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Aliza Pressman

As a parent, do you ever wish someone could just whisper some realistic and trustworthy support in your ear? And not make you feel awful for not having all the answers? Well, that's what I'm here for.

I'm Dr. Aliza Pressman, developmental psychologist, NYT bestselling author of The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans, Associate Clinical Professor, and Co-Founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center. And I'm a mom... trying to raise good humans myself, so I'm in this with you!

In each episode, we'll go deep (but brief) with both experts and parents to share the most effective approaches and tools and talk about the important bigger picture of raising good humans. My goal is to make your parenting journey less overwhelming and a lot more joyful!

Please join me every Friday for new episodes of Raising Good Humans.

Raising Good Humans

Why do constraints help kids thrive? Dr. Aliza Pressman & David Epstein reveal the counterintuitive science of raising resilient, confident children.

If you've ever wondered whether making things easier for your kids is actually holding them back, this episode will stop you in your tracks. Dr. Aliza Pressman sits down with bestselling science writer David Epstein, author of Inside the Box, to unpack the research-backed case for constraints as one of the most powerful — and most misunderstood — tools in child development. From the Harvard Study of Adult Development's landmark findings on chores and confidence, to the neuroscience of why frustration tolerance is a skill every parent should be actively building, this conversation gives you concrete strategies you can implement this week. Starting at the dinner table.

What you’ll learn:

 
Why assigning chores in kindergarten predicts higher self-confidence later, and how to frame them so kids actually want to do them

 
What the Constraints-Led Approach (used by elite sports coaches) can teach every parent about stepping back and letting kids self-organize

 
"Brain first, tool second," David's framework for navigating AI, screens, and the cognitive risks of passive consumption

 
Why anomie (normlessness) drives youth anxiety and how clear family values and rituals act as a protective anchor

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Why Your Kid Needs More Chores, More Boredom, and More Frustration (Yes, Really)

What if the hardest part of dating after divorce isn't whether you're ready, but whether your kids are?

This solo episode tackles one of the most-asked, least-discussed questions in the inbox: how to start dating again after divorce in a way that honors your own life and your children's emotional reality. It's a topic carrying guilt, grief, longing, worry, and the very real truth that you are still a living, breathing person who wants a romantic life. 

Drawing on listener-submitted questions, this conversation walks through the practical and emotional terrain of re-entering romantic life. We will discuss why your timeline almost never matches your child's, what inner work to do before your first date back, how to introduce a new partner without quietly handing your kids the job of approving them, and how to be honest about loneliness without making them feel responsible for filling it.

What you'll learn:

 
Why your child's timeline is on a totally different track than yours and the rough one-year guideline for keeping your dating life "off-stage"

 
The two moves to avoid when you introduce a new partner, including the one that quietly puts adult-sized weight on your child's shoulders

 
What to actually say when the blunt questions come and why your kids can never be the ones who fill your loneliness

This episode is brought to you by:

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Dating After Divorce: What to Tell Your Kids and When

Postpartum depression isn't just for moms. Dr. Darby Saxbe explores why new dads struggle, identifies the often unrecognized signs, and demystifies the science of paternal mental health.

Did you know that "dad brain" is a scientifically proven biological shift? Recent brain science shows that fatherhood literally changes and rewires men's brains--but unlike maternal shifts, a father's brain adapts primarily through the lived experience of hands-on caregiving. In this episode of Raising Good Humans, world-renowned researcher Dr. Darby Saxbe joins host Dr. Aliza Pressman to expose the hidden mental health crisis in new dads that modern culture completely ignores. 

🦋We discuss:

 
The neuroscience of fatherhood: How caregiving rewires a dad's brain to filter out distractions and focus on the baby.

 
Postpartum depression in men: What the signs look like and why it so often goes unrecognized.

 
"Maternal gatekeeping": How well-meaning moms accidentally shut dads out of the process.

 
The truth about paternity leave and why modern isolation is breaking the "village."

 
A fascinating look at why parenting is neuroprotective (and linked to a younger-looking brain later in life).

We also tackle a critical question: How much of father absence is actually driven by untreated perinatal mental health problems? Tune into this paradigm-shifting conversation on fatherhood and mental health.

