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Lyt når som helst, hvor som helst 

The Times

Each week Giles Coren finds himself with no idea what to write about in his weekly column. Having read all the papers and found nothing of interest whatsoever, he takes a break and does the school run. That’s where his wife and fellow journalist Esther Walker comes in. Upon his return, Esther has half a dozen ideas she’s spotted ready to knock around with him over the kitchen table and a much needed pot of coffee.

You can read Giles in The Times here; https://www.thetimes.co.uk/profile/giles-coren

And subscribe to The Times and Sunday Times here; https://www.thetimes.co.uk/subscribe

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Giles Coren Has No Idea

It’s the last episode before a summer break. Giles and Esther open the post bag to answer some of your questions. There are love stories, restaurant reviews, far flung listeners, potters, dating advice, film recommendations and more.

As always please do get in touch with any comments or questions: noidea@thetimes.com

Have a lovely summer – see you in September

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Listeners' Questions

England’s female football team – the Lionesses - have reached the final of Euro 2025. Giles is intrigued to know who is following their progress. 

A government initiative to limit public services to UK billionaires prompts an idea…what other mundane day to day activities should billionaires be prohibited from doing? Riding the top deck of a bus? If there is an art to holiday packing, Esther has mastered it – one pillow, one can of WD40 and a knife. Job done! What would a resourceful Girl Guide do with such a collection of items…fashion a 'think positive' badge perhaps?

Lastly, dear old King Charles has launched a range beard grooming products. No comedy in that…none whatsoever. Anyone for a jar of royal goolie washer?

Please do get in touch with any comments or questions: noidea@thetimes.com

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England in the final but does anyone really care?

Giles has been triggered. The BBC/Banijay investigation into allegations surrounding former Master Chef presenter Greg Wallace has published its findings. The results are enough to sack not only Greg Wallace, but also former co-host John Torode. Rather than sack Mr Torode perhaps the BBC could kindly draft a resignation statement for him, sighting the stress of recent events and challenges to his mental health…not so fast! Giles is furious about the whole matter.

The BBC isn’t all bad, this week President Trump gave an interview to their reporter Gary O'Donoghue. In the interview President Trump revealed that he doesn’t really trust anyone. Which poses the question, how important is trust? 

This week we were given the first glimpse of the actor who will play Harry Potter in the new HBO series. Have they sprung a surprise?

Lastly, as a new iteration of Barbie is unveiled - diabetic Barbie, what others could there be...?

Please do get in touch with any comments or questions: noidea@thetimes.com

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The Master Chef Mess

The Salt Path is a worldwide, multimillion bestselling novel which was later turned into a Hollywood film. It was based on a true story…or so everyone thought. Revelations this week cast considerable doubt on the veracity of the first-person tale. Does it change how Esther and Giles feel about the book?

Greg Wallace has finally been fired by the BBC but the question is did he take a leaf out of the Giles Coren school of defence in his parting statement? Esther has another question too, has Giles ever had the slightest inclination to show his peculiars in the office?

After more listeners emails some tips to get young people ready for the workplace:

Step one - cast aside all self-respect.

Please do get in touch with any comments or questions: noidea@thetimes.com

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The Salt Path Crumbles!

Giles wants to recount his plumbing woes…the Smurfs give him a helping hand to hurry things along.

After sifting through the first weeks post from the new podcast email address Giles and Esther assess a very difficult week for Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer. 

A week since rap duo 'Bob Vylan' hit the headlines at Glastonbury Giles shares some of the responses to his notebook piece on the subject, not all are positive.

Then a whistle stop tour of faces on bank notes, the cool club and Eau De Politician.

Please do get in touch with any comments or questions: noidea@thetimes.com

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Starmer's Worst Week

Esther and Giles have some exciting news which they share at the start of the episode…

On with the pod: 

Do couples have a better chance of staying together if their political views are aligned? 

Luckily for Esther and Giles they never discuss politics, they’re far more concerned with being mean and what they’re drinking in the evening. Just as well as Esther keeps her voting habits a closely guarded secret. But why do some couples get sucked into political debate? 

If talking politics doesn’t make you sleepy, have you tried being bound, gagged and cuddling up to some terrapins? If you’re not convinced, don’t worry there are lots of other sleep tips - most of which are genuine. 

Lastly, it’s bye-bye to the cookbook…about time too.

And that address: noidea@thetimes.com

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Top Tips for a Great Night's Sleep...or are they?

**Please hold. Giles and Esther will be with you shortly….[muzak]…Press 1 for the podcast. Press 2 for immediate death or press 3 to speak to a bot who will return you to the main menu…**

 

If there really is no sound more joyful than that of children playing, no wonder the world is so miserable. It is a sound in short supply as children have retreated from playing outdoors to stay indoors on their tech. Former children’s commissioner Baroness Anne Longfield has called for ‘no ball games’ signs to be removed to get children playing outside again. The trouble is, if they go outside who is there to play with apart from a load of killer dogs and some bloodthirsty gangs? 

If kids can’t play outside, can you take them to work? Well, best to check first in case you’re turned away at the door as one lady was with her nine-month-old. Should she have been allowed in, or are some places just not meant to be child friendly?

**A new apple app promises to deal with hold music for its users, but Esther doesn’t want it.

Finally, can you schedule your friends? Lily Allen 40, may do this (or she may just have a good sense of humour.) Either way she has given Giles an idea… 

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No Kids. No Dogs. No Muzak.

The airline industry has big plans to improve life for economy passengers. But Giles and Esther have a better solution, just fly business class. And while they’re at it, ditch Gucci shops, treble the size of Pret and provide free bags to those at the back.

Last year Giles' bid to join the The Garrick Club was declined so, as ITV news presenter Julie Etchingham withdraws her candidacy to join surely, he is on her side? Well it depends, was she tortured at school and how much can she drink?

Finally, what toll do the small microstresses of life take on us? If only there was a handy survey offering more information and on which a newspaper could loosely hang an article? Oh wait… cue a list of pet hates, and a detour into surveys in general and food surveys in particular. 

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Balls to Economy, Winners Fly Club Class

It’s a busy day in the Coren house as they prepare to welcome sister podcast ‘Wine Times’ for lunch…and wine. But before that the small matter of Gary Lineker leaving the BBC under a cloud of antisemitism. How does Giles feel about his friend’s departure and recent tweets? 

From one complicated subject to another, what is a semicolon and how should one use it? Two published authors might have a chance of figuring it out, a dyslexic producer almost certainly won’t.

Whilst working from home Giles reflects on research which suggests as many as half of workers would look for another job if asked to return to the office full time. How much would Esther have to be paid to get her back into the office? 

Finally, will a McDonalds apple pie cure Giles’s cancer…?

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Gary Lineker - It's Complicated

Do the collection of new weight loss drugs offer more than just weight loss? With claims suggesting that they can help lower risks of cancer and improve mood, Giles feels like he is missing out. Is it time for him to tuck in to Mounjaro? Esther is not convinced and if Giles and his peers live to be one hundred and forty, where are all the Gen Z’s going to live?

If you’re lucky enough to come by a luxury copy of Jane Austen’s ‘Emma’ you may find a handy readers guide; “this novel may not be easy or enjoyable.” What else needs a handy guide – GCSE geography, home cooking, sex?

After an oxbow lake via some noises that annoy a quick theatre recommendation for a farce of a play about spies… Readers guide: May contain innuendo and slapstick.

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Should I be taking Ozempic?

As described in the title - a fun festive quiz.

We hope you enjoy it. If you do, please share.

Merry Christmas, see you in the New Year.

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The Corens' Second Christmas Quiz

Lyt når som helst, hvor som helst

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