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Helen Zaltzman

Adventures in language with Helen Zaltzman. TheAllusionist.org

The Allusionist

It's the annual parade of Bonus Bits - things this year's guests said that I couldn't fit into their episodes, and/or weren't about language, but now is their time to shine. We've got tricorn hats, changing your dog's name, Boston cream pie, parmesan vs vomit, the placebo effect's negative sibling, the universal blank, headache poetry and bawdy riddles. And more! Thanks to, in order of appearance: Joanna Kopaczyk, Juliana Pache, Ben Zimmer, Stacey Mei Yan Fong, A.J. Jacobs, Zazie Todd and Caroline Crampton.
 
Visit theallusionist.org/bonus2024 for the transcript of this episode, more information about the topics therein, links to all the guest and their original episodes, and all the previous years' bonus episodes.
 
Content note: this episode contains mentions of cancer and death, and anti-fat culture - but I tell you when that section is about to start, so you can skip ahead by five and a half minutes if you need to.
 
To help fund this independent podcast, take yourself to theallusionist.org/donate and become a member of the Allusioverse. You get regular livestreams with me reading from my ever-expanding collection of dictionaries, inside scoops into the making of this show, and watchalong parties - coming up, we've got Great Pottery Throwdown 2025, and Cold Comfort Farm (1995). And best of all, you get the company of your fellow Allusionauts in our delightful Discord community. 
 
And go to theallusionist.org/events for information about the Allusionist's big 10th birthday live show in Vancouver BC on 12 January 2025.
 
This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, with music and production assistance from Martin Austwick of palebirdmusic.com. Find @allusionistshow on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Threads, Bluesky, TikTok, etc.
 
Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk about your product or thing on the show, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Rosetta Stone, language-learning programs available for 25 different languages. Allusionist listeners get 50% off lifetime memberships at rosettastone.com/allusionist. 
• Audio Maverick, a new 9-part documentary podcast from CUNY TV about radio maven Himan Brown. Hear about the dawn of radio and Brown's remarkable career, via archive footage and new interviews with audio mavericks, by subscribing to Audio Maverick in your podcast app.
• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.
• Rocket Money, the personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions and monitors your spending. Go to rocketmoney.com/allusionist to save money and lower your outgoings.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

206. Bonus 2024

Happy tenth birthday to this show! To celebrate, here's every randomly selected word from the dictionary from the first decade of the show. 
 
Visit theallusionist.org/randomlyselectedwords to read the transcript and get other Tranquillusionist episodes.
 
The podcast is taking a break until early May 2025, but the Allusioverse will continue to be in full swing: become a member at theallusionist.org/donate. You get regular livestreams with me reading from my ever-expanding collection of dictionaries, inside scoops into the making of this show, and watchalong parties - such as Great Pottery Throwdown (2025), and Cold Comfort Farm (1995). And best of all, you get the company of your fellow Allusionauts in our delightful Discord community. 
 
There's also a free livestream for everyone happening 18 January 1pm PT/4pm ET/21:00 UTC at youtube.com/allusionistshow.
 
This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, with music composed by Martin Austwick of palebirdmusic.com. Find @allusionistshow on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and Bluesky.
 
Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk about your product or thing on the show, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:
 
• Rosetta Stone, language-learning programs available for 25 different languages. Allusionist listeners get 50% off lifetime memberships at rosettastone.com/allusionist. 
• Understance: comfortable, stylish, size-inclusive bras and undies. Shop the range and learn about your own branatomy at understance.com.
• Curiosity Weekly from Discovery, the podcast that brings us the latest and greatest scientific discoveries, and explains them even for those of us who don’t have a science PhD. Listen to Curiosity Weekly in the places you get your podcasts.
• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

207. Randomly Selected Words from the Dictionary

Welcome to Four Letter Word season!

We're kicking off with one of the most versatile words: it can be a noun, verb, punctuation, expostulation, full sentence on its own; it can be an intensifier, an insult and a compliment... and a Category A swear, which is why I've had to sanitise it for the title lest your pod app takes exception. And of course, content note: this episode contains many category A swears, plus some sexual references.

Lexicographer and editor Jesse Sheidlower joins to talk about making four editions (so far) of The F Word, a history and dictionary of the multivalent F word. Find his work at jessesword.com

Next up in Four Letter Word season: we revisit an even stronger swear.

Visit theallusionist.org/ffff (that's four Fs) for a transcript of this episode, plus links to more information about topics in the episode.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes glimpses about every episode, fortnightly livestreams with me and my dictionaries, and the Allusioverse Discord community.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations.