This episode is brought to you by:

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The Science of Dad Brain: How Fatherhood Changes Men Forever

What does it actually mean to be a good parent and why does knowing the research make it harder, not easier?

This week I'm sharing an interview I did with Adam Grant on his show, ReThinking, where we got into the framework I come back to constantly: all feelings are welcome, but all behaviors are not. We talked about gentle parenting, why asking your child to do something nine times is no better than asking twice, orchid vs. dandelion kids, and what I think the job of a parent actually is.

What you'll hear:

 
Why "all feelings are welcome, but all behaviors are not" is the organizing principle behind almost every parenting question

 
What orchid/dandelion research reveals about why some kids are more harmed by permissiveness than others

 
Why asking more than twice doesn't increase compliance and what to do instead

 
The one-sentence definition of the parenting job I keep coming back to

This episode is brought to you by:

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Adam Grant + Dr. Aliza: The Real Science of Effective Parenting

What if raising secure kids has less to do with what you do wrong as a parent — and more to do with teaching them to build the right relationships from the start?

My guest this week is Dr. Amir Levine, molecular neuroscientist, child psychiatrist, and associate professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University. His new book, Secure: The Revolutionary Guide to Creating a Secure Life, offers a unified theory of relationships with surprisingly concrete tools for building security at any age.

This episode shares specific, teachable tools for helping kids of all ages — including neurodivergent kids — move through the world with greater security.

What you'll learn:

 
Why less than 10% of adult attachment style can be explained by parenting and why that's good news if you've been worrying you've already "done something wrong"

 
What CARP means (Consistent, Available, Responsive, Reliable, Predictable) and why teaching kids to look for CARP friends can shape their relationship patterns for life

 
Why our brains chase drama and ignore the secure people already around us and how to redirect toward a "secure village"

 
How small, everyday micro-interactions create structural changes in the brain and why each one is an opportunity

This episode is brought to you buy:

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Why Are All the Young People So Insecure?

What if the most powerful thing you could do for your child's brain development has nothing to do with them at all?

This episode is for any parent who has worried about screen time, big emotions, or whether they're doing enough — and hasn't realized that the most direct path to a flourishing child runs straight through their own mind. I'm joined by Dr. Richard Davidson, neuroscientist, founder of the Center for Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and author of Born to Flourish.

What you'll learn:

 
Why neuroplasticity is happening to your brain right now whether you want it to or not 

 
The four pillars of flourishing (awareness, connection, insight, and purpose) and the research-backed reason five minutes a day is enough to change your brain.

 
Why flourishing is contagious — and what that means for the hardest kids, the most overwhelmed parents, and everyone in between.

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Your Kids Are Wired to Flourish — Here's How to Get Out of Their Way

What if the reason the hardest conversations with your middle schooler keep going badly isn't the topic — it's that we keep starting them like a lecture?

This episode is for any parent who has braced themselves to "have the talk" about porn, dating, nudes, or consent and watched their kid mentally exit the room before the second sentence. I'm joined by Michele Icard, parenting expert and author of Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen: The Essential Conversations You Need to Have with Your Kids Before They Start High School. 

What you'll learn:

 
Why most thorny conversations go wrong before they start, and the BRIEF model that fixes it.

 
Why shame is the wrong tool. 

 
What you might be missing about middle school dating, consent, and touch hunger. 

The throughline of the whole conversation is practice. These aren't talks you nail on the first try, and the goal isn't a single perfect conversation — it's becoming fluent enough at curiosity that you stop needing an agenda at all. 

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Deodorant, Porn, and Nudes: How to Actually Talk to Your Tween About the Hard Stuff

What if what we call high standards in our kids, and quietly admire in ourselves, is actually something much more painful underneath?

This episode takes on a question that hits closer to home than most parents want to admit: have I been confusing high standards with something more punishing, in my kids and in myself? I'm joined by Professor Thomas Curran, social psychologist at the London School of Economics and author of The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough, whose research has reframed how a generation of psychologists, parents, and young people understand what perfectionism actually is. We get into why rates are climbing, why perfectionism is so often misread (as drive, as work ethic, as the humble brag we've all been trained to admire), and what it actually looks like to help your kid aim high without paying the hidden price.

