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BBC Radio 5 Live

Join the UK's youngest and most relevant broadcasters Elis James and John Robins for your twice-weekly dose of big laughs and top quality #content.

Hilarious, welcoming and unashamedly ashamed, let these two best friends keep you company every Tuesday and Friday.

Listen to the Elis James and John Robins podcast every Tuesday and Friday on BBC Sounds.

Elis James and John Robins

Strap yourself in because boy do we have a highbrow show for you today. Quoting Heidegger? Check. Ruminations on the nature of the present? Check. Elis S’ing himself in a park in Cardiff after a night on the Red Bull mixers? Check.

John Wins Again throws up some interesting morsels: John reveals his latest bedtime snack, and one of John’s wins leaves Elis literally speechless.

Elsewhere we meet Elis’s unkempt uni alter ego, John realises he should have been born in a Megaworld, and Dave is invited to get into the early human scene.

Remember to pop on yer BBC Sounds app on Saturday morning to hear this week’s Bureau de Change of the Mind.

#528 - A Remembersplore, Miserable Coat Man and The Early Human Scene

It’s a rollercoaster of a show for Elis James. He has the opportunity to rectify recent Welsh footballing disappointment by becoming the only player in Cymru Connection history to connect with 5 people twice. National pride can be restored, as long as Elis opens his eyes and doesn’t go down a Cymru cul-de-sac. Come on El, a (potentially imaginary) listener’s haircut depends on it!

Plus John plays hardball with the One Show, there’s a trip down the Shame Well that knocks Elis bandy, and Dave finally reveals what he’s known for turning up to parties with… 

Send in your whats and wares to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk.

#527 - Ab Merchants, Bleeding VAT and Ladybirdaggedon

“You were hungover thinking about darts.” “You are scum.” “You are a waste that has wasted himself.” “How do you like that John?” “Why don’t you just melt in the park you never walked through enough 21 years ago?” “You complete piece of S.”

From that exchange you wouldn’t think it would be a philosophical episode. However it is. It's deep. It’s a privilege, despair, sadness, nostalgia fest. And for once, the despair isn’t coming from John. You’ve got the Bosnians to thank for that. It’s also Edin Dzeko’s fault as to why Elis is dressed as a man who runs a community farm.

Elsewhere Dave gets some coaching off a much speedier runner, John couldn’t leave his bed because he had an enjoyable visit to his old university college, and we have a reappraisal of Mellowship Slinky in B major.

And finally, do we have a companion podcast to ‘A History of Nudity in a Thousand Beautiful Women with John Robins’? Because, after all, you simply must have two episodes a week these days.

Get your Bureau when it’s piping hot on Saturday mornings, only on BBC Sounds.

#526 - Huw Bris, Sir Psycho Sexy and Your Mexico 86

Elis has come off the back of a midi week but that’s not a problem, because the hive mind has another great TV format to which the networks can say “I love it, so I’m going to say ‘no’.” 

‘John’s Thoughts’ arrives much to Elis’s confusion, during which John’s also come up with an emotion that’s more complex than nostalgia. “What is this?” asks the Assistant to a Thought Leader about the feature. We don’t quite know yet but it is certainly a great conduit for chin wagging chat. 

And in all of that we’ve got a belting Made Up Game which really plays to the boys’ experience in indie commercial digital radio.

It’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk if you’ve got a game that could wet our whistles.

#525 - Lostalgia, Fornication Nation and Narberth to Nefyn Nude

It’s all Hits and Mems today as we imagine two media worlds that John Robins could have inhabited. These being: Bristol local radio (1-4pm) and the manosphere. 

Traffic, travel and the afternoon countdown to the pub, or grifting? Two forks in the road he could have gone down, but thankfully hasn’t. Safe to say his imagination is in fervent overdrive as we also hear of a world where he has $10 million… and won an Oscar. 

But what of Elis? Well he may have a heart attack. 

We also receive a right of reply from a disgraced Global Radio employee trying to clear his name, and there’s an all time great Mad Dad story of a father in a cultural vacuum. 

