2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episodes

• The Sebastian Maniscalco SiriusXM Drama | 2 Bears, 1 Cave | 2 Bears, 1 CaveSPONSORS: If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Aligning for the Agentic Era: How AI Is Changing Everyday Work, at https://netsuite.com/BEARS. Start your free online visit today at http://hims.com/bears for personalized care-from hair to ED to weight loss and more. Thanks to MANSCAPED® for sponsoring today’s episode! Get The Lawn Mower® Ultra Gen 6 for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code BEARS at https://Manscaped.com! Sign up for your free Shopify trial at https://shopify.com/bears This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in from the road, with Tom in Atlanta and Bert in Philly on his Permission to Party World Tour. The Bears debate whether they'll watch the Pentagon's livestreamed firing squad execution of the Fort Hood shooter, then dig into the SiriusXM Raw Dog Radio shakeup that had comics coming after Sebastian Maniscalco, and how one video turned into Bert starting a comedians union (Leanne is handling it). From there, Bert swears he'll die with his beard, finally tells Tom about the shot in Bad Thoughts season two he can't believe made the cut, and gets fired up over hood horse racing in Mississippi. Plus: Mike Ditka's one-take steakhouse commercial, Michael Jordan finding his lost championship rings in a forgotten safe, Chamillionaire's $25,000 autograph, Barry Sanders and The Fridge, and Tom getting pitched hair transplants. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 343 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:15 - Should You Watch The Fort Hood Shooter's Execution? 00:12:14 - Black Horse Racing & Sprinting On A Horse 00:19:31 - Bert Will Die With This Beard & The Bad Thoughts Shot 00:24:52 - SiriusXM, Raw Dog Radio, & The Sebastian Maniscalco Backlash 00:35:19 - Bert's Comedians Union 00:41:25 - Spam Calls & Mike Ditka's One-Take Commercial 00:46:34 - Michael Jordan's Lost Championship Rings 00:56:52 - Barry Sanders, The Fridge, & Elway's Two-Minute Drill 01:03:07 - Tommy Time & Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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• The Most Delusional Man In Comedy | 2 Bears, 1 CaveSPONSORS: Head to https://BlueChew.com and buy two months of BlueChew Gold you get the third FREE with promo code BEARS. Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS . Application times may vary. Rates may vary. Trustpilot rating as of 6/1/2025. This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. Get 10% off your first month. Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to explore your payment options. Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/bears Sign up now and join over 14 million people already investing with Acorns. New customers get a $20 bonus investment just for signing up. Head to https://acorns.com/bears to claim your $20 bonus today. Limited time offer. Terms and conditions apply. See https://acorns.com/terms for details. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer call in from opposite ends of the map: Tom on a day off from his movie in Atlanta, Bert from Cleveland's Rocket Mortgage arena. Bert pulls up old Hollywood stars next to today's to prove Tom belongs in Cocoon, and Tom fires back that Bert looks like ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag. Then Bert drags in an arena worker to vouch for his looks, and she guesses Tom is 45. From there, the Bears lock in a bench press push-up challenge, Bert asks Claude who he should support between Israel and Palestine, before he finally admits to needing a seatbelt extender. They also get into Zach Bryan's Free Palestine shirt at Gillette Stadium, Ari Emanuel's memoir Roll the Calls, Bert's brutal gum surgery, Tom Cruise's Digger, and Tom introducing Bert to the cinematic universe of Quan Millz. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 342 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:04:09 - Football, The Metric System, & Catching Strays 00:09:13 - Tom Belongs In Cocoon 00:16:07 - One-Drink Bert & The Bench Press Push-Up Challenge 00:28:11 - Club Runs, Zach Bryan, & The Pillow Debate 00:33:20 - Goodwill Listening & The Gillette Stadium Beef 00:37:15 - Bert Asks Claude To Pick A Side 00:44:10 - "Do You Need Readers, Ma'am?" 00:46:58 - Pretty Privilege & Bert's Seatbelt Extender 00:50:31 - Ari Emanuel's Memoir & The Quan Millz Universe 00:58:24 - Animating Bert's Dreams & Tom Cruise's Digger 01:05:23 - Oppenheimer On A Phone & Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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• Tom Cruise Pulled His Own Tooth Out w/ Rob Lowe | 2 Bears, 1 CavePresale tickets for Toms new tour Preposterous go live September 30th at 10am. Make sure to get yours over at https://tomsegura.com/tour and use code: TOMMY SPONSORS: Head to https://superpower.com/bears for $50 off your membership. Get 150+ biomarkers tested every year plus a personalized health plan and on-demand care team. Detect early signs of 1,000+ conditions. #superpowerpod Start learning a new language TODAY with Babbel. Right now listeners can save up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS. Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Aligning for the Agentic Era: How AI Is Changing Everyday Work, at https://netsuite.com/BEARS . Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://ShipStation.com, with code cave. This week, Tom is off somewhere, so Bert Kreischer is joined by the legendary Rob Lowe, back in the Cave to talk about his new movie The Musical, the Sundance comedy with a twist so audacious the big distributors were too scared to buy it, now playing in theaters. Rob breaks down the 18-day shoot, the moment that makes audiences gasp, and why a small theatrical run still beats a mystery streaming "hit." From there, the two get into learning stick on La Cienega, LeeAnn's endless story recaps, Tom Cruise pulling his own tooth for The Outsiders, and Paul Newman's legendary hangs. Bert opens up about his Free Bert season two meltdown and the night he forgot how to yawn, Rob shares what 36 years of sobriety taught him, and they pitch the ultimate Netflix show: 24 Hours with Rob & Bert, starring Mark Wahlberg as Dirk Diggler. Plus: Usher's house tour, Bryson DeChambeau's eagle, and the national anthem bit. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 341 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:39 - Skinny Bert & Driving Stick On La Cienega 00:10:43 - Bert Doesn't Listen & The Cousin Who Can't Eat Anything With A Hoof 00:23:54 - Tom Cruise Pulled His Own Tooth & Butch Cassidy Cool 00:32:05 - The Musical & The Twist Nobody Would Buy 00:48:40 - The Night Bert Couldn't Yawn 00:54:54 - Measured Drinking & Rob's 36 Years Sobriety 01:00:37 - Paul Newman 01:05:43 - Rob's Headshot Composites & Growing Up Before Phones 01:11:15 - Timothée Chalamet, Press Tours, & Tom Cruise's Perfect Day 01:20:22 - Mark Wahlberg's 4AM Club & Bryson DeChambeau's Eagle 01:32:11 - Stunt Flying With Tom Cruise & & The National Anthem Bit 01:41:58 - Humble Sons & Usher's Netflix House Tour Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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• Raygun Deserved The Gold Medal | 2 Bears, 1 CaveSPONSORS: New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS, spend five bucks to get $150 in rewards within 14 days - includes all markets. Get your free quote at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Let’s eat real. Head to https://factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026. See website for more details. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears. Start learning a new language TODAY with Babbel. Right now listeners can save up to 60% off at https://babbel.com/BEARS. Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are on separate sides of the country, but still together in our hearts. Tom's about to film a movie and Bert's been running his takes through ChatGPT before he says them out loud, which still doesn't stop LeeAnn and his daughters from destroying him over The Pastor's Wife. Bert explains how Last Comic Standing edited him into the villain, and how much public misrepresentation a person should take before they swing back; Michael Jackson, Shane Gillis, Johnny Depp, Joe Rogan, and Bert's "how many bees until you start swatting" theory. From there, Bert delivers the two greatest analogies of his life, Tom demands the production Bible for Tenet to understand it better, and Bert turns his garage door into a guillotine. They also get into Kyle Forgeard of Nelk Boys running seven marathons in seven days, Bert's daughters hijacking his couples therapy to tell the therapist he only feels emasculated at Lowe's, and Bert's case that Raygun should have won the gold medal and that Jackson Pollock was a shill. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 340 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit http://ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year. $50 in rewards issued every 7 days via click to claim for 14 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at http://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:38 - ChatGPT Approved Takes & Death Of The Pastor's Wife 00:07:17 - How Many Bees Until You Start Swatting? + Purple Doritos 00:15:02 - Tom's Movie Beard & Revisiting Tenet 00:28:44 - 365 One-Minute Episodes & Bryson DeChambeau's Hole In One 00:34:08 - Mountain Dew Sizzle 00:38:01 - Football Segue 00:39:19 - Kyle Forgeard's Seven Marathons & Andrew Schulz's Miami Era 00:43:50 - Bert's Tom Impression & Couples Therapy With The Girls 00:51:03 - The Honey Deuce & Bert's Return To Drinking 00:56:16 - What Olympic Sport Could You Actually Get Good At? 01:02:50 - Raygun Deserved The Gold & Jackson Pollock Was A Shill 01:12:15 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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• What Percent Gay Are You? | 2 Bears, 1 CaveCheck out Hoop and Huddle, YMH Studios' new comedy sports show, hosted by comedians Luke Touma & Nate Marshall. Two friends talking basketball, football, and whatever ruined their weekend. Less "analysts breaks down the tape," more "your boys yelling at the TV." https://www.youtube.com/@UCdaQbXFKAuvKcZcwieo8A6A SPONSORS: Thanks to MANSCAPED® for sponsoring today’s episode! Get The Lawn Mower® Ultra Gen 6 for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code BEARS at https://Manscaped.com! The DraftKings Sports app is now live in all 50 states! Head to https://dkng.co/bears For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears. Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. Welcome back to the cave! Hunter Biden says he's 48% gay, which raises the only question that matters: what percent are you? Bert and Tom build the math from zero, clothes, dicks, physiques, saunas, eye patches, a $5,000 face laser, and Bert climbs a lot higher than he expected to. Along the way: why Bert can't watch Sophie Cunningham highlights, the uncomfortable truth about loving Jason Williams, John Stockton's total lack of pizzazz, the hunt for a white DB in the NFL, Bert calling his dad mid-episode to check the family for slave owners (Tom's family does not come out clean), Bert's sister telling him to grow up about his sleep anxiety, Ila volunteering to fight Tom's ten-year-old in the Octagon, the 2:30am Dodger Stadium aftermath, a device that grades your poop, and Bert's full-throated defense of the Philadelphia Eagles' male cheerleader. Plus: this week's Mountain Dew summer sizzle submissions, including one that requires $2.6 million of CGI and one that just shuts Bert up. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 339 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com In Partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get $50 in Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year, issued every 7 days via click to claim for 21 days. 1 non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Predictions offer void in New York. Ends July 19th. Terms at https://dkng.co/audio. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:14 - Hunter Biden Says He's 48% Gay 00:06:23 - Clip Farms, Sophie Cunningham, & Jason Williams 00:15:32 - John Stockton, White Boxers & Tim Dwight 00:29:23 - California's Slavery Bill & Bert Calls His Dad 00:34:41 - The Girlfriend, The Sister, & The Fight Challenge 00:42:34 - The Dodgers Game Aftermath & A Whoop For Your Toilet 00:46:11 - Male Cheerleaders, Female Urologists, & Checking Out Men 00:52:38 - Hiding From Lightning With A Grindr Meetup 00:59:05 - Comedian OnlyFans & Ohtani's $17 Million Translator 01:05:44 - Mountain Dew Summer Sizzle Submissions 01:11:34 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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• Jelly Roll Called The President A Fat Pig | 2 Bears, 1 CaveSPONSORS: Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com Visit https://ethos.com/BEARS Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/bears Sign up now and join over 14 million people already investing with Acorns. New customers get a $20 bonus investment just for signing up. Head to https://acorns.com/bears to claim your $20 bonus today. Limited time offer. Terms and conditions apply. See https://acorns.com/terms for details. New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get $200 in rewards within 21 days - includes all markets. Welcome back to 2 Bears 1 Cave! This week Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer dive right in with Jelly Roll's headline-grabbing Kimmel monologue where he addressed the president as "from one fat pig to another." Bert then takes full credit for Jelly Roll's weight loss and the entire genesis of the Two Bears 5K, because technically he was in the room when that casually became a thing. They also have exciting news, a new 5K is coming in April and it's going to be bigger than ever. From there, Bert opens up about the panic attacks he's been having, severe, physical, and rooted in something he now understands: a complete lack of childhood bedtime structure. Tom grew up getting nightly Catholic prayers, a sign of the cross from mom, and the full rosary in the car for any trip over ten minutes. Bert grew up watching Letterman alone at nine years old at 3am while his dad slept off a ten mile run. The bears compare notes on childhood bedtime routines, how they each put their own kids down now, and what sleep anxiety looks like when it hits a grown adult, including Bert's most recent 36-hour panic attack that started when a friend told him he yawns too much and he forgot how to do it. He couldn't yawn for a day and a half. He finally yawned in couples therapy. That's where we are. They also get into Mel Gibson getting lightly canceled for mocking a sign language interpreter (on the scale of Mel Gibson incidents, this doesn't even register), a game of complimenting Salma Hayek on the one thing she's never heard in her 60 years on earth, Tom Hardy's new rap album, Jonah Hill's white belt jiu jitsu bravado and whether he'd actually beat Jason Bateman's ass, the Eddie Bravo black eye that made Bert walk out of a jiu jitsu class without ever taking his jeans off, and the Times Square Stabber whose fat padding made every taser completely ineffective and whose stabbing motion made this incident appear beyond ridiculous at first. