Pete’s obsession with Decathlon, calling it “heaven for adults.”

00:18:43 – Emotional listener email: a young boy nicknamed “Peter Crouch” learns to embrace his height.

00:25:07 – The great “Air Fryer Obsession”

00:27:09 – A listener’s boyfriend leaves one sip of milk in the fridge

00:31:00 – Abbey dreams of ditching society to live in a cottage with 12 dogs.

00:42:00 – Agony Abs turns deep: a listener torn between two relationships sparks heated advice from all three.

Email: thetherapycrouch@gmail.com 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapycrouchpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapycrouch 

Website: https://thetherapycrouch.com/ 

For more from Peter

https://twitter.com/petercrouch

For more from Abbey

https://www.instagram.com/abbeyclancy

Our clips channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZntcv96YhN8IvMAKsz4Dbg

#TheTherapyCrouch #AbbeyAndPete #RelationshipAdvice #Podcast

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“That’s Made Me Quite Emotional Actually…” – This Listener’s Message Really Hit Home For Pete

On this week’s Halloween Ask Me Anything episode of The Therapy Crouch, Abbey and Peter embrace spooky season with a cauldron full of listener dilemmas. From neighbourhood turf wars over Halloween decorations and the “right” kind of sweets to parents debating whether trick-or-treating counts as “modern begging,” no question is too ghostly or gory.

Abbey shares an emotional story about signs from the afterlife, while Peter reflects on mischief nights, Ibiza party memories, and an eternal battle with teacakes. Together, they tackle debates on sexy zombie costumes, haunted neighbours, and how to survive Halloween as parents (and as a couple).

Expect laughs, nostalgia, chaos, and the occasional existential chat about spirits — the ghostly kind and the fizzy pink kind.

00:00 – Abbey and Peter open the Halloween special

01:00 – Mischief Night explained: egging, toilet paper, chaos

02:30 – Ibiza neighbour drama and Peter’s “rave at night, zen by day” rant

04:10 – Would you go all-out or tone down Halloween for grumpy neighbours?

08:00 – The infamous “worm in Pasha” story

09:15 – Abbey’s emotional story about her late doctor and eerily timed message

12:20 – The “Trick-or-Treating is Begging” debate

14:00 – Abbey and Pete’s scariest parenting memories

16:00 – Why community street parties are secretly brilliant

20:00 – The “Sexy Zombie Cheerleader” dilemma

25:00 – Should you let your 12-year-old go trick-or-treating alone?

27:30 – Abbey’s Dracula hot chocolate moment and the outro

Email: thetherapycrouch@gmail.com 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapycrouchpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapycrouch 

Website: https://thetherapycrouch.com/ 

For more from Peter

https://twitter.com/petercrouch

For more from Abbey

https://www.instagram.com/abbeyclancy

Our clips channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZntcv96YhN8IvMAKsz4Dbg

#TheTherapyCrouch #AbbeyAndPete #RelationshipAdvice #Podcast

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Halloween Neighbour Wars, Signs From the Afterlife & Should Kids Trick-or-Treat Alone?

On this week’s episode of The Therapy Crouch, Abbey and Peter are back from their whirlwind Ibiza escape — and it’s fair to say the trip had it all. From torrential rain and landslides that left them stranded in their villa, to Abbey calling a waiter an “egghead” and tactical napping gone wrong, it’s an Ibiza debrief like no other.

The gang also dive into listener emails about newborns, hormonal mood swings, and the world’s most inconsiderate boyfriend who thought a McDonald’s counted as a birthday dinner. There’s Halloween chaos in the Crouch household, Peter’s emotional dad moment at his son’s cross-country race, and Abbey admitting she can’t deal with talkative neighbours — or random kids in soft play.

By the end, the pair get surprisingly sentimental as Peter confesses the trip made him “appreciate home, family, and routine” — before losing it over unblown leaves.

00:00 – 02:30 Power cut panic before recording & the useless generator saga.

