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Dear Media


"Absolutely not" to legitimately everything.....Comedian Heather McMahan creates a safe-space for us to tell-all and bitch about the rest. No topics are off-limits as we break down the everyday struggles of doing the most, and the least, at the same damn time. Come for the humor, authentic discussion or call in the Hotline or should we say "Absolutely NOT-Line" with your life complaints. We will discuss it all. It's a joyful take on life's craziest moments. 


Absolutely Not

On this episode, Heather is recording straight from a pool house in Mallorca—armed with nothing but her phone, a questionable Wi-Fi signal, and enough acid reflux to ignite a small fire. She’s giving us a mid-vacation dispatch packed with thoughts on travel etiquette, her ongoing battle with GLP-1, and a passionate tribute to the unsung pop legacy of Brooke Hogan. Plus, a quick tour update and a reminder that boat days are the best days.

Episode Sponsors:

Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.

For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.

OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely.

To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.

Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.

Philadelphia makes everything creamier. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration and so you can start adding Philadelphia to your recipes at home!

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Stronger than Ozempic

On this replay of the pod from almost exactly 3 years ago, we get Heather fresh off her extra long honeymoon. While she should feel refreshed, renewed and wildly in love- she is lucky to not be in an italian jail cell after clearly spending too much time with her new husband, Jeff. She breaks down the importance of communication, how much wine she drank every day at lunch and her plans to do it all over again (which she currently is doing in Portugal).

Episode Sponsors:

Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.

Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.

Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!

Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to CornbreadHemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely.

Give your summer closet an upgrade—with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and 365-day returns.

To find out what all the hype is about for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTEY for 20% off your first order this summer.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Two Weeks Too Long (Replay)

On this episode, Heather welcomes the one and only Robin McMahan to the studio. Robin is back from Portugal with a group of fabulous older women and bestows some advice before Heather's trip. They discuss the infamous EGG HAT, European Zara’s and the price of seabass. They obviously go into Robin’s dating dilemmas. They take your voicemails about boomers, summers at Chateau McMahan and the amount of virgin piña coladas Heather used to drink.

Episode Sponsors:

Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.

Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns

Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.

If you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.

Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Nutrition Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY

To find out what all the hype is about for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTEY for 20% off your first order this summer.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Summer at Chateau McMahan with Robin

On this episode, Heather is in LA and welcoming her favorite bitch, Jackie Schimmel, who is about to head out on her own tour- Dim the Lights. They discuss how we all need to zoom out, berating each other's husbands, and social boundaries. Jackie takes Heather down on her unsolicited kindness to strangers while Heather then gets to the bottom of why Jackie didn’t join us on the cruise. 

Episode Sponsors:

Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully). Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.

Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/absolutely.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self.

 Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code ABSOLUTELY15.

Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.

Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!

To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Zoom Out with Jackie Schimmel

On this episode, Heather is on the up and up after the events of the last few weeks. She chats about how turtles and cardinals are now showing up as signs, what it was like 100 years ago, and how she plans to spend her time in Europe. While her life may be hectic right now, she turns to your voicemails to bring her back to reality. She hears about Louisiana gay uncles, how comfortable people have gotten in public and totally unhinged church facebook group requests.

Episode Sponsors:

Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.

Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.

OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely.

Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to CornbreadHemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Nothing Natural

On this episode, Heather is back in the Atlanta studio after a very stressful and eventful week. Definitely feels like she can't get her neck above water and brings you along her insane days. She relives her experience at the emergency vet that could rival The Pitt, getting her pap on her anniversary, and receiving a very special gift that may be light at the end of a very long tunnel. She then takes voicemails about how the rest of the world is also on on fire and one caller's decision to move to the USA.

Episode Sponsors:

Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.

Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code ABSOLUTELY15.

To find out what all the hype is about for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTEY for 20% off your first order this summer.

Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!

Right now, Splendid is offering our listeners 20% off when you go to Splendid.com and use promo code absolutely at checkout or when you shop at Splendid in stores.

Head to BranchBasics.com to shop their Premium Starter Kit and save 15% off with code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Bouncing Back

This week, we're pulling another classic episode out of the archives for the newcomers. This one features one of the wildest voicemails we've heard yet, a mom having to break the holy water out for her daughter, and a surprise cameo from Robin.

Episode Sponsors:

Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.

Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.

Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!

Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch Calendars by going to SkylightCal.com/ABSOLUTELY

To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Bat in the Balenciaga (Replay)

On this episode, Heather welcomes her friend from the internet Tinx to the pod after they both separately went to Beyonce the night before! They question why they have never met up for a 3 martini lunch and why finance bros get to enjoy them all the time. They connect on being pulled in too many directions and how they should start the Artist Way this summer. With an overdue book proposal, Heather asks Tinx about her book writing process after her new bestseller- Hotter in the Hamptons.

Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners an exclusive chance to be among the first to try Next Gen—with 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program at ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY!

Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com.

Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System!

Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip… it’s available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers.

To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Artist’s Way with Tinx

On the episode, Heather is fresh off her NYC takeover—including a memorable night at The Beacon. Now she’s back in her basement, recording old-school style and fighting off whatever funk the universe sent as a reminder to sit down and reset. She’s booking check-ups, trying new beauty hacks, and figuring out what’s going on with her wonky wrist. Plus, she shares her run-in with cosmetic consultation scammers, the betrayal of high-calorie coffee orders, and why she’s dreaming of climbing Mount Everest. (Spoiler: she's not.)

Episode Sponsors:

Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/ABSOLUTELY.

If you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.

This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY.

Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

North Face, Baby

On this episode, Heather is back in NYC and welcomes two cruising hussies to the pod. Andrea and Anna are hosts of their own pod Big Wigs but are famously known for their impressions. They chat about how they met, the cruise, their favorite Boar’s Head meats, and being related to a serial killer. We also get a surprise appearance from two of their favorite Calabasas characters.

Episode Sponsors:

For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.

Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely

Visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.

Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com

Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System!

Give the “dads” in your life a unique, heartfelt gift you’ll all cherish for years—Storyworth! Right now, save $10 during their Father’s Day sale when you go to Storyworth.com/absolutely!

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wiggin’ Out with Andrea Lopez and Anna Roisman

On this solo episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is falling apart at the thin ankles, literally. With a burnt taint, a rolled ankle and nothing to do, she has hit a new LEVEL OF NOPE. She cant even record this episode without her mom walking into the office to make it about her....typical Robin. If you thought the voicemails were wild last week, wait till you hear that the crazies have been up to now. Were week 852 into quarantine and still no one knows what the hell is going on! Go to talkspace.com and use promo code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and help support the show! 
To learn more about GoMacro’s giveback programs, and to give their tasty bars a try, visit gomacro.com and use promo code ​ABSOLUTELY​ for 30% off plus free shipping!
 
 
 
Produced by Dear Media. 
 
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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