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Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts

Wellness is a trillion-dollar industry full of scams and snake oil salesmen but comedians and best friends Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak just can’t get enough. Join them as they try products and practices, consult healers and experts, and ask the ultimate question: is it truly wellness they’re after or just the thrill of the chase?

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak

SUBSCRIBE TO THEIR NEW SHOW AT BERLANTNOVAK.SUPERCAST.COM.
 
This is an episode about faith, diaspora, and what ants are for. Jacqueline is mommy, and the world is your womb. Revelations in a time of rupture: everything “stimulates collagen”. Kate can’t stop smelling the beeswax candles from her cousin, and Jacqueline is searching for a song to mark the end. Holding up the roof as it caves in and taking ownership. Oh, to lie on the bed in the mid-morning and read! The feminine knows when something needs to die, and two tickets require two hands. An outgoing call from a formal dining room, a resonant Dirty Dancing reference that doesn’t land. Who will feed the trick or treaters? Same bitch, same bot. Once a year is Crazy Week (Fuck Week). Like Job, but not nearly as punished. See you on the mailing list.
 
Mentioned: Saie, AromaTech, Lyma, Youthforia, Marion Woodman, CosRx, OneSkin

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Goodbye Poog

Going full placebo and confronting the parable’s obvious idiot. There is no safe chalice, with literacy and hydration at an all-time low. Softer clay. Why we must sleep, and dreams of cat arms wrapped around. What is the cost of donating one’s life to Instagram? Jacqueline would never brag about reading an article. Every day Kate’s hands don’t touch soil is a waste. In the garden of the mind, a bunch of people with wisdom walk around in shame. Youth: dance to the ripe sound of pan flute! Build toward horizons, instead of peaks. Where’s the altar? Spreading fear and being ripped apart by a chimp…all for a tiara. Felicity Porter's haircut, revisited. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Those Who Struggle

$25 for a new life, and the need to be nudged. Should we not be driving from dead centre? Tradwife sippy cup fertility mug. The fear of looking like a pile of lymph leads Jacqueline to thrilling appointments with specialists, and then on a designer men’s shoe chase. An IV drip and a B12 shot in the ass—ring me up! Dreams of a backyard sauna…but will Kate draw the line at cold plunge? Blue eyeshadow for dancing, Black Honey from mother. The poison is the dose, and a decision with a countdown is Jacqueline’s worst nightmare. Energetic exchange when they come for you. Suit by Amazon, shoes by OfferUp, and a life devoted to returns. What you really need is the drum pad and two sticks. 

Mentioned: Yerba Mate, Backcountry, Joanna Czech, Kosha Spa, Environ, Ricari studios, Pause, Renew Sauna, Plunge Magic, Credo Beauty, ILIA, Celsius, Ferragamo, The Row

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When They Come For You

Mirror work. The World Wide Web. Flash frozen blueberries. Fructose. The Holocaust Museum. The Freedom Tower. The fall and rise of Smoothie.

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Smoothie (RE-RELEASE)

Retinol, white strips, and burying our dead in the earth. Jacqueline teaches Kate the Pallbearer Shuffle. Kate tells Jacqueline about the first time she saw a corpse. Jacqueline woke up listening to Caroline Myss. Women become more powerful with age. Force Majeure. Ben Franklin’s habit tracking. Surviving on 24 hours in a day. Kate considers an Erewhon membership. 
 
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This episode was edited and engineered by C. Tweedie.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Open Casket (RE-RELEASE)

The hags discuss frothers versus steamers and dying among close friends. Jacqueline got a 5 on the French AP exam and has never been to Paris. Kate speaks fake French gibberish, but has been multiple times. Making a friend into a tit you procure milk from. Narrating your own routines. Space gray.

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Milk Frothers (RE-RELEASE)

The hags went for their big night at Jar. Crying while driving, it’s time for the ashram. To identify the true medicine. To be refined in the fires of suffering. The critic. Ice cold water. Tomatoes in November. Loose leaf tea. Thank you’s written in hot fudge. Calling all New York Body Workers and Acupuncture Practitioners. Will we ever develop habits? Christmas drinks. Sneak around the pain.
 
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Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.

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A Tower of Profiterole (RE-RELEASE)

Clicking on pictures of motorcycles and haunted highways. Has the definition of extroversion changed? Cancelling and taking stock of the 365 days. Kate is healing through errands due to a meme from 6 years ago. Race for the cure? A bold move for someone who’s diminished emotionally. The retirement of a crutch via spiritual awakening… no pun intended. Sad fountain in the woods!
 
Good Spirits, Courage Bagels, The Noon Day Demon, IKEA, Tide, Shark Ninja, LMNT, Superieur, Dr. B

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Bad Fine

A masseuse in Kate’s home reminds her of the necessity of addressing the angels and eating pears. New blocks are located, while Jacqueline scrambles pancakes. What else does one put in a dishwasher? Phone call avoidance and the myths of protein. The hours you’re asleep still count, but where does it start? A math lesson leaves Kate feeling seen.
 
Mentioned: Dr. Dennis Gross; PlantStrong; Ilia; SURI Electronic Toothbrush; Blueland; Duckbill; Perfect Amino; Celsius

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Zero Involved

Open bins and thick nails. Is she gonna be screaming all night? Jacqueline’s true thoughts on Improv Everywhere, and the shadow of a blogger. 2 days or 2 years? Elegante. Kate recalls hearing a white rap in total darkness, and Jacqueline is not afraid of information. Perhaps you didn’t have to bare that burden! Teller vs Machine and the tyranny of the skinny margarita. Have you no curiosity as a doctor? Tim Gunn it!
 
Mentioned: Lyma, Dr. Dennis Gross, Nira, Shark Ninja, Ilia, Planta, Crossroads, Skincare (2024), Jar, Rose Delights
 
Begging: Proclaim flosser, Sonicare electric toothbrush, Blueland, PureLift (last time), Bloomeffects sunscreen serum

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Skinny Marg

This week's episode is a remix, a recapitulation, indeed a recontextualization of the Hags' most erudite excursions into film and television. 
 
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This episode was edited and engineered by C. Tweedie.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

REMIX: The Hags Talk Film & Television

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