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WBUR

A podcast that fields all your questions and offers radical empathy in return.

Dear Sugars

This episode was originally published on March 16th, 2017.

The term "ghosting" isn't a new concept anymore—the idea that someone suddenly and inexplicably disappears from your life. In the past, a total halt to communication with a friend might leave you feeling concerned that something bad happened to him/her. But at a time when our devices have made us more accessible than ever, this can leave the person who's been ghosted feeling rejected or unworthy.

The Sugars discuss ghosting with the essayist and cartoonist Tim Kreider. He's the author of We Learn Nothing, a collection of essays that includes a story about being ghosted by a childhood friend.

Repost: Haunted By Ghosting

From our archives—this episode originally aired on April 10th, 2017.

Location, location, location. It makes all the difference in real estate, and it can make all the difference to one's happiness. But finding a place that really feels like home can be tricky.

Home is where the heart is, we're told. But what if "where the heart is" doesn't align with where your job is? Or when your head — or your significant other — tries to talk you out of a location that makes your heart happy?

The Sugars discuss the significance of location and home with the help of Pam Houston, whose memoir is about finding her forever-home on a ranch at 9,000 feet in Colorado. Her other books include Contents May Have Shifted and Cowboys Are My Weakness.

Rewind: Location, Location, Location

This episode was originally published on March 3, 2017.

"Whatever"— that's how the actress Maria Bello describes her sexual orientation. Her "love who you love" attitude toward sexuality, regardless of gender, is often referred to as fluidity.

Maria joins the Sugars this week to discuss a couple of letters having to do with the confusion and complications that can accompany a shift in one's sexual preferences and partnerships. She wrote about the evolution of her own family structure in her 2013 Modern Love column for The New York Times, "Coming Out As a Modern Family," which she later turned into the book, "Whatever...Love is Love: Questioning the Labels We Give Ourselves."

Rewind: Sexual Fluidity

This episode was originally published on March 22nd, 2017.

You wants kids; your partner doesn't. Or your partner wants kids, and you don't. Whatever the scenario, few subjects are as emotionally charged and potentially deal-breaking in a relationship as a disagreement over the decision to become parents. In this favorite episode from the archives, The Sugars take on this tricky topic with the help of the writer Danielle Herzog, who's written in the past about ending her own marriage to become a mother.

Rewind: Baby or Bust

When it comes to love, money is supposed to be no object. But there’s no disentangling love from anything in our lives, and income is no exception. So how do you assess the role money should play in a relationship, and what happens when your desires and means change over time?

In this episode, five letter writers want to know how to discuss money with their romantic and familial partners. How do I stop resenting my husband for his low income? How do I ask my stay-at-home wife to get a job? Should I feel obligated to share the wealth with my fiscally irresponsible parents? The Sugars answer these questions and more in rapid-fire style on today’s episode.

Redux: Rapid Fire, Love & Money

From the WBUR Podcasts team, here's a new kind of story — one that's all about choices and consequences. The Midnight Rebellion is a pick-your-own-path podcast set 100 years in the future, where the stakes are nothing less than the planet itself. It's fiction rooted in real science, built for the kids in your life (ages 7 and up) — and the whole family. Because if Dear Sugars taught us anything, it's that the choices we make shape our futures.

This is Chapter 1 of The Midnight Rebellion. Choose wisely.

And if you liked what you heard, listen to the rest and follow The Midnight Rebellion wherever you get your podcasts.

Dear Sugars presents: "The Midnight Rebellion," a new adventure fiction podcast

This episode was originally released on May 25th, 2018.

When two women in their sixties start losing interest in sex, their sex-starved partners become increasingly frustrated. Both women blame old age for their waning libidos. But is their diminished sex drive because of age or something else?

The erotic lives of senior citizens are typically made invisible by our culture, which can lead to confusion and misinformation. Dr. Pepper Schwartz, the love and relationship columnist for AARP, joins the Sugars to dispel certain myths about sex and aging: Do libidos change after menopause? How does the aging body affect the way we feel about sex? Should medical interventions be considered for a declining sex drive?

Dr. Schwartz is a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and has written more than 25 books on love and sexuality. She’s also an on-air expert for Lifetime TV’s “Married at First Sight.”

The Sugars Recommend
“Our Souls at Night,” by Kent Haruf

“Scary Old Sex,” by Arlene Heyman

Repost: Sex & Aging

Seventeen-year-old “Struggling” had big dreams to leave his small town, but his living situation was at risk because he couldn’t stop using drugs. A letter writer who called herself “Bad Mom” loved her children, but could no longer bear the demands of motherhood. Both desperately needed to transform their lives.

In today’s update episode, we check in with some of our most memorable letter writers from previous episodes. The Sugars find out if “Struggling” was kicked out of his mother’s house, and they give “Bad Mom” a call to see if and how her views of motherhood have changed since hearing the Sugars’ advice more than two years ago.

This episode was originally published on January 27th, 2018.

The Sugars Recommend
Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
Archaic Torso of Apollo by Rainer Maria Rilke

Repost: Change Is A Work In Progress

This episode was originally released on September 9, 2016. 

In this favorite episode from the archives, The Sugars bring you another "Rapid Fire" episode, where they give brief answers to a handful of letters that are all centered around a theme. The theme for this episode is "stay or go" -- people who have a voice in their head telling them to leave their relationship, but who aren't sure it's the right move.

Repost: Should I Stay Or Go?

This episode was originally released September 23rd, 2016.

The Sugars often discuss letters dealing with very specific problems or struggles. In this encore episode, they take on a broader, more existential question: how to follow your heart. The Sugars discuss with the GRAMMY-winning singer/songwriter India Arie, who shares how she learned to be her own guide.

Throwback: How Do I Find The Courage To Be My Own Guide?

The Sugars exploration of infidelity continues with Part 2: The Betrayers. They take letters from a desperate wife, whose husband gave her a second chance after an emotional infidelity, only for her to do it again; and from a young mother who has gotten herself tangled up with the next-door neighbor after years of unhappy marriage.

The Infidelity Episodes: The Betrayers

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