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Dear Media


"Absolutely not" to legitimately everything.....Comedian Heather McMahan creates a safe-space for us to tell-all and bitch about the rest. No topics are off-limits as we break down the everyday struggles of doing the most, and the least, at the same damn time. Come for the humor, authentic discussion or call in the Hotline or should we say "Absolutely NOT-Line" with your life complaints. We will discuss it all. It's a joyful take on life's craziest moments. 


Absolutely Not

On this episode, Heather is on the “becoming Chinese” side of tik-tok, where she is being motivated to eat something warm in the morning and work out ( like everyone else at the year). She chats about the Ole Miss loss, why she isn’t at the Golden Globes and her healing titty wound. Voicemails from you guys get her yapping about pasta, the gym and sorority spring recruitment.

Episode Sponsors:

Shop in store and online at NordstromRack.com. 

You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support our show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save $15 off your first month’s subscription. This is their best offer anywhere and is only available to U.S. customers for a limited time. Plus FREE shipping on every order.

Right now, Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at meritbeauty.com.

Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code ABSOLUTELY at https://branchbasics.com/ABSOLUTELY #branchbasicspod

Become a Fora Advisor today at foratravel.com/ABSOLUTELY — and make sure you tell them we sent you.

Find poppi at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon. poppi — soda’s back, but so much better!

Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason, it can save you up to $190 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/NOT10 you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase or use code NOT10 at checkout. Caraway. Non-Toxic cookware made modern.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We Will Overcome

On this episode, Heather welcomes 2026 with a fresh calendar and a fresh injury— her burnt titty. She celebrates the highs of Ole Miss making a national run and the lows of credit card points betraying her Japan plans. She then dives into your voicemails full of fresh starts, fiery horses, and big “new year, same bitch” energy.

Episode Sponsors:

Shop in store and online at NordstromRack.com.

Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

If you’re curious about swapping tequila for THC, this is your sign. Señorita makes it easy. It gives the perfect social lift without any of the next day “why did I do that” disappointment. Plus, they’re fast-onset and come in 5 or 10mg. With low calories and real ingredients, truly, THC never tasted so good. You can get these margs shipped right to your door at SenoritaDrinks.com. Treat yourself, treat your friends, treat your tastebuds. Your cabana awaits.

Must be 21+. Please enjoy responsibly.

Find poppi at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon. poppi—soda’s back, but so much better!

BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/absolutely.

Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for WAY less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Wayfair. Every style. Every home.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Third-Degree Titty

On this episode, Heather is ringing in the New Year with her favorite people, YOU! 2025 has been a series of ups and downs, but as we all know we can attribute this to not finishing the Vision Board last year. Heather is giving the best practices for you all to make your own vision board for 2026. She also goes through what everyone chimed in with what their 2026 goals are. 

Episode Sponsors:

Give Big. Save Big. Shop for everyone on your list at Nordstrom Rack stores now.

EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE Rose suction toy with their order! https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/absolutely-podcast

Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.

Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.

Go to RO.CO/ABSOLUTELYNOT for your free insurance check. See if your insurance covers GLP-1s — for free.

Want to see more of our adventures, laughs, and post-round FRESCAMixed vibes? Follow @FrescaMixed on Instagram and YouTube for more.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Clockin’ Back In

On this episode from the Christmas of 2022, Heather is sitting down with her Italian stallion to recap 2022 highs and lows as well as doomsday prep for 2023. Jeff and Heather both share their "rose and thorn" of the year and never really address how over-budget the wedding really was. It is too touchy of a subject and they will push onto their therapists 10 years down the road.

Episode Sponsors:

Give Big. Save Big. Shop for everyone on your list at Nordstrom Rack stores now.

Just in time for the new year, Prolon is offering ABSOLUTELY listeners FIFTEEN PERCENT off their 5-day nutrition program for your post-holiday glow-up when you go to ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY.

Want to see more of our adventures, laughs, and post-round FRESCAMixed vibes? Follow @FrescaMixed on Instagram and YouTube for more.

Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.

Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to cornbreadhemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.

Save big during their Winter Savings event – SCHEDULE YOUR FREE CONSULTATION NOW AT SONOBELLO.com/ABSOLUTELY.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Return of Rose and Thorn w Jeff Daniels

On this episode, Heather is back from her Parisian getaway with Jackie Schimmel. She chats about her very adult gift decisions, how she tried to bamboozle the Hermes sales associate, the French version of Erewohn, and where she wants to travel to next. She takes on your voicemails about grandparents during the holidays,secret santa woes, and of course, Christmas trees people. She then chats about the Bamboozled Tour.

Episode Sponsors:

Find gifts so good you'll want to keep them with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

Give the gift of confidence this holiday season with Nutrafol. Whether you’re treating yourself for someone on your list, visibly healthier, thicker hair is the gift that keeps on giving. Right now, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription plus free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and use promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.

Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.

You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription Starter Kit by going to fatty15.com/ABSOLUTELY and using code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Parisian Butter Run

On this episode, Heather welcomes friend and interior design extraordinaire, Jared Hughes. Jared and Heather chat about how he got into design with his 6th grade bedroom, how to make sure you get the best antiques from your aging relatives, and how to work an estate sale. They take on the voicemails about holiday etiquette and gift giving.

