Katherine Parkinson – ‘I’m Still Learning How to Be Me’

*triggers: contains description of physical assault

Katherine Parkinson is the two‑time BAFTA‑winning actor beloved for The IT Crowd, Doc Martin, Humans and most recently, Rivals, the hit Jilly Cooper adaptation that became an international Emmy winner. Fresh from her latest BAFTA win, she joins Elizabeth to reflect on the unexpected turns that shaped her life – from Surbiton to Oxford, from comedy to chaos, and from self‑doubt to a hard‑won sense of confidence.

In this episode, we talk about her childhood dreams of becoming an astronaut, how her brothers are convinced she’s in MI5 (we will never know), the class anxieties that coloured her university years, her lifelong battle with disorganisation and the pressure she put on herself to “earn her place”. Katherine also opens up – for the first time – about a violent assault she minimised for years, the shame she carried and how motherhood has reframed her understanding of fear, safety and resilience.

We also explore the joy she found in acting, the liberation of embracing her own contradictions, the friendships that sustained her and the work that goes into rebuilding after trauma.

✨ IN THIS EPISODE:

00:00 Intro

03:48 Northern Ireland Roots

04:06 Why Rivals Works

05:34 Class and Oxford

08:08 Lizzie and Fred Fred

10:51 Jilly Cooper Loss

14:03 Failure One Disorganised

15:46 Exam Breakdown Story

19:14 Fear of Winning

20:52 MI5 and Astronaut Dreams

22:07 Academia vs Acting

23:07 Pressure and Perfectionism

23:59 Choosing the Actor Path

25:23 Facing Unprocessed Trauma

26:04 Assault

30:03 Shame and Cultural Context

33:45 Anxiety and Motherhood

38:56 Anger and Survival Instincts

40:08 Oboe Failure and Braces

42:21 Failing Freely as an Actor

43:49 Happiness and Goodbye

💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER:

“My mum has always said to me, ‘You’re not afraid to fail’”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been in a company [as Rivals] where everybody makes me laugh so much, and that is literally all I care about.”

“I used to want to be an astronaut.”

🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS:

All episodes of Rivals are now available to stream on Disney+ in the UK and internationally, with new episodes dropping weekly and a second instalment arriving later in the year. In the US, the series is available exclusively on Hulu.

Join the How To Fail community: www.howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content

Elizabeth’s Substack: www.theelizabethday.substack.com

📚 WANT MORE?

Danny Dyer – the actor and national treasure on identity, anger, vulnerability and learning to break the patterns you were born into: swap.fm/l/L192dU5DZHQnCUjFWuX8

Miranda Hart – the beloved comedian and writer on anxiety, belonging, people-pleasing and finding the courage to take up space: swap.fm/l/oTScN30b80GflJtO4rgu

💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE?

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Assistant Producer: Shania Manderson

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How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.

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