And do get on the blooming Bureau on a Saturday why don’t you?

#524 - The Purple Pill, Hits & Mems and John Robins In The Manosphere

The confidence of one of the great confidence players takes a battering this week. What starts off as some light-hearted fun around the London Marathon (after Johnny JR reveals some exciting news), turns into a head-in-hands moment that curses Elis for the entirety of today’s show. 

How does his misstep affect his Cymru Connecting performance? Will the unassailable points gap in Made Up Games get even more unassailable? It’s all to play for. 

Elsewhere, John’s imagined a world that almost leaves him in tears, and there’s a TV-worthy MUG that’s more tense than this show’s compliance meeting with BBC bosses after hearing John’s supermarket docu-drama last week… 

You can contribute to the Elis and John canon by emailing elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk.

#523 - Tender Thomas, A Good Beast and Checkout Confidential

The studio is wafting with sandalwood and intense male musk because Dave’s got a new scent, something which is causing John much nasal fascination. 

But yet again, the big story is a huge Elis James week. What a run he’s on by the way. He’s had a completely genuine standing ovation at one of London’s coolest comedy gigs. Further still, he’s performed the finest bit of house jobbery he’s ever done, with plumbing tape elevating this above Mega Week. 

Elsewhere, Adrian brings the boys some significant crispy content and John’s even sacking people who no longer work with him. We also have potentially our most round about chat ever in addressing some correspondence. From cumin and white pepper into the meaning of creativity to horses and penguins, back to the email. 

And do check out Saturday’s Bureau for crying out loud. Only on BBC Sounds.

#522 - Fast Twitch Diplomacy, Jeez & Onion and To Do With The Weavers

John Robins feels enormous. His Christmas Day, Ryder Cup and Tax Deadline Day have all come at once. That’s right, a new supermarket has opened near his house, and he’s primed and ready to make content that no one else would dream of making. Strap in for some gonzo journalism; it’s Fear and Loathing in Rural Bucks.

Supermarket excitement aside, we tackle the big questions: Did Elizabeth I wish she’d had meal deals? Did she resent not having a fridge, or Tetris, or yoghurt? What would Henry VIII have made of an air fryer?

Plus, Elis’s Welshness gets him in hypothetical hot water.

#521 - Subversive Regional, Call Roger Bannister and All At Sea in a Brandscape

What do Sir Steve Redgrave, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, David Beckham and John Robins have in common? None of them were asked on QI. Elis has though, and it’s clearly going down very very well with all parties. 

But today feels significant as we rope in a special guest to digest Elis hammering his friend using his fast twitch fibres. On top of that, John’s having a big day - something which others seriously doubt. “He’s probably just had too much hot sauce on his scrambled egg,” cries Dave. Wrong! In fact he’s being texted by a ghost curry house. 

Elsewhere the boys ask Adrian *all* the questions you’ve ever wanted to know, and we get a bit nostalgic as John talks of the only cool thing he’s ever done. 

Remember, the Bureau is available Saturday morning *only on* BBC Sounds.

#520 - Moheathcliffe, #FindTheFlax and Che Guevara On QI

John is not going to dance to their tune. Who’s tune? The people who design the layouts of supermarkets, that’s who. Sure, they can play their seductive little ditties, but Johnny JR ain’t dancing. 

But someone who is dancing to a tune is Elis James, and that tune is Welsh music (general). With St David’s Day having just passed, the pressure is on Elis to contribute to the national mood. Can he turn around a poor run of form in the Cymru Connection, or will he besmirch the good name of Wales around its big day? 

Elsewhere, Elis dives headfirst into a cognitive decline casserole, the boys riff a future award-winning feature on the fly, and we take a welcome trip back down the Shame Well. 

Send in your missives to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk.

#519 - Big Seed, Big Sad John and Big Voiced Clive

The lads return to keep you company throughout Lockdown 3. 

It's non-stop non-action in the Robins and James households, but they're full of public service advice on quitting booze and going to bed at 7pm.

#123 - The Isolation Tapes: Booze Banishment & Beauty Sleep

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