02:30 – 04:45 Ibiza recap begins — raw sardines, tactical naps & missing the big night.

04:45 – 06:15 FOMO on the flight home and listener messages about new babies.

08:00 – 09:45 Peter’s emotional dad moment watching Johnny’s cross-country race.

10:35 – 12:45 Abbey introduces “Snaps” — the telepathic party game that baffles everyone.

14:05 – 16:10 Abbey calls a rude waiter an “egghead” — and has no regrets.

17:00 – 18:45 Ibiza drama: landslides, stranded villas, and champagne in pyjamas.

19:00 – 25:00 Halloween mania — kids’ costumes, Tim Burton’s epic party, and Abbey’s cat outfit.

27:15 – 31:10 Nightmares, claustrophobia, and existential talk about ghosts, energy, and death.

33:00 – 34:00 Abbey’s “no margaritas” revelation.

35:00 – 39:00 Listener email: “Shark Week” mood swings & Peter’s survival advice for hormonal partners.

42:30 – 45:45 Listener dilemma — the boyfriend who owes money, forgets birthdays, and serves McDonald’s for dinner.

47:00 – 52:00 Chat about talkative neighbours, ignoring kids in soft play, and Abbey’s “hide if you see them” tactic.

52:00 – END Final reflections: Ibiza made them appreciate home, family, and routine — plus Abbey’s fury at uncollected leaves.

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Email: thetherapycrouch@gmail.com 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapycrouchpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapycrouch 

Website: https://thetherapycrouch.com/ 

For more from Peter

https://twitter.com/petercrouch

For more from Abbey

https://www.instagram.com/abbeyclancy

Our clips channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZntcv96YhN8IvMAKsz4Dbg

#TheTherapyCrouch #AbbeyAndPete #RelationshipAdvice #Podcast

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Ibiza Debreif: Champagne in Pyjamas, Landslide Chaos & How To Survive “Shark Week”

On this week’s Ask Me Anything episode of The Therapy Crouch, Peter and Abbey Crouch tackle your juiciest listener dilemmas—from dodgy mates stealing business ideas to kids with sailor mouths and parents with playground egos.

Peter confesses his selective husband hearing, Abbey vents about domestic chaos, and the pair debate whether a friend who never pays her share can be reformed. Expect hilarious tangents about cantaloupes, awkward neighbour encounters, chimney revenge plots, and the ever-competitive world of school mums.

As always, it’s equal parts relatable, ridiculous, and real-life therapy—Crouch-style.

00:00 – Pete can’t pronounce “cantaloupe” and chaos ensues

00:52 – A listener calls out Peter’s “selective hearing” in marriage

03:57 – The banister argument—Peter’s DIY meltdown

07:29 – When your 4-year-old drops the F-bomb

10:28 – Abbey and Peter’s take on kids swearing and modern pop lyrics

11:22 – “My friend stole my business idea!” – The baking betrayal

13:33 – Peter’s wild golf club chimney revenge story

15:07 – The tight mate who never pays up

17:18 – “Mum Wars” – Schoolyard competitiveness and pressure

20:13 – Abbey’s philosophy on parenting and happiness

22:23 – The coworker who narrates her entire day aloud

24:26 – Peter’s final meltdown and closing laughs

Email: thetherapycrouch@gmail.com 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapycrouchpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapycrouch 

Website: https://thetherapycrouch.com/ 

For more from Peter

https://twitter.com/petercrouch

For more from Abbey

https://www.instagram.com/abbeyclancy

Our clips channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZntcv96YhN8IvMAKsz4Dbg

#TheTherapyCrouch #AbbeyAndPete #RelationshipAdvice #Podcast

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Selective Hearing or Survival Skill? Why Men Stop Listening in a Marriage…

On this week’s episode of The Therapy Crouch, Abbey and Peter are joined by indie rock legend Miles Kane, fresh off announcing his new album Sunlight and Shadows.

