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Helen Zaltzman

Adventures in language with Helen Zaltzman. TheAllusionist.org

The Allusionist

It's the annual parade of Bonus Bits - things this year's guests said that I couldn't fit into their episodes, and/or weren't about language, but now is their time to shine. We've got tricorn hats, changing your dog's name, Boston cream pie, parmesan vs vomit, the placebo effect's negative sibling, the universal blank, headache poetry and bawdy riddles. And more! Thanks to, in order of appearance: Joanna Kopaczyk, Juliana Pache, Ben Zimmer, Stacey Mei Yan Fong, A.J. Jacobs, Zazie Todd and Caroline Crampton.
 
Visit theallusionist.org/bonus2024 for the transcript of this episode, more information about the topics therein, links to all the guest and their original episodes, and all the previous years' bonus episodes.
 
Content note: this episode contains mentions of cancer and death, and anti-fat culture - but I tell you when that section is about to start, so you can skip ahead by five and a half minutes if you need to.
 
To help fund this independent podcast, take yourself to theallusionist.org/donate and become a member of the Allusioverse. You get regular livestreams with me reading from my ever-expanding collection of dictionaries, inside scoops into the making of this show, and watchalong parties - coming up, we've got Great Pottery Throwdown 2025, and Cold Comfort Farm (1995). And best of all, you get the company of your fellow Allusionauts in our delightful Discord community. 
 
And go to theallusionist.org/events for information about the Allusionist's big 10th birthday live show in Vancouver BC on 12 January 2025.
 
This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, with music and production assistance from Martin Austwick of palebirdmusic.com. Find @allusionistshow on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Threads, Bluesky, TikTok, etc.
 
Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk about your product or thing on the show, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Rosetta Stone, language-learning programs available for 25 different languages. Allusionist listeners get 50% off lifetime memberships at rosettastone.com/allusionist. 
• Audio Maverick, a new 9-part documentary podcast from CUNY TV about radio maven Himan Brown. Hear about the dawn of radio and Brown's remarkable career, via archive footage and new interviews with audio mavericks, by subscribing to Audio Maverick in your podcast app.
• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.
• Rocket Money, the personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions and monitors your spending. Go to rocketmoney.com/allusionist to save money and lower your outgoings.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

206. Bonus 2024

Happy tenth birthday to this show! To celebrate, here's every randomly selected word from the dictionary from the first decade of the show. 
 
Visit theallusionist.org/randomlyselectedwords to read the transcript and get other Tranquillusionist episodes.
 
The podcast is taking a break until early May 2025, but the Allusioverse will continue to be in full swing: become a member at theallusionist.org/donate. You get regular livestreams with me reading from my ever-expanding collection of dictionaries, inside scoops into the making of this show, and watchalong parties - such as Great Pottery Throwdown (2025), and Cold Comfort Farm (1995). And best of all, you get the company of your fellow Allusionauts in our delightful Discord community. 
 
There's also a free livestream for everyone happening 18 January 1pm PT/4pm ET/21:00 UTC at youtube.com/allusionistshow.
 
This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, with music composed by Martin Austwick of palebirdmusic.com. Find @allusionistshow on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and Bluesky.
 
Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk about your product or thing on the show, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:
 
• Rosetta Stone, language-learning programs available for 25 different languages. Allusionist listeners get 50% off lifetime memberships at rosettastone.com/allusionist. 
• Understance: comfortable, stylish, size-inclusive bras and undies. Shop the range and learn about your own branatomy at understance.com.
• Curiosity Weekly from Discovery, the podcast that brings us the latest and greatest scientific discoveries, and explains them even for those of us who don’t have a science PhD. Listen to Curiosity Weekly in the places you get your podcasts.
• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

207. Randomly Selected Words from the Dictionary

In late 2014, China announced it was to ban puns. Helen Zaltzman wishes she could ban puns in her own family.
 
Warning: this episode features some hideous incidences of wordplay.
 
Visit http://theallusionist.org/puns to find out more about this episode. 
 
Tweet @allusionistshow, and convene at http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. Subscribe on iTunes http://tinyurl.com/iTunesAllusionist. Subscribe on iTunes at http://tinyurl.com/itunesAllusionist.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

1. Ban The Pun.

There are many synonyms for ‘underwear’. There are many synonyms for the body parts you keep in your underwear. But there’s only one word for ‘bra’.
 
Visit http://theallusionist.org/bras to find out more about this episode. 
 
Tweet @allusionistshow, and convene at http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. Subscribe on iTunes at http://tinyurl.com/itunesAllusionist.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

2. Bosom Holder

Remember when ‘viral’ used to only mean something bad, eg. something that would make you ill or destroy your computer?
 
How things have changed. Tom Phillips from Buzzfeed UK explains the language they choose to make content go viral.
 
Visit http://theallusionist.org/viral to find out more about this episode.
 
Tweet @allusionistshow, and convene at facebook.com/allusionistshow.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

3. Going Viral

WARNING: this episode contains lots of swearing and words which some of you may find offensive. If, however, you love offensive words, you will enjoy this episode, which is all about how the C-word doesn’t deserve to be the pariah of cusses.
 
Visit http://theallusionist.org/c-bomb to find out more about this episode. Tweet @allusionistshow, and convene at facebook.com/allusionistshow. Subscribe on iTunes http://tinyurl.com/iTunesAllusionist.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

4. Detonating the C-Bomb

Every week since September 1989, a radio station in Finland has broadcast a weekly news bulletin…in Latin.
 
WHY?
 
Let’s find out!
 
Visit theallusionist.org/latin to find out more about this episode. Tweet @allusionistshow, and convene at facebook.com/allusionistshow.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

5. Latin Lives!

Those words on museum walls that you can’t be bothered to read? They’re more important than you think…
 
Exhibition-maker Rachel Souhami explains why.
 
Visit theallusionist.org/museums to find out more about this episode. Tweet @allusionistshow, and convene at facebook.com/allusionistshow.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

6. The Writing On The Wall

You’d think you could trust dictionaries, but it turns out, they are riddled with LIES.
 
Visit theallusionist.org/mountweazel to find out more about this episode. Tweet @allusionistshow, and convene at facebook.com/allusionistshow.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

7. Mountweazel

Cryptic crosswords: delightful brain exercise, or the infernal taunting of the incomprehensible? Either way, crossword setter John Feetenby explains how they’re made and how to solve them.
 
Visit theallusionist.org/crosswords to find out more about this episode. Tweet @allusionistshow, and convene at facebook.com/allusionistshow.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

8. Crosswords

“I wanted a story that actually lives, and actually dies, and disappears.”
 
In 2003, artist and author Shelley Jackson started the Skin Project: a story printed, word by word, as tattoos on volunteers. https://ineradicablestain.com/skindex.html
 
Find more about this episode at https://theallusionist.org/skin-story.
 
The Allusionist’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and https://facebook.com/allusionistshow.

Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionist

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

85. Skin Story

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