The music is by Martin Austwick. Download his songs at palebirdmusic.com and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… Essentially: if I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Audio Maverick, a 9-part documentary podcast from CUNY TV about radio maven Himan Brown. Hear about the dawn of radio and Brown's remarkable career, via archive footage and new interviews with audio mavericks, by subscribing to Audio Maverick in your podcast app.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners eighteen free meals, plus free shipping on your first box, and free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

• Quince, luxurious clothing and homewares at prices 50-80% lower than comparable brands. Go to Quince.com/allusionist for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

208. Four Letter Words: Ffff

Ten years ago, on the fourth episode of the show, I investigated why the C-word is considered a worse swear than the others. Since then - well really just in the last three years or so - there has been a huge development: the word has hit the mainstream as a compliment, in the forms of serving it and -y. Linguists Nicole Holliday and Kelly Elizabeth Wright discuss this use of the word originating in the ballroom culture of New York City in the 1990s, and what it means to turn such a strong swear into praise.

Related to this: the Allusionist live show Souvenirs! Which is about, among other things, some of the tech problems today's word causes, and how being one can wreck a friendship and a printing press. See Souvenirs in Toronto 1 June and Montréal 9 June; find ticket links and venue info at theallusionist.org/events.

Visit theallusionist.org/serving for a transcript of this episode, plus links to more information about topics in the episode, and the rest of Four Letter Word season.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes glimpses about every episode, fortnightly livestreams with me and my dictionaries, and the Allusioverse Discord community.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. The music is by Martin Austwick. Download his songs at palebirdmusic.com and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life: go to rosettastone.com/allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

• Quince, luxurious clothing and homewares at prices 50-80% lower than comparable brands. Go to Quince.com/allusionist for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

209. Four Letter Words: Serving C-bomb

Four Letter Word season continues with a quiz (which is a four-letter word itself) about four letter words. Test your etymological knowledge, and hear about the original nepo baby, John Venn's invention that wasn't the venn diagram, brat, gunk, rube, the time(s) Led Zeppelin changed their name, and plenty more.

Play along while you listen - there's an interactive scoresheet at theallusionist.org/444, where there's also a transcript of this episode, plus links to more information about topics therein, and to the rest of Four Letter Word season and the previous Allusionist quizzes. 

Also check theallusionist.org/events for upcoming live shows, including a special collab with Material Girls podcast, and an event with Samin Nosrat for her new book Good Things.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes glimpses about every episode, livestreams with me and my collection of dictionaries, and the charming and supportive Allusioverse Discord community.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of the of the Mississaugas of the Credit, the Anishnaabe, the Chippewa, the Haudenosaunee, and the Wendat peoples. The music is by Martin Austwick. Download his songs at palebirdmusic.com and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

210. Four Letter Words: 4x4x4 Quiz

The other day was the 53rd anniversary of the break-in at the Watergate Hotel, which not only caused a lot of political uproar, it had a big linguistic legacy: the suffix -gate to mean a scandal. Today, as part of Four Letter Word season, we have a list of -gates - royal, sporting, political, food, showbiz - it's a non-exhaustive list because there are so many, and new ones are being spawned all the time. Content warning for all sorts of bad human behaviour.

At theallusionist.org/gate you'll find a transcript of this episode, plus links to more information about many of the -gates, and to the rest of Four Letter Word season.

Also check theallusionist.org/events for upcoming live shows, including a special collab with Material Girls podcast, and an event with Samin Nosrat for her new book Good Things.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes glimpses about every episode, livestreams with me and my collection of dictionaries, and the charming and supportive Allusioverse Discord community.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. The music is by Martin Austwick. Download his songs at palebirdmusic.com and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Understance, a growing Vancouver BC company making thoughtfully designed, pretty and comfy bras, undies and sleepwear. They’re having a sale on June 26-July 1 so get over there and stock up at understance.com or at their stores in Vancouver, Burnaby, Calgary and Toronto. 

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

• Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life: go to rosettastone.com/allusionist.

• Quince, luxurious clothing and homewares at prices 50-80% lower than comparable brands. Go to Quince.com/allusionist for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

211. Four Letter Words: -gate

Get in, winner: we're going on a field trip. We're spending the day in five of Vancouver's city parks with Justin McElroy, Municipal Affairs Reporter for the CBC and ranker of Vancouver's 243 parks at VancouverParkGuide.ca. Together we ponder: what IS a park? You think you know, then along comes a slab of concrete called a park to test your taxonomy.

Visit theallusionist.org/park for photos of the parks and more information about them, plus a transcript of the episode.