What you'll learn:

 
Why perfectionism is shame, not standards. The deficit thinking underneath it ("how much less than I appear to others") and why what reads as procrastination, withdrawal, or "not trying" in your kid may actually be perfectionism, protecting them from a shame they can't put words to. (You can't fail at something you didn't try.)

 
The myth that perfectionism produces success. The research, the burnout, the self-handicapping that hold perfectionists back, plus why the culture keeps rewarding it anyway: the job interview humble brag, the curated social feed, schools that prize over-achievement, and a narrowing economy that has parents pushing harder than they want to.

 
What helps at home. Calibrating expectations so your child isn't permanently on tiptoes, decoupling love from accomplishment, modeling making mistakes (and forgiving yourself), the difference between perfectionism and conscientiousness, and how to foster a love of learning that outlasts any one grade.

Understanding what perfectionism is helps us stop misreading our kids, soften the pressure we're passing on without meaning to, and protect the part of childhood where trying things and getting them wrong is still part of the joy.

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Perfectionism Isn't High Standards. It's Hurting Your Kid

⁠What if the years where you feel less rested, less resilient, less yourself aren't burnout or bad parenting — but a hormonal transition no one prepared you for?⁠

This episode tackles a question every woman asks herself: am I losing my edge, or is something actually happening to me? I'm joined by Dr. Mary Claire Haver — the OB-GYN whose work has reshaped how an entire generation of women, doctors, and families talk about midlife, and the first person who made me feel sane in my own body when symptoms started showing up in my early 40s. We talk about why perimenopause is landing earlier than most women expect, why it gets misread as postpartum lag, work stress, or just "getting older," and why so many plugged-in women hear from their doctors that everything looks fine when nothing feels fine.

What you'll learn:

 Why perimenopause is a brain event before it's an ovary event — and the symptoms (brain fog, mood swings, sleep disruption, weight changes, even a frozen shoulder) that can show up years before your periods get irregular, and almost never get connected back to hormones, even by your own doctor

 The real story of the Women's Health Initiative: what scared a generation of clinicians away from hormone therapy, what the evidence actually says now, and how to think about menopause hormone therapy, vaginal estrogen, and testosterone for women without the fear and without the scams (looking at you, vaginal lasers and pellet pushers)

 The non-negotiables to start in your 30s and 40s if you can — sleep, protein, lifting heavy, vitamin D, and finding a menopause-certified clinician — plus the five buckets of female sexual function

Knowing what's happening inside your own body isn't extra. It's how you stop feeling crazy, find a clinician who actually believes you, and protect the version of yourself who gets to enjoy the decades still ahead.

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Perimenopause Starts Earlier Than You Think — What Every Mom Needs to Know Now

What if your child's most "defiant" behavior at home isn't a discipline problem — but a sign of how safe you've made them feel?

This solo episode tackles one of the most common questions we all have: what to do when your kid digs in, pushes back, and you can feel yourself slipping toward the version of bedtime you swore you'd never have. It comes on the heels of a Today Show segment with Hoda and Jenna that sparked a wave of comments split between recognition and resistance — much of it circling the same anxious question: isn't picking your battles just permissive parenting?

This conversation walks through both the why and the how: why home is so often the place where the wildest behavior lands, why permissiveness is not what most of us think it is, and what to actually do in the bathroom at 7:45pm when your kid is still in their clothes and the bedtime window is closing. It also looks at the moments when no strategy is going to work because everyone's nervous system is too lit up, and what to do instead.

What you'll learn:

 
Why "defiant" behavior so often shows up the moment your child walks through the door and why that's usually a sign of safety, not a sign that something is wrong

 
The real difference between picking your battles and being permissive, and how to choose your have-tos so you protect what actually matters (sleep, safety, connection) without dragging the whole family through an hour-long fight over a bath

 
The three tools that tend to work in real time — choice, removing the barrier, and natural or logical consequences — plus what to do when both you and your child are too dysregulated for any of them to land, and a note for the parents of the orchid kids who feel like none of this works for them

Holding the line while your child storms isn't strictness. It's the steady, loving presence that, over time, teaches them that the world has structure, and that you are the safe place to come home to.

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The 3 Tools That Actually Work When Your Kid Won't Listen

Dr. Aliza answers listener questions focused on toddlers and younger children.
 
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S2 Ep 41: Listener Q and A: Throwing, Consequences, Lovies, And Daycare

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