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BBC Radio 4


Natalie Haynes takes a fresh look at the ancient world, creating stand-up routines about figures from ancient Greece and Rome.


Natalie Haynes Stands Up for the Classics

In a tour de force solo performance, Natalie takes on Virgil's great poem in 28 minutes.. and wins.

In 12 books of Latin verse we follow the hero, the Trojan Prince Aeneas, as he leads the survivors of Troy to found a new city in Italy. Along the way he battles vengeful Juno, tells of the Trojan Horse and the Fall of Troy, loves and leaves Dido in Carthage, enters Hades, eats some tables and then sees his ships turn into sea nymphs and swim away from attack. Then there is more fighting until our hero emerges triumphant.

The poet Virgil died before finishing it and ordered it to be burned, but luckily his orders were disregarded by Augustus, the first Emperor of Rome, for whom The Aeneid was excellent propaganda. 

'Rockstar mythologist' Natalie Haynes is the best-selling author of 'Divine Might', 'Stone Blind', and 'A Thousand Ships' as well as a reformed comedian who is a little bit obsessive about Ancient Greek and Rome.

Producer...Beth O'Dea

The Aeneid

The overlooked Olympian who was the resolutely unmarried goddess of the hearth and home. In fact, Zeus awarded her a glorious gift for remaining unmarried, a tradition Natalie very much feels should be continued. In Hestia's Roman form of Vesta her Vestal Virgins guarded the sacred flame in her temple. 

Edith Hall thinks she's like Nigella, a domestic goddess, which may explain why references to her are hard to find, but that her importance both to men and women at the time cannot be overestimated. 

'Rockstar mythologist' Natalie Haynes is the best-selling author of 'Divine Might', 'Stone Blind', and 'A Thousand Ships' as well as a reformed comedian who is a little bit obsessive about Ancient Greek and Rome.

Edith Hall is Professor of Classics at Durham University, specialising in ancient Greek literature. She has written over thirty books and is a Fellow of the British Academy.

Producer...Beth O'Dea

Hestia

The brilliant Roman love poet is the poster boy for teen angst. He feels everything intensely, from the stealing of his favourite napkin to the death of his lover Lesbia's pet sparrow. And then he dies young. Of course the Romantics loved him, as do his biographer Dr Daisy Dunn and Professor Llewelyn Morgan. 

Born to an aristocratic family in Verona, Catullus is fearless in abusing in sophisticated verse his father's friend Julius Caesar, his ex-lover Lesbia and the poets unlucky enough to be his contemporaries. Satirical, scurrilous and obscene, his popularity endures.

'Rockstar mythologist' Natalie Haynes is the best-selling author of 'Divine Might', 'Stone Blind', and 'A Thousand Ships' as well as a reformed comedian who is a little bit obsessive about Ancient Greek and Rome.

Dr Daisy Dunn is an award-winning classicist. Her books, Catullus’ Bedspread: The Life of Rome’s Most Erotic Poet, and The Poems of Catullus: A New Translation, were published in 2016 and earned her a place in the Guardian‘s list of leading female historians.

Producer...Beth O'Dea

Catullus

The Queen of the Olympian gods is swallowed whole by her father at birth and then marries her brother Zeus, who turns himself into a cuckoo to seduce her. Hera, or Juno to the Romans, has her triumphs. She adds the eyes to the tail feathers of her sacred bird the peacock by plucking them from the hundred-eyed monster Argos. And in the Iliad she dons a magic bra given to her by Aphrodite to persuade Zeus to support the Greeks against the Trojans. 

Her loyalty to the Greeks begins when Trojan prince Paris doesn't choose her as the most beautiful. She then devotes her life to persecuting him and his people. Perhaps a slight overreaction. But is Hera a monster or just mistreated by the undisputed worst husband of all time?

At a packed out solo show recorded at the Hay Festival Natalie puts the case for and against.

'Rockstar mythologist' Natalie Haynes is the best-selling author of 'Divine Might', 'Stone Blind', and 'A Thousand Ships' as well as a reformed comedian who is a little bit obsessive about Ancient Greek and Rome.

Producer...Beth O'Dea

Hera

Natalie is joined by Edith Hall and Nikita Gill to tell the stories of the Nine Earthly Muses, the most admired Greek women poets. They are Sappho, Myrtis, Corinna, Moero, Anyte, Nossis, Erinna, Praxilla and Telesilla. The idea was that these "divine voices" had been nurtured by the Muses themselves.

Sappho's magnificent poetry offers a different perspective from Homer's. Her Helen of Troy feels no guilt at all about leaving her family to be with Paris. The poets provide funny, inventive and unexpected angles: Corinna writes about a contest between two local mountains to see which of them can play the best song on the lyre. The disgruntled loser, Mount Helicon, then rains down boulders like snow in displeasure. Praxilla writes drinking songs using her own meter and rhythms. But their work has been scorned and misunderstood by critics and Natalie wants to redress that.

'Rockstar mythologist' Natalie Haynes is the best-selling author of 'Divine Might', 'Stone Blind', and 'A Thousand Ships' as well as a reformed comedian who is a little bit obsessive about Ancient Greek and Rome.

Nikita Gill is an Irish-Indian poet whose work offers a shift of perspective which centres women in both Greek and Hindu myth as well as folklore. She has been shortlisted for the Goodreads Choice Award in poetry and the Children's Poetry Award and longlisted for the Jhalak Prize. Her new book is Hekate: The Witch.

Edith Hall is Professor of Classics at Durham University, specialising in ancient Greek literature. She has written over thirty books and is a Fellow of the British Academy.

