Johanna Gohmann Declares All Toddlers Are Scorpios

On this episode of Parenting Is a Joke, Ophira Eisenberg sits down with humor writer Johanna Gohmann to talk about raising a teenage son while building a comedy writing career that includes pieces in The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, and The Wall Street Journal—and the release of her new parenting book, All Toddlers Are Scorpios (out April 7). Gohmann, a self-described astrology skeptic, explains how she researched zodiac lore to frame toddlers as tiny tyrants written in the stars—while admitting she’s a Sagittarius married to one and still not convinced any of it tracks. She shares what it’s like parenting her 13-year-old son, who is on the autism spectrum and currently obsessed with writing fake obituaries, navigating middle school graduation photos that made her cry, and growing up as an only child with two hovering creative parents. The conversation veers into her years living in Dublin after a one-night-stand-turned-marriage to her Northern Irish husband, how not being legally allowed to work unexpectedly jumpstarted her writing life, and why gray Irish summers require fires in August. Gohmann revisits the Moth StorySLAM win where she told the now-legendary story of mistaking postpartum diarrhea for a life-threatening hemorrhage—only to realize that once you’ve defecated on the delivery room floor, embarrassment loses its power—and reflects on parenting through grief, explaining death to a four-year-old who decided heaven might be an Arby’s. The episode moves easily between comedy and real-life stakes—misplaced lunches, replaced fish, helicopter parenting guilt, Catholic relatives in Indiana, and the strange Brooklyn playground hierarchy—capturing what it actually looks like to balance creative work, storytelling, marriage, and raising a kid who prefers writing obituaries to small talk.

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