The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast

How to Let Go of Your ShameChances are, there’s something in your life you feel deeply ashamed about—something you’ve never told anyone, something you can’t even admit to yourself. In this episode, we go deep into the emotion we all experience but almost no one wants to talk about: shame. Where it comes from, why it’s so powerful, how it screws up our lives—and more importantly, how to deal with it. We cover the biology of shame, the psychology, the evolutionary roots, and how modern life (especially the internet) completely messes with our shame systems. We talk about healthy vs. toxic shame, how it shows up in addiction, relationships, perfectionism, and self-sabotage, and why most of us either try to hide from it or end up being controlled by it. You’ll also hear from members of my team about how shame shaped their lives in surprising ways. As always, this episode is brutally honest, deeply researched, and sprinkled with a few bad jokes. But more than anything, I hope it gives you the awareness—and the tools—to start facing whatever it is you’ve been avoiding. Because you can’t outrun your shame. But you can learn to live with it. We also put together a free companion guide for this episode with all the takeaways, references, and tools to help you get your sh*t together once and for all. Download it here: https://solvedpodcast.com/shame Ready to stop listening to podcasts and actually start taking action? Join the Solved Community, a group of like-minded people who are taking small steps every day to make big changes in their lives: https://findmomentum.com/shame Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Chapters 00:00:00 Introduction 00:04:35 Chapter 1: Shame's Hidden Architecture 00:14:38 Chapter 2: Key Definitions 00:18:32 Distinguishing Shame from Guilt 00:20:49 State Shame vs. Trait Shame 00:21:47 Shame vs. Embarrassment and Humiliation 00:24:03 Shame, Trauma, and their Interrelationship 00:25:14 Chapter 3: The Neurobiology of Shame 00:29:56 The Shame Spiral 00:36:04 The Learning Paradox of Shame 00:44:12 Chapter 4: The Shame Compass 00:47:33 Personal Experiences with Shame 00:49:21 Workaholism as a Coping Mechanism 00:59:13 The Allure of Shamelessness 01:01:15 Chapter 5: Individual, Familial, & Cultural Sources of Shame 01:11:05 Geographical Impact on Shame 01:13:08 Cultural Values and Shame 01:14:35 How the Greater Culture Shapes Shame 01:26:12 Chapter 6: Digital Technology & Shame 2.0 01:28:02 The Digital Divide 01:31:05 The Relationship Between Technology and Anxiety 01:33:55 Protection Strategies 01:39:21 Chapter 7: Developmental Stages of Shame 01:40:19 Understanding the Origin of Shame 01:42:57 The Role of Parenting in Shame Development 01:56:49 Chapter 8: How Therapy Transformed Our Understanding of Shame 02:01:06 Carl Rogers and the Safety Revolution 02:07:31 Albert Ellis and the Cognitive Revolution 02:11:58 The Influence of Albert Ellis and Carl Rogers 02:13:31 The Emergence of Reparenting and Inner Child Work 02:17:18 The Rise of Internal Family System 02:20:24 Brene Brown's Work on Shame 02:27:59 Chapter 9: Tools to Address Your Shame 02:40:19 Stoic Principles for Perspective 02:47:05 Perspective Shifting Techniques 02:58:26 Chapter 10: Tuning Your Shame System 03:10:39 Recognizing Unsustainable Shame Patterns 03:16:28 Kristen Neff's Self-Compassion Framework 03:25:33 Understanding Shame as Obsession and Resentment 03:29:53 Overcoming Shame and Personal Growth 03:31:39 Takeaways fr...

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How to Manage Your EmotionsWhat are emotions? Why do we feel anything at all? And more importantly — can we actually get better at feeling? In this episode, Drew and I dive headfirst into what might be the hardest question in all of psychology: what the actual f**k are emotions? We break down the biology, neuroscience, evolution, culture, and even language that shape how we feel — and why we often don’t understand what the hell is going on inside us. From ancient philosophy to brain scans, this is a deep (and occasionally weird) look into the emotional chaos that makes us human. We unpack everything from the origins of emotional intelligence (spoiler: it might be BS) to the science of emotional regulation, attachment styles, and the sneaky ways your culture wires your emotional defaults. Along the way, we explore why some relationships make you feel like a better person while others drain the life out of you, and how trauma, genetics, and childhood with your ability to keep it together. But this episode isn’t just about understanding emotions — it’s about learning how to work with them. And we give you a full emotional toolkit: a set of evidence-based tools to help you manage your emotions, build better relationships, feel more motivated, and yes — even feel more confident in yourself in the process. We also put together a free companion guide for this episode with all the takeaways, references, and tools to help you get your sh*t together once and for all. Download it here: https://solvedpodcast.com/emotions Ready to stop listening to podcasts and actually start taking action? Join Momentum, a community of like-minded people who are taking small steps every day to make big changes in their lives: https://findmomentum.com/emotions Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Chapters: 0:00:00 Introduction 0:04:47 Chapter 1: What Are Emotions? 0:14:04 The Emotional Brain 0:22:03 Neurotransmitters 0:34:25 Evolution of Emotions 0:39:53 How Life Experiences Shape Emotional Regulation 0:48:41 Conclusion on What are Emotions 0:49:45 Chapter 2: How Culture Influences Our Emotions 0:55:44 Vietnam Bike Story 1:00:05 Your Culture Trains You to Want Certain Feelings 1:06:00 Culture Decides Whether Suppression is a Superpower or a Liability 1:07:56 Paradox of Emotional Conformity 1:16:36 How Language Shapes What You Feel 1:29:23 Emotional Complexity 1:36:25 Your Emotions Are Social Currency 1:43:00 Conclusion to Culture defines our emotions 1:44:08 Chapter 3: Historical and Philosophical Traditions on Emotions 1:57:21 Modern Culture 1:59:00 Chapter 4: The Four Schools of Emotional Regulation 2:00:56 The Heart 2:08:55 The Head 2:18:37 The Soul 2:28:50 The Body 2:36:23 The Integrated Toolkit 2:48:25 Chapter 5: Brilliant or Bullshit: Emotional Intelligence 2:57:31 Chapter 6: Relationships and Emotional Regulation 3:09:54 Attachment Theory 3:27:29 Toxic Relationship 3:36:49 Building Emotional Compatibility 3:51:24 Conclusion Relationships 3:57:24 Chapter 7: 80/20 Follow me: https://instagram.com/markmanson/ https://twitter.com/IAmMarkManson

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