Events are happening! Get info at theallusionist.org/events about the meetup on 13 August in one of Vancouver's beach parks, the listening party for the live Radio 4 broadcast of our piece Souvenirs, and for Four Letter Word season, a watchalong of the films Dick and Dicks: The Musical. Want to join that? Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes glimpses about every episode, livestreams with me and my collection of dictionaries, and the charming and supportive Allusioverse Discord community, where we're watching the current seasons of Great British Sewing Bee and Bake Off: The Professionals.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. The music is by Martin Austwick. Download his songs at palebirdmusic.com and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Understance, a growing Vancouver BC company making thoughtfully designed, pretty and comfy bras, undies and sleepwear. They’re having a sale on June 26-July 1 so get over there and stock up at understance.com or at their stores in Vancouver, Burnaby, Calgary and Toronto.

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Quince, luxurious clothing and homewares at prices 50-80% lower than comparable brands. Go to Quince.com/allusionist for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

212. Four Letter Words: Park

The latest four letter word of Four Letter Word season is dino. 'Dinosaur' is derived from Greek 'terrible lizard', and they could have called it 'whopping great lizard' or 'sublime lizard' or 'hey cool lizard', but no. TERRIBLE. Professor Hannah McGregor of Material Girls podcast and author of the book Clever Girl: Jurassic Park explains humans' relationship with language for dinosaurs, and why 'terrible' might be a perfect choice.

Visit theallusionist.org/dino for more information about dinos, links to Hannah and her work, pics of the Crystal Palace Park dinosaurs, and the transcript of the episode.

TOMORROW, ie 22 July, at 4pm UK time, BBC Radio 4 is broadcasting (and internetting) our piece Souvenirs, a sort of tragicomic essay/documentary/musical? about the two friends who around 1900 founded the groundbreaking Doves Press then almost immediately had a big falling out and spent more than a decade fighting over their in-house typeface. And THEN things got weird. If you like stories about history and/or petty revenge, this is for you.

It’s some of my best work - I give it 7.8 out of 10 - and I’d love for you to listen to it, via radio or BBC website or BBC Sounds (it’ll be on there for a while after, I’m not sure how long). We're also having a live listening party during the broadcast in the Allusioverse Discord, so what a great time to join: theallusionist.org/donate You also get behind the scenes scoops about the making of every episode, livestreams with me and my collection of dictionaries, perks at live shows, the company of your fellows in the Allusioverse Discord, and watchalongs eg currently the new season of Great British Sewing Bee. And, you're keeping this independent podcast going, what great outcomes for your money.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. Martin Austwick provided music and editorial assistance. Download his songs at palebirdmusic.com and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Understance, a growing Vancouver BC company making thoughtfully designed, pretty and comfy bras, undies and sleepwear. They’re having a sale on June 26-July 1 so get over there and stock up at understance.com or at their stores in Vancouver, Burnaby, Calgary and Toronto.

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

• Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life: go to rosettastone.com/allusionist.

• Quince, luxurious clothing and homewares at prices 50-80% lower than comparable brands. Go to Quince.com/allusionist for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

213. Four Letter Words: Dino

In late 2014, China announced it was to ban puns. Helen Zaltzman wishes she could ban puns in her own family.
 
Warning: this episode features some hideous incidences of wordplay.
 
Visit http://theallusionist.org/puns to find out more about this episode. 
 
Tweet @allusionistshow, and convene at http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. Subscribe on iTunes http://tinyurl.com/iTunesAllusionist. Subscribe on iTunes at http://tinyurl.com/itunesAllusionist.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

1. Ban The Pun.

There are many synonyms for ‘underwear’. There are many synonyms for the body parts you keep in your underwear. But there’s only one word for ‘bra’.
 
Visit http://theallusionist.org/bras to find out more about this episode. 
 
Tweet @allusionistshow, and convene at http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. Subscribe on iTunes at http://tinyurl.com/itunesAllusionist.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

2. Bosom Holder

This is the Tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, in the interests of temporarily trying to stop that feeling where you think your brain is trying to claw its way out of your skull, read the punchlines to classic jokes.
 
This episode, including a transcript, resides at theallusionist.org/punchlines; see if you can figure out all the jokes they belong to.
 
Find all the Allusionist episodes - other Tranquillusionists and also ones that are actually about something - at theallusionist.org.
 
The original music is by Martin Austwick. Hear Martin’s songs at palebirdmusic.com or on Spotify, and he’s @martinaustwick on Twitter and Instagram.
 
I make two other podcasts, Veronica Mars Investigations and Answer Me This, which are mercifully unconnected to current events, if you’re seeking some escape from those.
 
The Allusionist's online home is theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at twitter.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow and instagram.com/allusionistshow.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Tranquillusionist: Punchlines

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