Producer...Beth O'Dea

The Women Poets of Ancient Greece

Natalie is joined by Professors Islam Issa and Edith Hall to tell the story of the great library of Alexandria. It was included in Alexander the Great's original design for his city, located in the Nile Delta. Alexandria was to be a city of knowledge. 

The founders of the library were ambitious: they wanted nothing less than to collect all the books in the world. They were willing to pay huge sums, but they were also ruthless and unscrupulous. The Ptolemies would write to fellow rulers and wealthy friends and ask to borrow their priceless texts. Then the library would copy the scrolls, and return the copies. Or alternatively they'd just steal them. 

Handily, papyrus, the principal reading material of the era, grew in great abundance around Alexandria. So there was plenty of it for those copies. Less fortunately, it's extremely flammable. So in 48 BCE, when Julius Caesar's besieged army set fire to ships in the harbour in order to block the invading fleet, the fire spread and destroyed a significant part of the library.

'Rockstar mythologist' Natalie Haynes is the best-selling author of 'Divine Might', 'Stone Blind', and 'A Thousand Ships' as well as a reformed comedian who is a little bit obsessive about Ancient Greek and Rome.

Islam Issa is Professor of Literature and History at Birmingham City University. His book 'Alexandria, the City that Changed the World' is the Winner of the Runciman Award and The Times, Sunday Times, TLS, Booklist, Epoch Times and Waterstones Book of the Year.

Edith Hall is Professor of Classics at Durham University, specialising in ancient Greek literature. She has written over thirty books and is a Fellow of the British Academy.

Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Alexandria: The Library

Natalie is joined by Professors Islam Issa and Edith Hall to tell the story of the ancient city of Alexandria. Located on the Nile Delta, this spectacular and highly innovative city was founded by Alexander the Great around two and half thousand years ago. And like all great ideas, it came to him in a dream.

'Rockstar mythologist' Natalie Haynes is the best-selling author of 'Divine Might', 'Stone Blind', and 'A Thousand Ships' as well as a reformed comedian who is a little bit obsessive about ancient Greece and Rome. 

Islam Issa is Professor of Literature and History at Birmingham City University. His book 'Alexandria, the City that Changed the World' is the Winner of the Runciman Award and The Times, Sunday Times, TLS, Booklist, Epoch Times and Waterstones Book of the Year.

Edith Hall is Professor of Classics at Durham University, specialising in ancient Greek literature. She has written over thirty books and is a Fellow of the British Academy.

Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Alexandria: The City

No togas today please. Natalie celebrates the mid-winter festival of Ancient Rome, Saturnalia. According to Catullus, it's the 'best of days'. 

Expect cross-dressing, sweets, drinking games and the wearing of special pyjamas. Oh and anarchy and jokes. Sounds a bit like a Christmas pantomime? Not surprising, according to veteran pantomime dame André Vincent, who traces the origins of panto back to the fifth century. Early in that same century - late antiquity - a Roman Christian named Macrobius wrote the most comprehensive extant guide to Saturnalia, which was celebrated in some places, in one way or another, until possibly the eleventh century.

You are invited to be part of this festive show which includes gifts for the entire Radio Theatre audience (cue noisy rustling of sweet bags) and the wearing of traditional Saturnalian pointy hats (the 'pileus') to celebrate. Even Professor Llewelyn Morgan has one. Honest.

Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Saturnalia

Tacitus is the great historian of imperial Rome. His writing is beautiful, unsettling, extraordinarily persuasive. We know many of his likes and dislikes about people and politics, but facts about his personal life? Not so much. 

His memoir of Agricola tells us much fascinating detail about Roman Britain: that it's an island (the Roman fleet sailed all the way round, just to check), that it's very close to Spain (with only Ireland in between); that invading Anglesey was a great victory for the Romans. He notes that it rains a lot, but omits to mention the Druids. He is also, he says, dedicated to writing impartially. Natalie may disagree. Who needs evidence when you have Tacitus' persuasive prose? It's not as if we can cross-check, because so little of the written record of the time survives to us. Natalie's guest, (modern) historian Dan Snow, finds this hard to fathom. Her other guest, Professor Llewelyn Morgan, knows it's unwise to lament the lost work. We should value what remains and hope that some new bits of Tacitus may appear in the future. 

And it turns out that by boat, Britain IS actually close to Spain. Travelling overland was hard going in Tacitus' day, so compared to that, the sea journey to Spain was easy.

Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago.

Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Tacitus

Aesop is probably the most famous author from antiquity, judging by the ongoing sales of his fables about animals. It should be easy to do a show about him, thinks Natalie. But it turns out that everything we know, or think we know about Aesop, is contradicted somewhere. He may have been Thracian, Phrygian or Ethiopian; mute - or talkative; clever, provoking and possibly blasphemous. 

It's a complicated story, and fables aren't even a Greek invention. With guests Edith Hall and Adam Rutherford, Natalie also takes advice from comedian Al Murray.

Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago.

Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Aesop

Join Natalie Haynes and guests for half an hour of comedy and the Classics from the BBC Radio Theatre in London. 

Natalie is a reformed comedian who is a little bit obsessive about Ancient Greece and Rome. 

Now she's standing up in the name of the Roman lawyer, politician and orator Cicero. 

Maybe we'd all love him a bit more if Shakespeare had had a nicer Latin teacher. Expect a lot of gossip from a thousand years ago. 

With special guests:

Lawyer Mark Stephens
Professor Llewelyn Morgan 

Producer: Mary Ward-Lowery

First broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in August 2017.

Cicero

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