From tales of wild North London nights with Arctic Monkeys to lessons learned from Paul Weller, Miles opens up about his 20-year career, his creative rebirth in Nashville, and why he’s finally embracing calm over chaos.

The trio get nostalgic reminiscing about red leather trousers, chaotic kids’ birthday parties, and the eternal north vs south debate. In Agony Abs, Abbey, Pete, and Miles tackle listeners’ dilemmas — from neighbours posting poo through letterboxes to partners making shocking Amex mistakes.

It’s therapy, chaos, and rock’n’roll in one hilarious, heartwarming session.

00:00 – Abbey’s “weekly whine” about kids’ impossible homework

04:30 – “Grow up!”: Road rage stories and unexpected confrontations

07:45 – The infamous “Duke of Edinburgh” and “camping wankers” moment

14:00 – Reminiscing with Miles Kane: how he met Peter on Graham Norton

18:00 – The start of Miles’ music career and early days with The Rascals

22:20 – Touring with Arctic Monkeys and becoming lifelong friends

24:40 – Recording in Nashville and learning to stop self-sabotage

26:10 – “No more two-faced twats”: Miles on finding peace in his 30s

31:00 – Advice from Paul Weller that changed Miles’ career

33:40 – Miles on today’s music scene and why bands are struggling

36:00 – Red leather pants, personal style, and creative confidence

47:00 – Agony Abs: Neighbour wars, birthday chaos & Amex drama

Email: thetherapycrouch@gmail.com 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapycrouchpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapycrouch 

Website: https://thetherapycrouch.com/ 

For more from Peter

https://twitter.com/petercrouch

For more from Abbey

https://www.instagram.com/abbeyclancy

Our clips channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZntcv96YhN8IvMAKsz4Dbg

#TheTherapyCrouch #AbbeyAndPete #RelationshipAdvice #Podcast

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“I Nearly Quit Music” – Miles Kane on Arctic Monkeys, Paul Weller & The Dark Side of Fame

On this week’s Ask Me Anything edition of The Therapy Crouch, Abbey and Peter tackle yet another chaotic mix of listener confessions, steamy dilemmas, and hilarious real-life stories. From fantasy celebrity lists gone wrong (including one very muscular postman), to relationship confessions about hotel getaways and the death of romance after kids, nothing is off-limits.

Ross reveals his holiday prep chaos ahead of his trip to Barbados, Peter explains the weirdest ad campaigns he’s ever done (including straddling a snooker table with Abbey in lingerie), and the pair get brutally honest about body confidence, low libido, and whether fantasy lists are harmless fun or total red flags

It’s equal parts therapy session, comedy hour, and marital debate — with the usual dose of Crouch–Clancy chaos.

00:00 – Intro chaos

02:20 – The stingray incident that left Abbey scarred for life

04:36 – Listener dilemma: The fantasy celebrity list gone wrong

07:40 – Are fantasy lists dangerous?

08:17 – Hotel room confessions — “packing half the bedroom!”

10:00 – Golf terminology guessing game disaster

14:00 – Homeopathic remedies & Abbey’s wellness obsession

16:20 – The weirdest ad jobs they’ve ever done

19:00 – Peter’s surreal BBC One moment with Wayne Rooney

21:10 – Confidence vs nerves — Abbey’s honesty on anxiety

22:00 – Soup wars: Mushroom vs Broccoli showdown

24:10 – Listener dilemma: Losing confidence after having kids

26:00 – Abbey’s take on post-baby body confidence & intimacy

Email: thetherapycrouch@gmail.com 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapycrouchpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapycrouch 

Website: https://thetherapycrouch.com/ 

For more from Peter

https://twitter.com/petercrouch

For more from Abbey

https://www.instagram.com/abbeyclancy

Our clips channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZntcv96YhN8IvMAKsz4Dbg

#TheTherapyCrouch #AbbeyAndPete #RelationshipAdvice #Podcast

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Halloween Neighbour Wars, Signs From the Afterlife & Should Kids Trick-or-Treat Alone?

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