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 338 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Bet with DraftKings Sportsbook to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days OR Trade with DraftKings Predictions to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Event contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offer void in New York. Non-withdrawable Rewards issued as Fifty dollar click-to-claims every seven days for twenty-one days. Terms at https://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:18 - Jelly Roll Called Trump A Fat Pig on Kimmel 00:15:49 - Mel Gibson's Sign Language Incident & Cancel Culture 00:22:32 - Childhood Bedtimes & Panic Attacks 00:33:38 - Putting Kids to Bed & Bert's Sleep Anxiety Deep Dive 00:41:44 - Bert Forgot How to Yawn and Had a 36-Hour Panic Attack 00:51:25 - Salma Hayek At 60 00:55:47 - Tom Hardy's Album, Shapeshifters & Jonah Hill's White Belt Energy 01:05:56 - The Times Square Waddling Stabber Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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• Breaking Down The Barstool Brawl | 2 Bears, 1 CaveSPONSORS: https://dkng.co/bears New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get $200 in rewards within 21 days, includes all markets. For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, go to https://netsuite.ai/bears. Visit https://Betterhelp.com/BEARS. Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://ShipStation.com, with code cave. Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back in the cave and surprise surprise, Bert opens with a confession: he wishes he'd never quit drinking. What follows is a full inventory of the modern male brain, the online pastor Tom watches every morning to get inspired, why 17-year-olds have no business being nostalgic for anything, the exact moment each of them gave up on playing pro sports, and why comedians never seem to get that same reality check. The guys break down Bert's Whoop addiction and the blood clot that started it, get talked into a completely fictional performance-enhancing stack for a 5K, fall in love with bull riding legend JB Mauney, pitch the worst sponsorship idea in podcast history, and watch a food delivery driver take on the entire Barstool office. Then it's cringe cancellation, sobriety influencers, 4:23 a.m. morning routine guys, and a long, very funny argument about which movie stars are actually men and which ones just look at themselves in the mirror. Plus Bert's new fragrance obsession, the colognes of Napoleon, Elvis and JFK, Sebastian Maniscalco's four seasonal robes, Joe Rogan's splits, Billy Bob Thornton at the CMAs, and a big announcement about the future of the show. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 337 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MYRESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. $50 in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for twenty-one days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at https://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:17 - The Jewish Joke Bert Can't Tell On Stage 00:04:26 - Pastor Manning 00:09:09 - Period Sex Confessions & Giving Up On Sports 00:21:50 - Nobody Quits Comedy Or Drinking 00:31:31 - Whoop Obsession, The Blood Clot, & Tren 00:37:09 - JB Mauney & The PBR 00:44:27 - Motorcycles & The 12 O'clock Boys Sponsorship 00:46:56 - The Barstool Helmet Fight 00:52:58 - Fighting Women 00:56:13 - Cringe Cancellation 01:01:35 - Tom's Pep Talk & Bert's Therapy 01:05:05 - Sobriety Influencers & Morning Routine Guys 01:09:04 - Cringey Actors vs. Real Men 01:19:33 - Bert's Fragrance Obsession 01:30:00 - Drakkar Noir Nostalgia 01:36:49 - Sebastian Maniscalco Is A Study 01:40:04 - Bert Meets Billy Bob At The CMAs 01:44:26 - 2 Bears Is Going Back To Weekly Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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• Stavvy Called Us Out | 2 Bears, 1 CaveSPONSORS: Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Thanks to MANSCAPED for sponsoring today’s video! Get The Beard Hedger Plus for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code “BEARS” at https://Manscaped.com! Start your free trial at https://SHOPIFY.COM/bears For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears for your free online visit. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://Betterhelp.com/BEARS. Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026. https://babbel.com/BEARS for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer celebrate Bert officially entering the Guinness Book of World Records for The Machine, possibly the most performed signature story in comedy history, and immediately spiral into the comedy record arms race: Shane Gillis' 77,000-person show, Nate Bargatze's 2 million tickets, the Dane Cook vs. Dave Chappelle longest-set war, and Bert's plan to lock 75,000 paid "hostages" inside Raymond James Stadium and perform for ten straight hours. Then the Bears respond to Stavros Halkias calling out comics who fly private, and explain why he's absolutely right: nobody gets funnier on a private jet. From there, Bert declares Busboys, the new Theo Von and David Spade movie, the greatest piece of art he's ever seen, and Tom finally watches The Odyssey, only for Bert to officially turn on it over the Travis Scott cameo. Plus: Gaddafi's all-female Amazonian Guard, plane-crash hypotheticals, Chimp Empire is the best reality show ever made, Mick Jagger on fame, and why the Bears are grateful they got famous late. