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WBUR

A podcast that fields all your questions and offers radical empathy in return.

Dear Sugars

When it comes to love, money is supposed to be no object. But there’s no disentangling love from anything in our lives, and income is no exception. So how do you assess the role money should play in a relationship, and what happens when your desires and means change over time?

In this episode, five letter writers want to know how to discuss money with their romantic and familial partners. How do I stop resenting my husband for his low income? How do I ask my stay-at-home wife to get a job? Should I feel obligated to share the wealth with my fiscally irresponsible parents? The Sugars answer these questions and more in rapid-fire style on today’s episode.

Redux: Rapid Fire, Love & Money

From the WBUR Podcasts team, here's a new kind of story — one that's all about choices and consequences. The Midnight Rebellion is a pick-your-own-path podcast set 100 years in the future, where the stakes are nothing less than the planet itself. It's fiction rooted in real science, built for the kids in your life (ages 7 and up) — and the whole family. Because if Dear Sugars taught us anything, it's that the choices we make shape our futures.

This is Chapter 1 of The Midnight Rebellion. Choose wisely.

And if you liked what you heard, listen to the rest and follow The Midnight Rebellion wherever you get your podcasts.

Dear Sugars presents: "The Midnight Rebellion," a new adventure fiction podcast

This episode was originally released on May 25th, 2018.

When two women in their sixties start losing interest in sex, their sex-starved partners become increasingly frustrated. Both women blame old age for their waning libidos. But is their diminished sex drive because of age or something else?

The erotic lives of senior citizens are typically made invisible by our culture, which can lead to confusion and misinformation. Dr. Pepper Schwartz, the love and relationship columnist for AARP, joins the Sugars to dispel certain myths about sex and aging: Do libidos change after menopause? How does the aging body affect the way we feel about sex? Should medical interventions be considered for a declining sex drive?

Dr. Schwartz is a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and has written more than 25 books on love and sexuality. She’s also an on-air expert for Lifetime TV’s “Married at First Sight.”

The Sugars Recommend
“Our Souls at Night,” by Kent Haruf

“Scary Old Sex,” by Arlene Heyman

Repost: Sex & Aging

Seventeen-year-old “Struggling” had big dreams to leave his small town, but his living situation was at risk because he couldn’t stop using drugs. A letter writer who called herself “Bad Mom” loved her children, but could no longer bear the demands of motherhood. Both desperately needed to transform their lives.

In today’s update episode, we check in with some of our most memorable letter writers from previous episodes. The Sugars find out if “Struggling” was kicked out of his mother’s house, and they give “Bad Mom” a call to see if and how her views of motherhood have changed since hearing the Sugars’ advice more than two years ago.

This episode was originally published on January 27th, 2018.

The Sugars Recommend
Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
Archaic Torso of Apollo by Rainer Maria Rilke

Repost: Change Is A Work In Progress

This episode was originally released on September 9, 2016. 

In this favorite episode from the archives, The Sugars bring you another "Rapid Fire" episode, where they give brief answers to a handful of letters that are all centered around a theme. The theme for this episode is "stay or go" -- people who have a voice in their head telling them to leave their relationship, but who aren't sure it's the right move.

Repost: Should I Stay Or Go?

This episode was originally released September 23rd, 2016.

The Sugars often discuss letters dealing with very specific problems or struggles. In this encore episode, they take on a broader, more existential question: how to follow your heart. The Sugars discuss with the GRAMMY-winning singer/songwriter India Arie, who shares how she learned to be her own guide.

Throwback: How Do I Find The Courage To Be My Own Guide?

This episode was originally published on August 26th, 2017.

In this episode, adventures in animal ownership! The Sugars, along with Julie Barton — author of the memoir Dog Medicine: How My Dog Saved Me From Myself — answer letters about pet dilemmas and the ways these creatures affect human relationships.

Rewind: Pet Dilemmas with Julia Barton

This episode was originally released on August 19, 2017.

It’s never easy to talk to our romantic partners about their bodies, especially when it’s about weight. The Sugars, along with writer Ashley C. Ford, answer letters from people questioning their relationships because of major changes in their partners’ bodies.

Rewind: Body Weight and Romance

How many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."? There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So this week, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion.

This episode was originally published on January 5th, 2017.

Episodes We Love: Love In Doubt (Rapid Fire)

This episode was originally released on October 28th, 2017.

Sex-starved, meet sex-hounded. Recently, the Dear Sugars inbox was flooded with responses to the two-part episode “Sexless Relationships” with Esther Perel. In those episodes, the Sugars answered letters from people who were longing for sexual intimacy with their partners. But many readers asked why we didn’t address the other side of sexless relationships: the people who want less sex than their partners.

In today’s episode, we hear from a letter writer who feels pressured by her partner to have sex.

“Every night — EVERY NIGHT — when we get in bed, he rubs my back to see if he can arouse me,” writes the letter writer." "Enough is enough.”

Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond dig into the power dynamics that play out when one partner constantly demands sex. Then, they attempt to answer the question, “Is there such a thing as wanting too much sex?”

Rewind: The Other Half of Sexless Relationships

Remembering the grocery list, coordinating with the babysitter, making food for the potluck, scheduling a get-together with the in-laws: These are some of the invisible tasks that (most) women exclusively do in their romantic relationships — and the list goes on and on. Women from across the country wrote in to the Dear Sugars inbox echoing identical inequalities in their relationships with their husbands and boyfriends. The Sugars commiserate with this aggrieved chorus, along with Gemma Hartley, the writer who set off a national conversation about emotional labor with her …

Emotional Labor: The Invisible Work (Most) Women Do

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