Episode Sponsors:

Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.

Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

The holidays are closer than ever, so make sure you order by December 16th to get their gift (or yours) underneath the tree in time! Visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT to take advantage of this limited-time offer for up to 20% off your next purchase. Non-Toxic cookware made modern.

For a limited time, Prolon is offering listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.

Shop my favorite pajamas at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. And if you’re looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list - the SKIMS Holiday Shop is now open at SKIMS.com.

 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Sparkle in the Eyes with Jared Hughes

On this episode, Heather is back in LA and welcomes Atsuko Okatsuka to the pod. Heather has shown up to the recording dress in her last dusty Brooks and Dunn t-shirt, while Atsuko is in a full conductor designer outfit with a shrimp bolo tie. They debate whether or not they are brain rotting being on their phone all the time on tour, ridiculous personal Yelp reviews, and if it's better to have a bird in the hand or two in a bush. They also connect on their love of Lucille Ball. You can catch Atsuko on tour as well as her new Hulu special, Father.

Episode Sponsors: 

Want to see more of our adventures, laughs, and post-round FRESCAMixed vibes? Follow @FrescaMixed on Instagram and YouTube for more.

Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly.

To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsuranc.com/absolutely. This is a Paid Advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or UnitedStates Fire Insurance Company, and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency, Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.

Find gifts so good you'll want to keep them with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

Join the loyalty program for renters at joinbilt.com/absolutely. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you.

Goodwipes is giving away FREE wipes! Want to try a FREE pack of Goodwipes? Just buy a pack at Target, Walmart, Kroger — or your local store—then head to goodwipes.com/absolutely, text them your receipt and get reimbursed! Goodwipes —because butts deserve better.

Get yourself and your loved ones the best gift of all - the gift of clean with Branch Basics! For a limited time only, our listeners get 15% off and Free Shipping on their premium starter pack when you use code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com/ABSOLUTELY. PLEASE support our show and tell them we sent you. Get Branch Basics this Holiday Season, because cleanliness matters.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

5 Years Left with Atsuko Okatsuka

On this episode replay from 2021, we're having a post-thanksgiving bitch fest because everyone has been forced into unwanted family-time and now we're all chain-smoking near the garage. IT'S A MESS. It's time to reboot bitches, and take some time for yourself-because if we don't, we won't make it out of the holiday's alive!

Episode Sponsors:

Shop my favorite pajamas at SKIMS.com. and if you’re looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list - the SKIMS Holiday Shop is now open at SKIMS.com

Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

For Absolutely Not listeners, you can get 20% off your first order at curehydration.com/absolutely with code absolutely.

You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription Starter Kit by going to fatty15.com/ABSOLUTELY and using code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.

Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly.

EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE WhisperVibe™ OR a FREE Rose toy with any Whisper™ order at https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/absolutely-podcast.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Return of Rebootin’ B*tch

On this episode, Heather is suffering from a wine headache, but ready to recap her weekend in Oxford for the Ole Miss game. She chats about the Lane Kiffin conspiracies of Gators, LSU and Theo Von. She takes on the voicemails from people seeking gay bar advice, an unlikely cease and desist, and what it’s like to have your life flash before your eyes.

Episode Sponsors:

Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip… it’s available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers.

Visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT to take advantage of this limited-time offer for up to 20% off your next purchase.

 Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. 

Treat yourself or someone special to the most comfortable and innovative bras on earth this holiday season. Save 20% off sitewide at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY.

For a limited time, Wildgrain is offering our listeners $30 off your first box - PLUS free Croissants in every box - when you go to Wildgrain.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your subscription.

For a limited time only, our listeners get 15% off and Free Shipping on their premium starter pack when you use code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com/ABSOLUTELY.

For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when when you go to nutrafol.com/absolutelynot.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Scream Cream

On this episode, Heather is coming off the high of the LA show, as well as the Dodger’s World Series Win, but also the low of fighting for her life with some sort of stomach bug in Austin. Heather also has a HUGE family announcement that is causing anxiety but all the excitement. She takes voicemails from Ole Miss tailgaters, Trader Joe’s virgins as well as a show-goer who needed medical attention.

Episode Sponsors:

Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.

For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when when you go to nutrafol.com/absolutelynot.

For a limited time, Boulevard is offering new customers 20% off your first year subscription. Go to JoinBLVD.com to learn more.

Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.

Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly.

Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code ABSOLUTELY15.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Sex in the Kitchen

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hits the hotline- only to double down on the fact that women might be the REAL scammers. We've got a lady running an ER out of her garage, A time traveler, a handful of bad drivers and a sweet woman named Abby prepping for a colonoscopy- All that and more! 
 
 
 
Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
 
 
 
Match with your dedicated therapist today at talkspace.com, and use promo code absolutely during sign-up to get $100 off your first month.
 
 
 
Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY.
 
 
 
Article is offering our listeners $50 off their first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/ABSOLUTELY
 
 
 
Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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