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 336 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:18 - Comedians Getting Guinness Records 00:07:24 - The Attendance Record Arms Race 00:18:09 - Stavvy Says Private Jets Don't Make You Funnier 00:24:25 - Lunch Pail Phonies & Staying Honest 00:35:39 - Busboys Is A Secret Masterpiece 00:41:55 - Tom Finally Saw The Odyssey 01:03:45 - Por Osos At Frenchies & MacDill 01:07:29 - The Sexiest Military & Plane Crash Hypotheticals 01:12:08 - Chimp Empire 01:15:26 - Leanne's Birthday & The Black Crowes 01:20:28 - Mick Jagger On Fame 01:24:18 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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• Tom & Bert's Brutally Honest Odyssey Review | 2 Bears, 1 CaveSPONSORS: Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com Shopify: Turns out you don’t need a real job. Build your own business with a free trialat http://shopify.com/bears Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get one hundred fifty in rewards within 14 days, includes all markets. Over at https://dkng.co/bears. For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at http://Mengotomars.com. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back in the cave after eight weeks apart, and they open with a full review of The Odyssey, Lupita Nyong'o as Helen of Troy, Matt Damon's rogue Boston accent, and why Jon Bernthal is Hollywood's most legendary napper. From there, Bert unveils his billionaire rebrand (Sabah shoes, LBJ Stetsons, and the top five shoes billionaires wear this fall) before getting real about sobriety, anxiety attacks, and self-diagnosing 12 terminal illnesses in a single month. The Bears also spiral into the movies that blindsided them, Primal Fear, The Sixth Sense, Memento, Fight Club, and why the DIY hits like Obsession prove Hollywood is in another pivot moment. Plus: Project Hail Mary vs. the 15-hour audiobook, Bert's theory that this is the funniest (and most jacked) generation of comics ever, college football weight-room PRs, Jason Kelce showing up for a 9 AM bench session, and a meet & greet at MacDill Air Force Base August 14. If you missed the Bears, this one's for you. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 335 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800 GAMBLER, 1-800 MY RESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit http://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Fifty dollars in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for fourteen days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Terms at http://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:26 - The Bears Review The Odyssey 00:10:34 - Bears At MacDill Air Force Base 00:11:15 - Project Hail Mary & Bert's Cute Shoes 00:23:37 - Bert's Drinking Again 00:33:36 - Obsession & The New Hollywood Pivot 00:39:00 - The Best Twist Movies Ever 00:52:33 - Everyone's Got Abs 00:56:02 - College Weight Room Energy 01:00:44 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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• Fat Tommy Vs Skinny Tom | 2 Bears, 1 CaveSPONSORS: Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com Visit https://ethos.com/BEARS Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://shipstation.com, with code cave. If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, go to https://NetSuite.AI/BEARS. Head to Factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer compare their two very different eras of being fat, Tom's custom-made fat guy shirts, hard visceral fat vs. soft fat, and why losing weight made everyone think Tom got lip injections. Bert's sober documentary binge takes them from Patient Zero "Gay Tom" spreading AIDS across the Air Canada route map to Concorde pricing scams. Tom also reveals the fattest thing he's ever seen Bert do: ten appetizers, four entrées, and twenty doubles in Tallahassee. Bert also retells Bill Hader's retelling of Henry Rollins meeting David Lee Roth, and his daughter's instantly legendary Boston Tea Party take. Then things get real: a midlife crisis YouTube video sends Bert and LeeAnn into a "sell everything and get five apartments in five cities" fantasy, LeeAnn gets brutally honest about when she was happiest, and Tom breaks down the difference between happy and content. Plus: Hulk Hogan inflating Andre the Giant's weight, Julian's belt reaction to the Michael Jackson movie, Whoop resting heart rate brags, Craig Robinson's dunk, and the great first sweat vs. last sweat debate. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 334 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro00:00:52 - Fat Tommy Vs Skinny Tom00:09:16 - Patient Zero, Polio, & The Concorde00:19:38 - The Fattest Thing Tom Ever Saw Bert Do00:23:55 - Bill Hader, David Lee Roth & Boston Tea Party00:32:21 - Hulk Hogan, Macho Man & LeeAnn Off Leash00:36:37 - Five Apartments In Five Cities00:46:12 - Bert's Midlife Crisis Theory00:54:34 - "You're Not Hitting The Notes, Mike"00:57:05 - Whoop Brags & Craig Robinson Dunking01:02:36 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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